I-Land, Episode 11: Tempest in a TV Show

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(Written October 28, 2024)

Welcome to the penultimate episode of I-Land!  I’m expecting rehearsal chaos, followed by great performances.  Let’s dive right in.

We’re down to ten finalists, and we’re told one more is going home in this episode.  So we’ll be saying goodbye to Hanbin, Daniel, or K.

We open back at the giant egg timer after everyone has said goodbye to Ta-Ki.  The survivors are still sad and probably still recovering from the stress of the whole ranking process.  Then the announcer voice speaks up, and for the first time, I realize it might be coming from the egg.  They only hear the announcer voice when they’re in this room or onstage.  Is the egg talking to them, like the Tower in Wild Idol?  How have I not noticed this before?

The egg congratulates them, and the new banners unfurl.  

The Top 7 get their badges, and Jay is so happy to get his.  “It looks small and ornamental,” he tells us, “but it feels like my life’s riding on it.”  In a way, it really is.  For Hanbin, getting a badge is a new experience, and he doesn’t want to let it go.  For Jungwon, it’s his first time not getting a badge.  He looks sad and a little embarrassed, but we know he’s going to make it to the end and be the Leader of Enhypen. 

Our low-ranked finalists are very stressed, even more so now that we’re getting close to the end, and they don’t have much time left to prove themselves.  Ni-Ki looks like he hasn’t been getting any sleep.  He’s about to get even more stressed.  It’s time to reshuffle the teams for the Concept Test, now that Ta-Ki’s gone.  

Sunoo, as the top-ranked member, gets to decide who leaves Team Flame On (the awesome team) to join Team Chamber 5 (the cutesy pretty boy team).  If he sends Jay to Team Chamber 5, I will throw my computer in a dumpster.

Thankfully, he picks future bandmate Sunghoon, although now that I think about it, that’s not much better.  I hope Sunghoon makes him pay for this.  He was miserable on Team Pretty U.  Sunoo is grinning proudly like he just achieved peace in the Middle East. 

I don’t think Sunoo is thinking this through.  He’s also on Team Chamber 5, and he just recruited someone who hates the whole pretty boy vibe and might cause them to lose.  Ni-Ki would have been a much better choice, or even K, the Expression King.  To make it worse, Team Flame On is now losing their Leader to the other team.

Well, what’s done is done.  Right now, they all need to sleep, and Jay is excited to be in the luxury room with Sunoo and Heeseung.  As he looks around his new digs, his new roomies decide to read the goodbye letters he wrote them when he thought he was being eliminated.  They read the letters out loud with Jay cringing and protesting, “I was crying when I was writing those!”

The next day, Sunghoon is stressing out during rehearsal with his new team.  He’s still doing beast idol moves to the new pretty boy idol choreo, moving aggressively and stomping his feet instead of moving lightly.  He’s still in “Flame On” mode.  He’s also having trouble with the cutesy expressions.  This was a really, really bad idea. 

In fact, Sunghoon decides to get into the cutesy vibe by imitating Sunoo all day.  He starts bopping and singing in the kitchen area, which freaks out the other finalists and is pretty funny to watch.  He’s probably going to lose his mind by the end of the episode. 

Over at Team Flame On, not only have they lost their Leader, but Jay is starting from scratch.  He really believed he would be eliminated, so he’s been recording the rehearsals instead of actually rehearsing.  I’m dreading the midpoint evaluation.  

They also need a new Leader, and this time, they’re able to talk K into doing it.  Not wanting to make the same mistake as before, he tells his teammates, “I want everyone to give feedback to each other and go through this time well together.”

We watch both teams practice as the days go by, and now it’s time for the midpoint evaluation for Team Chamber 5.  Son Sung Deuk is surprised to see Sunghoon here.  He asks Sunoo if it wasn’t a bit cruel to take the other team’s Leader, and Sunoo laughs, thinking it’s a joke.  It’s probably a good thing that Sunoo isn’t the Leader of Enhypen.

Son Sung Deuk has them run through the choreo, and it’s a bit messy.  Sunoo is the only one able to keep a bright, cheery expression through the whole thing.  Son Sung Deuk does not look impressed.  When it’s over, he says the fact that nobody looks happy makes the whole performance awkward.  They all have a lot more work to do.  Sunghoon and Jake, who are having the worst time with the expression part, have no trouble expressing their depression afterward.

Now for Team Flame On.  Son Sung Deuk asks Jay how he enjoys being in the swanky room, and we learn that all the finalists like hanging out in there, and they make a mess.  Poor Jay.  But on the upside, their rehearsal goes really well.  Son Sung Deuk is actually smiling.  He tells them this is his first time being impressed during these training sessions.  I’m so happy for this group that’s been through so much already. 

We do get one red flag, though.  After all the praise, Son Sung Deuk tells Hanbin he needs to pick up the energy.  He’s not keeping up the same enthusiasm as the rest of the group.  When he runs through the choreo on his own, I notice how awkward he looks compared to the others.  This is worrisome.

Later in the kitchen area, Sunghoon hears Team Flame On talk about the positive feedback they got at their evaluation, and he gets upset.  He walks out, and in the next scene, we see him really focusing on his expressions with the rest of his team.  I feel so bad for him.  Sunoo really did him dirty.

Everyone takes a break to do some cleaning around the I-Land, and suddenly the giant egg timer starts beeping.  Maybe it needs a new battery.  Everyone runs to the lobby.  The gate opens, so everyone goes inside and just starts cleaning it.  This is one of the weirdest segments I’ve seen on this show.

Afterwards, they all gather in the kitchen to eat pizza and play games, and I’m wondering if this is a filler episode.  The show feels like it’s running out of steam.

As night falls, the giant egg orders the first, second, and third-ranked finalists to go to their room.  The three of them find cell phones on their beds.  Jay’s cell phone is placed on his “giant head of V from BTS” blanket, which I totally forgot he had, and the image startled me.  A sign on the wall says they can call anyone they want.  I have a million questions, including didn’t this show already give them cell phones, and have they not been able to call anyone all this time, but let’s just move on.

