TAN Update – Wild Idol for real

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(Written April 29, 2024)

I was working on a wrap-up to the Wild Idol recaps, and then things started happening very quickly.   A family emergency came up, and I had to pack up and leave Friday afternoon.  Saturday night, when I finally got a chance to check my messages, TAN had dropped a cryptic video entitled “[Special Video] TAN – 5:45.”

On its face, it’s a sad ballad about a breakup, but the lyrics focus on not wanting to be forgotten.  Some of the English-translated lyrics are:

People say nothing lasts forever …
I know you’re going to get hurt, but if you are like me,
Please don’t let me go, don’t let me go.
Don’t let the memories of our love become hard wounds.
Please don’t forget me, please don’t leave me.
Our story, which was like a novel, will continue
So that you and I can become “us.”
Don’t let me go …
Tell me you’re not leaving, don’t ever let go of me in your deep heart.

It’s a different kind of breakup song.  It’s putting the request on the other person, asking them not to forget, and there’s an expectation that they will be together again.

At the end of the video, six of the group members gather for a photo.  They wait for Jooan, who has been setting up the camera.  He comes into the frame as he joins them.  

The group then takes photos in subgroups.  There’s one with Changsun, Sunghyuk, and Jiseong.  Then Taehoon, Hyunyeop, and Jaejun.  Then Jooan, by himself.  He’s the only one who isn’t playful and smiling in his picture.

The comments under the video on YouTube are very anxious, asking if the band is breaking up.  I found a website that lists when the different K-pop bands need to report for their military service, and TAN’s year is 2024.  The group members are different ages, and I don’t know how the deadlines for reporting are set up, but I do know that the minimum age is eighteen.  Jiseong is nineteen, so he still has time.  But Jooan and Changsun are the two oldest, at 27 and 28, respectively, so they should be about to go.  My guess is that Jooan is going first.  That explains why he’s separated from the rest of the group. 

I know this is normal for K-pop bands. The Boyz will also have to start enlisting this year.  All of BTS and a few members of Monsta X are currently serving.  It just feels like a screeching of the brakes.  K-pop is joy and dancing and energy and sparkle, and then suddenly members of the groups have to put the music on hold and serve their country for eighteen months because they’re from a country that’s still in a military standoff with North Korea.  It’s a standoff that gets more and more scary by the year, as dictator Kim Jong Un started off 2024 by declaring that North Korea will not try to make peace and will actually launch more spy satellites. 

I became fan of TAN’s music less than a year ago.  I went from not wanting to know a single thing about TAN to recapping their origin story.  And right as I finish that project, suddenly they have to go into the REAL wild, where the stakes are a lot higher.  And when all of the band members finish their service and come back together, who knows how many fans will still be there for them?  They’re not huge like BTS, whose fans have marked their calendars with the groups enlistment dates and breathlessly await the 2025 reunion tour.

Jooan and Changsun will be on the doorstep of thirty years old when they finish their service.  I remember the impact of hitting thirty, and I’m a normie from North Carolina.  I imagine it’s going to hit those two a bit harder.  It will be an interesting story to follow.

Life has gotten very real for me and my family this year.  K-pop has been my refuge for the past several months.  An escape from the worries and stresses of everyday life.  It makes me happy.  The real world does break in sometimes, with K-pop artist scandals and crimes and label lawsuits, as well as trainee diets, overworking, and bullying.  I’ve been able to ignore it as much as possible and just enjoy the frosting.  But sometimes the frosting gets scraped away, and this is one of those times.

I know TAN will be okay.  I just spent several days watching them do shuttle races in water, roll logs lengthwise, arm wrestle for packages of raw beef, do push-ups on boulders, and dance for hours in the pouring rain, all while being yelled at by Julien Kang and the Bickering Brothers.  They’re going to make it through this. 

Like the new song says, their story has become an actual novel for me.  Part of which I wrote myself.  I look forward to continuing the story when they get back.

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Wild Idol, Episode 13 (finale): This could have been an email.

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(Written April 22, 2024)

Our final episode begins with a flashback to the very beginning, showing all the highlights that brought us here.  For once, I’m not skipping through it.  I’m a little sentimental myself right now.

I decided to do this No Mercy and Wild Idol recap project exactly six weeks ago today.  I’ve produced about 170 pages, including screenshots, and learned a lot about Korean television and what K-pop trainees put themselves through.  I’ve spent a lot of time on Reddit and searching on Google, trying to get background information, and I’ve gone hoarse yelling at my screen.  After this, I’m going to take a break and spend some time outside.  I hear it’s nice out there.

Let’s get to it.  In the last episode, we were told that our trainees had been filming for five months.  Here in the flashback, we’re told it’s been 240 days, which comes out to eight months.  Did the last episode take three months?  No wonder so many of the idols burst into tears on camera.  This process must be exhausting, especially when all concept of time vanishes.

Back to the present.  We see the faces of our final fourteen.  Then we go to this big round stage that looks like something out of Star Trek.  Our idols are performing the “Born to Be Wild” song.  Baby H is blonde now.  Hyunyeop has blue hair.  I have no idea what look Surfer Dude was going for, but it’s pinkish blonde and wavy.  At any rate, it’s a good performance.  I never want to hear this song again.