The boys talk about maybe calling their families and how happy they are to have cell phones.  Have they been hostages all this time?  Again, the show gave them BTS-branded cell phones in the early episodes.  Did they just take the phones away immediately when the cameras stopped filming? 

This was driving me nuts, so I had to stop and look it up.  During the three months of filming, the contestants were not allowed phones or any access to the internet.  They did get movie nights, but that was it.  The tablets they used to record their practice sessions did not have internet access.  There was a one-month gap between parts one and two of the series (part two started on the episode where BTS showed up), so during that month, they took a break and connected with their family and friends.  I guess the show gave disconnected BTS phones to the contestants as a promotion for Big Hit Entertainment, like everything else on this show. 

All the finalists gather together and decide to call an eliminated contestant and put him on speakerphone so they can all say hi.  They call Jaebeom, our songwriter trainee sent home in Episode 7.  He sounds happy to hear from them and is enjoying watching the show.

Sunoo, Heeseung, and Jay all find places to be alone and call their families.  I’m curious to hear the conversation between Seattle Jay and his mother.  They speak in Korean.  His mother initially believes that he’s calling because he was eliminated and immediately reassures him that it’s okay and she’s proud of him and oh my God I love her so much. 

She talks a LOT before Jay can finally get a word in and let her know he’s in third place, and she talks more about how proud she is of him.  I see where Jay gets his verbosity.

Meawhile, both Sunoo and Heeseung have family members who are fans of Jay, which cracks them up.  Their families all sound supportive and excited for them.  This is really sweet.

After the calls, when they’re trying to settle down so they can sleep, Jay and Heeseung discuss their fears of being eliminated and how much they’ve sacrificed to get here.  Jay says he was so upset when he was ranked last at the midpoint evaluation, he wanted to break his own hands.  Jay is kind of intense.

Rehearsals get more intense.  We get a montage of everyone practicing with higher and higher energy.  Everyone is gunning for a badge.  And finally, it’s D-Day.

Our stage lights up, and Namgoong Min appears on the screen, taking a page from the Steve Jobs fashion pamphlet.  

Tonight, the judges will be making the decisions instead of the viewers.  Our judges tonight are Doobu, Son Sung Deuk, Bang Si Hyuk, and DAMMIT WonderKid.  Why is this guy still here?  He never shows up for midpoint evaluations and doesn’t seem to contribute anything else to this show or help the contestants.  Is he the nephew of someone at Big Hit Entertainment?

Back at the giant egg timer, the Top 7 turn in their badges.  The one who ranks 10^th tonight will be eliminated.  Team Chamber 5 is up first.  Good.  Let’s get the cutesy song out of the way first.

They’re off to a bad start when they can’t even do their team greeting in sync, but at least the judges find that funny.  Hopefully the performance will be better.  Let’s go.

It’s cute, bubbly, adorable, perfectly in sync, and makes me want to barf.  So, mission accomplished, I guess.  The judges praise Sunoo, Jake, and Sunghoon for their expressions.  Apparently Sunghoon learned to swallow his pride and plaster on a believable smile.  He’d better get a badge out of this.

The judges didn’t find Heeseung’s expressions quite as believable.  Heeseung is twenty years old and has aged way past this.  Jungwon lacked energy in parts.  But overall, the judges are pleased.  Good.  Please let these guys go back to their rooms and look for what’s left of their dignity.

Now Team Flame On takes the stage, and right away, I approve of their jackets, although on Hanbin, it looks more like a raincoat.  The stylists should have made his jacket a little shorter.  They do the usual chitchat with the judges, and then it’s showtime.

This is straight FIRE.  I feel like I’m watching an actual Enhypen performance, even though there are only two future Enhypen members on this team.  The judges love it.  Doobu gives them a standing ovation.  “You really destroyed the stage,” Bang Si Hyuk tells them.  “I felt like I was watching pros.  This is how a performance should be.  I could tell you came to burn the stage.”

He singles out K and Ni-Ki for praise, and this is the happiest I’ve seen Ni-Ki in a long time.  Daniel also gets praise, so I don’t think he’ll be eliminated today.  Hanbin, sadly, is told that he was slightly out of step with the rest of the group, and his singing could have been better.  Oof.

Team Flame On returns to the I-Land while the judges huddle.  The power is in their hands now.  Every time Wonderkid speaks, I want to shut off his mic.

Back at the I-Land, I think Hanbin knows it’s over.  He’s 23 years old, which is middle age for K-pop trainees who haven’t debuted yet.  He sinks to the floor and puts his head in his hands, and K tries to comfort him.  This is heartbreaking.

I looked up Hanbin to see what happens to him after this show and OH MY GOD HE’S IN THE GROUP TEMPEST.  HOW DID I NOT KNOW HE WAS IN THE GROUP TEMPEST??

Last year, when I first started getting into K-pop, one of the videos that appeared on my YouTube feed was “Dangerous” by Tempest, and it’s been one of my absolute favorites ever since.  I still play that song on my power walks.  I also love the video, but Hanbin is styled as the bad boy of the group, so he looks VERY different, and I didn’t recognize him on this show.

Tempest has another song I really like, “Baddest Behavior.”  So far, they’ve released six albums and won a bunch of awards, including a Seoul Music Award and two Asia Artist Awards, and they were nominated for MAMA’s Best New Male Artist in 2022.  (They lost to a group whose name I can’t pronounce, and it doesn’t matter because they’re still awesome.)

So, judges, please cut Hanbin from this show.  He has to go be in Tempest.  Yes, he’ll be heartbroken, but then he gets to be in Tempest.  The longer you keep him on this show, THE LONGER HE’S NOT IN TEMPEST!!!  WHAT IS HE STILL DOING HERE??!!!

Okay.  I apologize.  I got a little carried away.  I still don’t even know if Hanbin is the one getting eliminated in this episode.  He’d better be.  I have never wanted to see someone get eliminated so desperately in this entire eight months of recapping these shows.

As the I-Landers wait for the new rankings, they pack their bags and say some prayers. Ni-Ki especially.  Jay, on the other hand, takes out his spiral-bound book of fan letters and reads through them for moral support.  Ni-Ki and Jay, you’re going to be fine.  You’ll be bandmates in Enhypen, and as a bonus, you’ll be friends with a member of Tempest!  You can hang out with Hanbin at the 2022 MAMA Awards when Enhypen loses to BTS in the Best Male Group category and Tempest loses to something called “Xdinary Heroes,” and then both your bands can go out together and celebrate that you have better band names than “Xdinary Heroes.”  I know it’s supposed to be “Extraordinary Heroes,” but first of all, that is WAY too long of a band name, and secondly, the “X” doesn’t cover the “extraor” part, so the band name is “Ex-dinary Heroes” which is a worse name than “Wonderkid.”

Time for the rankings.  Our boys are summoned back to the stage.  Here we go.

#1 is K, with a score of 92.  Woah.  I did not see that coming.  We are off to a very surprising start.  I’m happy for him.  He’s going to leave this show with a performance he can be proud of and then go on to join Ta-Ki in the ampersand band.

#2 is Ni-Ki, up seven spots, with a score of 87, and finally getting a Top 7 badge!  The look on his face gives me life.  He is beaming while the others congratulate him, while he says his thank-yous, and while walking through the gate back to the I-Land.  I love this kid.

#3 is Sunoo, with a score of 86.  Down two spots, but still ranked high.  He’s very grateful.  I don’t think he thought he was going to be eliminated, but he was expecting to have to leave the swanky bedroom.

#4 is Heeseung, with a score of 83.  Thank goodness, because he was fully expecting to be sent home.  He’s been looking physically sick this whole time, and now he can finally breathe.  He breaks down in tears during his thank-yous and says, “I really want to be a good idol.”  Oh, sweetie.  In 2024, you’ll be part of a group that will be touring arenas in the United States.

#5 is Sunghoon, with a score of 81.  He’s at the same spot, and I’m so glad after he suffered his way through that sappy pretty boy song.  He just looks relieved.  He’s been through it this week, getting yanked from a beast idol group to the one with pillow fight choreography.

#6 is Jay, with a score of 79.  He’s still in the Top 7.  Again, stunned and relieved.  He may have dropped three spots, but he’s still alive, kicking, and wearing a badge.

#7 is Jake, with a score of 78.  Man, these scores are close.  And he remains in the same spot, despite getting double votes last time.  Believe me, this is the most flattering screenshot I can get of his reaction.  He’s also been through it this week, but he’s still got the badge.

#8 is Daniel, with a score of 77.  Up two spots.  The only two left are future Tempest member Hanbin and future Enhypen leader Jungwon.

Jungwon is announced as the final survivor.  Hanbin looks like he’s just been punched in the gut.

After Jungwon thanks the judges, he runs to hug Hanbin, who is now smiling.  He’s accepted the elimination.  He saw it coming, and he knows it’s time to go.

Hanbin, get out there and find your Tempest bandmates.

Episode 12 (Finale):  Enhypen, after an Eternity (and thank God for BTS)

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I-Land, Episode 9: Underdogs

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(Written October 25, 2024)

Welcome back to the I-Land, where dreams, hope, sunlight, fresh air, and emotional stability all go to die.  We are down to eleven finalists.  Seven of them will make up the group Enhypen.  The remaining four will be sent home and given the chance to re-evaluate their life choices.  Let’s do this!

Our finalists return to the giant egg timer room after meeting Geonu outside to say goodbye.  Ta-Ki is still a numbed mess.  Daniel is still shaken after nearly getting eliminated.  Everyone does a big group hug and decides to do well on the next test for Geonu.

The announcer voice jump-scares them all as it congratulates them and unfurls the new banners with the current rankings.  The finalists put their nameplates on their chairs, and the Top 7 get their badges.  Then they’re told the second test will be revealed in twelve hours.  Good.  Please let these boys sleep.

Our Top 3-ranked finalists go to their swanky room and find something new.  It’s a sign on the wall saying that these three get to have a day of freedom.  All the finalists try to guess what it could be, like a movie or a day of video games.  You know, activities done indoors with no sunlight or fresh air.  One of them does suggest an amusement park, so maybe there’s hope for deprogramming after all. 

Night passes.  The next day, everyone gathers for breakfast and talks about how much they miss Geonu and wonder what he’s doing right now.  Guys, he didn’t die.  The show gave you those brand-new cell phones when you first got here.  Just text him.  

Never mind – there’s no time.  The twelve hours are up.  Our boys report to the giant egg timer to find out their next test.  In the big practice room, they’re surprised to find props – risers, curtain screens, and large tubes.  These props are for their Chemistry Test.  This is where the I-Landers and global fans will try to connect.  They will split into two groups and each learn a new song written for the show, “Flicker” and “Dive Into You.” 

The test begins in six days.  The top-ranked finalist, Heeseung, will be given priority to select his song and team members.

Heeseung chooses the song “Flicker.”  His teammates will be Sunghoon, Jake, Jungwon, and K.  Oooh, so close!  It was almost a team of all Enhypen members!

Jay is not happy about being overlooked by Heeseung.  He keeps getting underestimated on this show, and he’s desperate for a chance to get out of the rut of the Number 6 slot.  He tells us he feels betrayed, like Heeseung abandoned him.  In looking over my notes, I completely understand.  He’s spent this entire series trying so hard to shine.

Ta-Ki is also frustrated because Heeseung has taken all the top members. I checked, and yep, Heeseung has the 1-4 members and 7^th-ranked Jake.  That’s okay.  One thing I’ve learned from these shows is that the top-ranked finalists can get complacent and fall in the ranks.  It’s happened in every show I’ve recapped.

The two teams play Rock Paper Scissors to decide which team gets the big practice room.  Heeseung and Jay play for their respective teams, and of course, Heeseung wins.  Jay looks even more bummed, and I just want to remind him that there’s still a big practice room available at the Ground, right downstairs.  I miss that place already.

But Jay has a bit of a breakdown here, feeling the resentment and embarrassment of the past several weeks building up.  I know he’s a finalist and in the Top 7, but it’s hard to have a sense of perspective when you’ve been through it the way Jay has.  Maybe the natural light of the Ground’s practice room would help.  IT’S RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS.

Jay’s Dive Into You Team is fueled by being the underdogs and is determined to win this.  They run upstairs to another practice room.  I am so pulling for them.  Both Jay and Ta-Ki are on the same team, and these two really need a win.

Team Flicker gathers in the big practice room and goofs around with the props.  Meanwhile, Jay’s team is downbeat and gloomy.  But then Jay decides to change his attitude and tells his team not to be resentful.  “Let’s show them how good we are!” he says.  Go Seattle!

Jay’s not done.  “Let’s just take all from first to sixth place,” he says.  He’s dreaming big.  Daniel agrees, saying, “Let’s use this upset feeling to work hard.”

Jay steps up as the group’s leader, and they start deciding on parts.  It’s amazing to watch Jay at work here, galvanizing his team and putting each member in the right part.  This team is on fire.

Now we cut to Team Flicker.  Heeseung tells his team he knows exactly what parts everyone should do.  Right away, K speaks up.  “I think we should share which part we want to do,” he says.  K, I knew I could count on you to sabotage your own team. 

Most of Team Flicker thinks Heeseung should do Part 2, which is the part he wants anyway.  However, K also wants Part 2.  The whole vibe gets awkward.  To keep the peace, Heeseung agrees to take a different part.  The others ask him if he’s sure, and he insists.  “Yes, Part One is good.  I like it.”  The others don’t look convinced.  “Why, I’m really fine!”  Heeseung says.  Anyone who has used the word “fine” like that knows how he really feels. 

Heeseung tells us in a confessional that K has said hurtful things to him before, so he’s trying to avoid another conflict.  He’s a little intimidated by K.  I hope this is the test that results in K getting kicked to the curb.  

Heeseung now asks Sunghoon and Jake what parts they want.  Before either can answer, K says he thinks Sunghoon should take Part 5, and Jungwon should take Part 3.  It looks like he’s bullying his way into calling the shots.  Everyone quickly says it’s fine, even though it clearly isn’t.  The parts are now assigned, whether they like it or not.  K has hijacked the group.

Back to Jay’s team, and I think it’s the next day, because Ni-Ki enters the practice room and says the other team is sleeping in.  Jay’s team decides to take advantage of the additional rehearsal time.  Jay is working like a demon, planning out the choreo even during breaks.  He’s not the only one.  Team Flicker’s Jake, self-conscious about the fact that he ranks lower than his teammates, practices alone while the others sleep, determined to get his part right.

We get an interesting scene with Jay’s team.  The lyrics to “Dive Into You” are mostly in English, and Jay translates them for the other members.  When they get to the word “marvelous,” which they have trouble pronouncing, Sunoo asks if it’s a reference to Marvel movies.  They also learn the terms for a ship deck, ocean, and sky.  I’m always fascinated when K-pop artists learn English.  It makes my own native language sound new to me.

Back to the Flicker Team, which is finally rehearsing together.  Heeseung is trying to lead the team, but K keeps talking over him and taking over.  Heeseung wants to keep everyone in sync.  This is a standard, basic rule of  K-pop choreo.  But K thinks that doesn’t matter and that everyone can be different.  Now I’m starting to wonder if K really is trying to sabotage the team.  They’re also going by K’s memory of the choreo instead of watching the original moves on their tablets, so they’re getting some of the moves wrong.

At his team’s insistence, K finally does check the tablet and is not happy to see that he misremembered a key move.  Heeseung tries to be diplomatic and suggests they work on another part of the choreo.  But K is now sulking.  At 24 years old, he’s the oldest one on the show, but he’s behaving like a child.

Possibly trying to save face, K still insists they don’t have to be in perfect sync.  Again, this is breaking a fundamental rule of K-pop choreo.  During a break, Heeseung tells Jungwon and Sunghoon that he thinks this is a bad idea, but he doesn’t know how to talk to K about it.  Heeseung may be the team leader, but K is the oldest, so the others have to show respect.  Even if he isn’t showing any back.

I’ve never been so happy to cut to a midpoint evaluation.  Maybe one of the coaches can intervene.  Son Sung Deuk is here, and we can always count on him to be bluntly honest.

Both teams are here, and a fired-up Jay volunteers his team to go first.  please be good please be good please be good ….

They’re not just good.  They kick ass.  They are determined and fierce in their expressions, and they dance in perfect sync with furious energy. 

Son Sung Deuk is more reserved in his feedback.  He tells them they need more practice, but the song suits them well.  He asks about their process, and Jay explains how they divided up the parts, wanting to emphasize the talents of each member.  The coaches commend him.  I love this.  After being literally ignored in a previous midpoint check and struggling to be seen this entire series, Jay is finally able to shine.  

Son Sung Deuk does have constructive criticism for Team Dive Into You.  They need to dial it back a bit.  The energy is so aggressive, it’s a bit draining to watch.  I see his point, although the furious energy is what I really like about it.  The judges won’t know their motivation and will instead wonder why everyone is so angry.

Team Flicker’s turn.  Right off, Jake is out of sync with the others.  He’s also off the beat.  The coaches clock it right away.  I don’t like that Jake is getting the full brunt of the criticism, especially since he’s been working so hard, and there are deeper problems with this team that need to be addressed.

We cut to early morning the next day.  Everyone wakes up to find bags of gifts next to their beds.  They all get clothes – hoodies, jogging pants, golf shirts.  Was BTS here again?  No, it turns out the Top 3 finalists got these gifts for everyone else yesterday on their day of freedom, which I’d completely forgotten about.

We then get the survival reality show equivalent of a side quest as we follow Heeseung, Jungwon, and Sunghoon on their day of freedom.  They go to a pet café and play with dogs.  Then it’s off to a VR arcade and ice skating.  It looks exhausting.  If I had a day of freedom, I would just stay in bed all day and watch Netflix.  They end the day with clothes shopping for the other I-Landers.  It’s all very cute and fan service-y.  Now back to the real show.

The Flicker Team is practicing again, and K is being a jerk again.  When is someone going to call him out?  Then vocal trainer Kim Sung Eun arrives to hear them sing.  She’s famous for being the former vocal coach for three members of BTS before their debut, because everyone on this show has to be connected to Big Hit Entertainment in some way.

They run through the song, but Heeseung doesn’t know his part yet.  Kim Sung Eun wants to know why, and no one wants to tell her it’s because K’s been making everyone prioritize dance rehearsal over singing.  K finally speaks up and tells her he’s been setting the priorities.  She tells them they’re being irresponsible.  The scene cuts here.

Unable to sleep that night, Heeseung and Sungwon stay up late talking, trying to figure out what to do.  They don’t even feel like practicing anymore, and it’s three days until the test.

The next day, the Flicker Team gathers in the practice room, and Heeseung decides to take action.  He tells K, “Since you’re the oldest here, it’s hard to approach you sometimes.”  K says he doesn’t know what Heeseung is talking about, but he has to know.  He’s not dumb.

Jungwon steps in and says that K isn’t leaving enough room for everyone else to share their opinions.  He and Heeseung are being as tactful as possible, but suddenly K pulls his hood over his head and wipes away a tear.  He gets up and walks out.  The camera follows him into a lounge area, where he slumps onto a bench and cries.

I can’t believe I’m feeling bad for him right now.

After giving him a few minutes, the others join him in the lounge.  K apologizes and says he really likes them.  Now they’re all crying and I’m crying and can we please just get to a performance or something?

I want to skip the rest of this, but then Heeseung says something really sweet and compassionate.  He tells K, “We like you so much that we didn’t want to get into a fight, no matter the reason, or say anything bad to you.  I think that’s where we messed up.”

We fade out on this scene of reconciliation while I cry my way through half a box of Kleenex.  Now we’re back to the practice room, where Team Flicker is getting back to work.  We get a montage of both teams practicing while the days tick by.  Finally, thankfully, it’s D-Day.  Both teams are ready.  I’m ready.  Let’s friggin’ do this!

Back to the stage we go, with Namgoong Min on the big screen in his formal K-pop attire.  Our judges are Bang Si Hyuk, Doobu, Pdogg, and Son Sung Deuk.  Looks like Wonderkid won’t make it today.  What a shame.  We’re reminded that the global voters will determine the rankings this time and who has to go home. 

The Top 7 finalists are told to remove their badges and put them back in the glass cabinet before the test begins.  This time, the 11^th-ranked finalist will be cut.  No immunity.  The judges do have a bit of influence here:  After the test, when the global audience starts voting, the judges will pick the top I-Lander, and the votes he gets over the next 24 hours will count double.

First up is Team Flicker, which is Heeseung, K, Jake, Jungwon, and Sunghoon.  They look stylish in matching red suits.  Pdogg asks K directly if there were any conflicts within the group, and of course that’s not an innocent question, or he’d be asking team leader Heeseung.  K glosses over the question by saying he’s still learning as he goes.  Nicely deflected, K.  Now it’s showtime with Team Flicker and their backup dancers.  

It’s sultry, smooth, sexy, and flawlessly in sync.  And again, K kills it with the expressions.  Despite everything,  I find it hard to believe he’s going to be eliminated eventually.  The judges applaud.  They have nothing but praise, especially for Jake, who has improved a lot since the interim check.  This is going to be a tough team to beat.

Now Team Dive Into You takes the stage – Sunoo, Hanbin, Ni-Ki, Daniel, Ta-Ki, and Seattle Jay.  They’ve prepared individual greetings, and I love Jay’s:  “If you want, I’ll lighten the mood with my resentment, anger, and shame.  I’m the brand new leader, Jay!”  The judges love it.  Okay, I might have a bias in this group after all.

Showtime.

This is one of the raciest songs I’ve ever seen performed on these shows.  I’m pretty sure Hanbin and Jay are the only team members legally old enough to do what they’re singing about.  Daniel, the show maknae, is only fifteen, so I’m a bit uncomfortable watching him in this performance, along with Ta-Ki, and Ni-Ki, both sixteen. I feel like all three of them need an adult.

The judges give their feedback.  Bang Si Hyuk is kind overall, but he feels that Ta-Ki and Daniel didn’t do very well, which made the team feel unbalanced.  I can’t help thinking that part of the problem is that they were trying to perform a level of sexual prowess that I sincerely hope neither one has experienced yet.  Bang Si Hyuk is right – they didn’t quite fit with the others.  Ni-Ki, however, gets high praise.

Sunoo gets criticism for not being expressive enough, and the judges feel like Jay did a good job but didn’t really stand out.  I cringe when I hear that.  Jay’s been dealing with that very problem this entire series.  I have to wonder how this feedback from the judges will influence the voters.

Speaking of voters, the judges will now choose the finalist whose votes will count double over the next 24 hours. 

It’s Jake, our future Enhypen member who was struggling during rehearsals.  I’m legit happy for him.  The other finalists  hug and congratulate him.  Ever humble, he says he owes this to his Flicker teammates.

It’s now time for the global viewers to vote.  And with that, the episode comes to an end.

It wasn’t the big underdog triumph I wanted for Jay’s team, but still, our Seattle boy is hanging in there.  I think starting next episode, we need to start saying goodbye to our most underage finalists.  They need a few more years on them before they sing songs like this again.

See you then, and I’ll just keep the number of Korean child welfare services handy.

Episode 10:  Lots of Fans and Tears

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I-Land, Episode 7: Our First Houseguests

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(Written October 20, 2024)

Today, we get down to our final twelve and move them all to the I-Land.  I’m hoping the new I-Landers will still pop over to the Ground every now and then before they forget what trees look like.  Let’s do this.

It’s still D-Day, and we’ve moving to Part 2.  The global vote.  Ten people are going home today.  But first, we’re told that somebody has come to visit the I-Land.  After all the buildup, it had better be BTS.

Yes!  It’s BTS in the flesh!  It’s good to see them all together.  As I write this, most of them are doing their military service, and Yoongi (Suga) has been dealing with legal issues, bad publicity, and a fine of over $11,000 for driving an electric scooter while drunk.  It’s nice to rewind time and see them before all the bad stuff.  It’s also good to see them actually here on this set, walking through the gate, instead of just sending a video message.

They walk into the giant egg timer room, which they recognize right away because they’ve been watching the show.  The chairs are now numbered one through twelve according to rank.  No more name tags.  As Jin takes the Number One seat and the others tease him about it, the announcer voice booms out and welcomes them, making them almost jump right out of their skin.

Jin points to the giant egg timer and says, “Doesn’t that look like the egg of an alien?”  I’ve been saying this from the beginning – the whole place looks like an alien planet.  RM says the I-Land feels like a natural history museum.  These are not the descriptions you would expect of someone’s living quarters, so I feel vindicated.  I’d love to get their feedback on the Ground facility. 

J-hope is a big fan of the show, so he tells the others about the practice rooms and the banners overhead, but he draws a blank when he sees a glass cabinet with badges in them.  These are new.  They look like something the crew of the Starship Enterprise would wear.  There are seven of these badges.  Aha.  J-hope wonders if this means seven people will be debuting.  Yup. 

They have fun with the magnetic name plates.  Jimin and V do some choreo in the main practice room.  They remember practicing in a smaller room in their early days, and the mirrors would fog up, so they’d wipe them down with newspaper.

They check out the individual practice rooms, and we get a better view of the layout of this place.  They hang out in the lounge and then move upstairs to see the ginormous living room.  They see that the bedrooms are now numbered by rank, along with the chairs.  If I came home and found that Namjoon or J-hope had been lying on my bed, I’d frame the comforter and never wash it again. 

Soon, they find all the amenities awaiting the Top 3 ranked I-Landers in their shared bedroom, including a huge massage chair, snacks, and game machines.  The Top 3 also get a bathroom upgrade.  

As they move on through the I-Land, Jungkook tries to raid the pantry.  We learn that the twelve finalists still have 40 days to go in this facility.  We have six episodes left, including this one.  We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.

As they backtrack through the living room, the screen on the wall lights up to tell them the entrance ceremony for Part 2 is about to begin.  They all take a seat.  Namgoong Min appears on the screen.  He explains that going forward, this will be a competition of individuals.  They will be judged by top producers, including Doobu, Son Sung Deuk, Pdogg, and Wonderkid. The global viewers will decide who leaves.  And it will all be overseen by BTS Producer and our show’s fearless leader, Bang Si Hyuk.  

The producers aren’t in the control room anymore.  They’re at a judges’ table, like we’re used to seeing on these shows.  We now meet the six survivors we already know about.  They all get video introductions with background and interviews.  As they take the stage in front of the producers, their banners unfurl next to them. 

We have Sunghoon, Jungwon, Heeseung, Jay, Jake, and finally, K.  I just have to show Jay’s toddler picture below, because LOOK AT THAT CUTE FACE!  We also get to hear Jake speak English with an Aussie accent in his audition video.  I’m looking at five future members of Enhypen … and K.  They thank the producers and make their way through the gate back to the I-Land facility.  (Did BTS leave?)

Now the sixteen dropouts make their way to the stage to learn their fates.  We know two of the finalists will be Sunoo and Ni-Ki, and finally our seven bandmates will be living in the same facility.  As the dropouts stand before the producers, the six I-Lander finalists watch anxiously from their giant egg timer room.  Possibly with BTS upstairs in the living room.  Seriously, is anyone going to check to see if they’re still up there?

One by one, the dropouts are whittled down to six finalists.

Ni-Ki.  No surprise there, and not just because I know the winners.  Despite a morally shaky start, he has been a consistently strong performer and high score earner.  He’s earned the third highest number of votes, a little over two million, among all the dropout finalists.  He has definitely earned his spot. 

The announcer tells him to go through the gate to the I-Land.  So they’re sending them through one by one.  I feel like I’m watching a series finale.  I love his emotional arrival when he greets his future bandmates.  And K.

Daniel.  He’s won the second highest number of votes, 2.5 million.  Again, he’s earned high scores and given strong performances, plus he won most of the United States vote.  Because apparently Jay doesn’t exist.  Our show maknae bursts into tears and hugs the other dropouts before heading over to the I-Land.

Sunoo.  Our future Enhypen member is the top vote-getter with 2.6 million votes.  The viewers adore him.  Before this show, he’d only been training for ten months.  He’s been back and forth between the I-Land and the Ground so much this season, he probably never had a chance to unpack.  Now he gets to enjoy the I-Land facilities and bonding with his future bandmates before becoming a K-pop idol.

Okay.  Now it’s time to meet our remaining three survivors who still won’t make it to the final group.

Geonu.  He’s in fourth place with 1.9 million votes.  The I-Landers are so excited, they’re losing their minds.  They’ve been saying his name like a mantra all this time, hoping his name will be called.  He’s so stunned, he only blinks a couple of times in reaction, and his fellow dropouts have to shake him back to reality.  It’s not until he goes through the gate and is joyously greeted by the I-Landers that he finally breaks into a smile.

Ta-Ki.  He’s in fifth place with 1.7 million votes, and he’s got a new haircut that really doesn’t work on him.  He’s so stunned, he almost falls forward.  Again, the I-Landers are ecstatic.  K and Ni-Ki are especially happy.  Ta-Ki stammers out his gratitude to the viewers before walking through the gate and almost being smothered to death with hugs.

Only one spot left.  One more person will walk through the gate, and ten people are going home.  Of course, the show is going to do the cruel thing and call three semi-finalists forward and make them sweat it out for a while.  I’ll skip all that.  In sixth place, with a little over one million votes, is …

Hanbin.  Our 23 year-old Vietnamese trainee.  His nerves are so shattered at this point, he just starts crying. 

The twelve finalists come back out to hug their friends goodbye.  These finalists are going to have to go through this exhausting process one last time in just a few more episodes.  I tried looking up how many K-pop trainees get ulcers from the stress of survival reality shows, but Google was no help.  I also Googled, “Is BTS still in the living room at the I-Land?” and got the answer that all the BTS members live in South Korea.  Google thinks I’m an idiot.

As the ten eliminated trainees leave, the show tells us they will all walk a new path.  They see this another step along the way to their dreams.  Given my current view of the industry, I have very mixed feelings about this.

Namgoong Min now says he will reveal the final number of members who will debut.  In keeping with the spectacle of these shows, I expect a huge number to appear in lights over the finalists’ heads, but no.  He just casually tells us there will be seven people in the group.  We don’t even get to see the finalists’ reactions to this news.  Bang Si Hyuk will produce this final group.

Speaking of Bang Si Hyuk, will our finalists now get to meet BTS?  We’re halfway through the episode and have been building to this all series.  I would love if the finalists went upstairs and found the members of BTS sleeping in their beds.

We’re told that now the global audience will start voting for the final seven members.  Our finalists return to the   I-Land, and Hanbin is excited because he’s never been here before. 

The announcer welcomes them, and now it’s time for the rankings.  We know that the Top 3 will get the best sleeping and lounge areas, once they kick BTS out.

Suddenly, the giant egg timer lights up, and it would be so funny if a giant chicken hatched out of it right now.  The announcer tells us there will be four tests.  The first and third will be decided by the coaches/producers.  The second and fourth will be decided by the global viewers’ voting.  The I-Landers will no longer be casting any votes.  Their fates are in other people’s hands.

Only the seven who survive all four tests will be able to debut.  The announcer tells them that from now on, this is no longer a shared destiny.  It’s a competition of individuals.  The Top 7 in each test will get the special badges we saw earlier, and the ones wearing the badges, along with the Top 3 getting special accommodations, will be changed by the test results every time.

Now for the first rankings.  Let’s see who gets the badges and the swankiest accommodations.  Future Enhypen members are highlighted in yellow.

Fifth-ranked K is not happy as he watches the others in the Top 7 collect their badges.  He sits quietly seething as he stares at them.  He tells us in a confessional, “The way we think and the way the global viewers think is a bit different.” 

Wow.  That’s catty and rather unwise.  Some of the global viewers might think you’re insulting their judgement, K.  Maybe just be grateful to be in the Top 7 and wearing a badge, K.

I see another potential problem.  Sunoo is excited and smiling about his Number One spot.  Anyone familiar with these shows knows that’s not a good thing.  Common courtesy in Korea is to be humble.  Sunoo is Korean and knows this, and in his voiceover, he actually says, “I was really happy, but I tried to be tactful and not show it.”  We see him hiding his face and puffing out his cheeks to keep from smiling, but he’s not really successful.

This wouldn’t matter so much on an American show.  But we’ve seen how a segment of K-pop fans can turn on a dime, and if they decide Sunoo isn’t being humble enough, they can make him pay by voting for someone else.  If the show is giving Sunoo an evil edit, not only are they sabotaging his chances, but they’re damaging his reputation.  Part of me wonders if K is also getting an evil edit, but he’s not making any effort to hide his sour expression, and we watch him make the snarky comment about the voters in a confessional.  That’s a lot harder to explain away.

With that awkwardness still hanging in the air, the announcer shares the details of the first test.  Our finalists will perform in three units of four.  The unit with the highest total score will be safe from elimination.  If the lowest-ranking I-Lander is among the first place unit, the next lowest-ranking I-Lander will be eliminated.

Basically with this test, the coaches are looking for one person to eliminate.  I wonder if K is being set up as that person.

Now the song for the first test will be revealed.  It’s a BTS song.  Wait – is BTS gong to come downstairs now?  Not exactly.  The video screens show BTS in the upstairs living room.  But it’s not live.  BTS recorded this earlier, which probably means they’ve already left.  That’s a bummer.  I would have loved to see these finalists meet their idols.  But the finalists are beyond surprised and excited to see that BTS filmed something right upstairs in their living room, so I think they’re okay with this.  Seriously, I’m worried some of them might have a stroke.

BTS starts the video by greeting the finalists, who are too busy having collective coronaries to hear what they’re saying.  Honestly, I think even the BTS Army is starting to worry about them right now. 

In the video, V jokingly says he’s called dibs on the blue bed, and Sunoo immediately calls dibs on the same bed.  BTS says the outdoor patio also looked nice, but they couldn’t go out there because of the rain.  Now I know why they left early.  The bones were already going brittle from a lack of Vitamin D.

BTS tells the finalists that each of the three groups will be performing a different BTS song.  The first song is “I Need U.”  BTS stresses the importance of expressing the desperation of the song.  Jungkook sings a few lines to demonstrate, and we won’t need eliminations because some of our finalists are squeeing to death.  When J-hope demonstrates some of the choreo, we may need to call the Korean number for 911.

The second song is “DNA,” and now I’m the one squeeing because I love that song.  The choreo will be particularly challenging because of how frenzied it gets while still keeping all the dancers in perfect synch.  There’s also a part where the dancers cluster together, grab hands, and do a wave.

The third song is another favorite of mine, “Fake Love.”  (Fun fact:  Pdogg co-wrote and produced this song.)  This is a dark, angry song with ballet-inspired moves.  The whole song feels like a shriek of anguish, and the choreo also requires physical contact when the dancers intertwine their arms.  If I were the finalists, that’s the song I’d want to do.  It’s incredibly difficult and has high notes, so it’s a risk, but if you can successfully pull it off, you’ll impress the hell out of the judges and voters.

BTS now says there will be a mini-mission before the actual test.  The gate slowly opens.  The boys hold their breath, expecting BTS.  We’re all expecting BTS.  Is it BTS?  No.  It’s Son Sung Deuk, accompanied by a special guest, choreographer Bae Yoon Jung.  She has a loooong list of famous artists and survival reality shows she’s choreographed for. 

Bae Yoon Jung greets the boys cheerfully.  They nod dumbly in response.  She asks them some questions, and they all just stare.  She asks Son Sung Deuk if they’re always this quiet.  Oh, no.  You’d think I’d have remembered from Shining SOLO and literally all the other recaps I’ve done.  Male trainees are incapable of talking to women.  Wonho, where are you?

Our guest choreographer finally gives up and tells them what the BTS mini-mission is:  a freestyle dance battle between all the I-Landers.  This triggers even more stress in our trainees.  Some of them don’t know how to freestyle.  Ta-Ki, who has plenty of experience in freestyle, has never been in a dance battle.  Whose bright idea was this?

Everyone gathers to get this over with.  The Top 3 winners will get to choose their three teammates and which BTS song they want to perform for the test.  Bae Yoon Jung asks for the first two volunteers to battle, and everyone just stares at the floor.  I am so tired of this.  Finally, Jay steps forward.  This whole battle is just filler, so I’m going to fast-forward and find out who our winners are.

Third place is Jungwon, second is K, and first is Ta-Ki.  Everybody is shocked at Ta-Ki’s win, including Ta-Ki, but I’m not.  I may have been fast-forwarding, but I could see he was the best one.  His moves were insane.  I hope he picks the “DNA” song because it’s got that locking choreo that suits his style perfectly. 

All the I-Landers run upstairs, because I guess we’re going to pick the teams later, and they’re thrilled at what they find in the living room.  BTS has autographed an I-Land poster for them.  They’ve also left a huge pile of gifts.  As they look through the boxes, the screen lights up, and BTS appears again.

They have another gift for our I-Landers.  They’ve heard that our boys have had concerns and worries about being on this show, so they’re going to help.  Turns out that earlier, the I-Landers were told to write down questions they would like to ask BTS. 

We only get to see them respond to Hanbin’s question about losing his confidence.  BTS gives an encouraging pep talk about self-esteem, and that’s it.  Hanbin is happy, though, so I guess it’s worth it.

Now the I-Landers realize that the cushions where BTS were sitting smell like their colognes.  So now, I’m watching a group of young men smell the couch cushions.  How is this the gender that rules the world?

They open the presents, and I’ll admit that BTS was incredibly generous.  They get handwritten messages, high-end autographed sneakers, wake-up messages recorded on alarm clocks, modernized hanbok and other really nice clothes, cameras, body pillows, wooden bowls and utensils, and other autographed knickknacks.  Jay gets a huge blanket with V’s face on it.  He wraps it around his shoulders like a cape, and for the rest of the episode, whenever the I-Landers run around, I’m seeing V’s giant face bobbing along with them like a disembodied K-pop cartoon character.

Now our boys see how the room arrangements have changed, which the Top 3 getting brand new upgraded accommodations.  Here’s where we suddenly get another strange or weirdly edited reaction from first place-ranked Sunoo.  He’s excited about getting the best room and dances around, gloating about being Number One.  I know I’ve only seen a handful of these shows, but I’ve never seen a finalist act like this.

The trainees ranked four and below run to check out their rooms and are disappointed to find they’re the same as before.  Only Sunoo, Heeseung, and Daniel’s room got the upgrades.

Speaking of our Top 3, they are rejoicing in their room.  Sunoo won’t let Daniel or Heeseung use the massage chair because it’s assigned to the top-ranked I-Lander.  His bed is also bigger and adjustable using a remote control.  The other trainees come in and ask if they can use the massage chair sometimes, and Sunoo is too busy playing with the adjustable bed to respond.  I have to believe the show is editing this to make him look bad.

K, on the other hand, doesn’t need a bad edit.  He’s just being a jerk.  In a confessional, he says, “The first place went to someone who was at the Ground, and he got more votes than Heeseung.  That didn’t make sense to me.”  He has to know the voters are going to see the confessional footage.  Why is he doing this?

We skip ahead to nighttime.  K, who just won’t let it go, tells his roommates, “I don’t like the rankings.”  Heeseung, who is hanging out in his room, quickly changes the subject to the upcoming test and how nervous he is.  Now we get a flashback to the teams and songs being chosen, which makes it look like this show is also anxious to change the subject.

As the first place winner of the freestyle battle, Ta-Ki gets to choose first.  He chooses Heeseung, Sunghoon, and Sunoo.  He’s chosen all Top 7 teammates.  Smart move.  But because he chose his teammates first, Ta-Ki has to wait until it comes back around to his turn to choose the song.

K chooses next, and he picks the song “DNA.”  I’m disappointed because I really wanted to see Ta-Ki do that one. 

Jungwon is next, and he chooses the song, “I Need U.”  That leaves Ta-Ki and his team with “Fake Love.”  I know I said that would be the song to choose, but now I have misgivings.  The choreo to “Fake Love” is smooth, graceful, and dramatic.  Ta-Ki’s skills are hip-hop locking moves.  This is not a good match.  His team is also worried about the high notes in the song.

We don’t get to see which teammates K and Jungwon choose.  Instead, we cut to the next day.  Ta-Ki and his Fake Love Team are practicing with Son Sung Deuk.  They show him the choreo they’ve learned so far.  He stops them halfway through.  They’re going too fast.  They’re not on the beat.  It’s just like I feared.  They’re used to hip-hop style dancing, and this song demands something else entirely.

Son Sung Deuk scolds Ta-Ki for not being a better leader.  Later, when the group practices on their own and tries adding the vocals, they can’t.  The notes are too high. 

Three days later, we see their midpoint evaluation.  It’s still not good.  Son Sung Deuk tells them they don’t deserve the badges that three of them are wearing.  After he leaves, Ta-Ki breaks down in tears.  The pressure is getting to him.

Heeseung and Sunghoon are preparing for the worst.  Heeseung asks if Sunghoon can go back to figure skating if he’s eliminated, and Sunghoon doesn’t think so.  This whole team has a cloud of despair hanging over them.

Now we move ahead to D-Day.  They take the stage, and the episode ends.

I’m exhausted.  This has been the most eventful episode yet, and it looks like next week, Ta-Ki’s team will be honoring BTS by butchering one of their most famous songs.  At least that would take Sunoo down a peg or two, which should make K happy.

See you next episode.

Episode 8:  Heartbreak

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