Three of our panelists are here in formal wear.  They tell us this show is being broadcast live and how much the idols have improved since the show began.  They tell us the rules again:  seven will debut, based on 70% accumulated points and 30% audience votes.  The fans have been voting online and by text messages.  Each text counts as seven votes.  Ah, math.  I will not miss you.

Now our finalists take the stage.  We can hear faint sounds of applause, but there are very few people in the audience, all spread apart because of COVID.  Each contestant gets a chance to introduce himself and appeal to the fans for votes.  Changsun introduces himself as a born-to-be leader.  I’m telling you, check back with him in about ten years, when he’s running his own label.

The Cadet introduces himself as the one who’s been struggling under pressure.  He’s got a smile on his face, but I know how this will end for him.  I remember how emotionally stressful the final episode of No Mercy was.  This is going to hurt.

The Brat introduces himself as the cranky man of Wild Idol.  You know, I’ll miss that little twerp.

All our coaches are here, and I can make out some audience members, all masked up and socially distanced.  Ten of the coaches will be evaluating all the performances tonight.  Hopefully, Sung Kyu has been sedated.  Each coach has 20 points to award to their favorite idol, for a total of 200 points.   

We get a flashback to the different stages our idols have performed on during the show.  The Tower stages in the wild.  That episode of Show! Music Core.  The Purple Rain stage.  And now, this new space age looking stage. 

We start with Team Answer performing their song on the new stage.  Okay, so this is set up like an awards show, with lots of musical numbers.  The No Thanks team performs their song next.  The show is basically giving these idols as much screen time as possible so they can appeal to the voters.  I still like the “No Thanks” song.  

We go back to the ten coaches, and dammit, who gave Sung Kyu a microphone?  We do get to see Jun K from 2pm again, which is nice.  I like Tiger JK’s red suit.  The coaches give the same speech about how much the trainees have really, really improved.  Back when this aired live, if you weren’t a breathless fan texting in your votes, this must have dragged a bit. 

I’ll cut the show some slack about one thing.  They were not able to have a full audience of fans, which would have made this a lot more fun.  One of the things I liked about the No Mercy finale was seeing all the fans cheering and screaming, as well as all the signs they’d made or pulled up on their phones.  We got to see and hear them vote and talk about their favorites.  They brought the kind of energy that is really missing here. 

The socially distanced people in the audience are family members of the contestants, which is sweet.  I’m glad they could be there for their trainees and clap for them.  Some of them do cheer, but it’s hard to hear them from behind the COVID masks. 

We get more flashbacks from the show before coming back to the finale stage.  Now the idols are performing a song called “Diving to the Top.”  The arena is eerily quiet while our idols wait in their starting formation.  When they begin, I immediately remember that this is the choreography that The Cadet tried to change and ended with The Spark’s elimination.  I’m sure The Cadet is thrilled about doing this song again.  The air is filled with bubbles for this performance, which adds a whimsical touch.  That might lift his spirits. 

Those have to be soap bubbles.  Can you imagine performing, and one of those bubbles pops right in your eye?  Just one of the many random thoughts that wandered through my brain while I waited for this performance to end.  It wasn’t a bad performance.  It’s just not what I came here for.  I hate to keep comparing this to No Mercy,  but those trainees had to come up with all new performances for the finale.  

Another random thought:  the camera really loves Jooan.  I wonder if there was any doubt that he was going to win this.  Also, when those bubbles hit that stage and pop, won’t the dance surface get slippery? 

Back to our hosts, who talk about how the idols’ performances have really gone downhill since the show started.  Just kidding, they’ve improved.  Lia Kim, who absolutely slays in her leather jacket, talks about how they’ve improved.  Yerin, one of the expression coaches, talks about how they’ve improved.  Everyone nods in agreement about how much they’ve improved.  I’m pretty sure if I were one of the parents in the audience, even I would have fallen asleep by now.  My kid would never speak to me again.

“It’s getting warmed up in here!” one of the hosts blatantly lies to us.  We’re told that each text to submit a vote will cost ten cents.  This is the first I’m hearing about it.  I wonder how many South Korean teenagers froze mid-text and went into math mode and then panic mode. 

Suddenly, the show does warm up.  We’re about to see the rap, dance, and vocal performances from last episode.  I’m more than happy to see these again.

I will never ever get tired of that SHINee song. 

The coaches talk about how much the teams have improved and their confidence has improved and everything has improved. 

We’re getting another performance to a new song written by Kim Jong Wan, our coach from the alt rock band Nell.  He says he wrote a song about how the idols must be feeling right now.  It’s called “Can We Please Find Out Who Won Already?”  Wait, no.  It’s called “Last Chance.”

We cut to film footage of the idols in a recording studio with Kim Jong Wan, working on the song.  We also get choreo from Choi Young Yun.  Now time to see the performance on the finale stage.  

It really is impressive.  The pyrotechnics, combined with the high-energy dancing and aggressive vocals, make this a full-on explosion of a performance.  And it’s a really good song.  Nice job, Mr. Kim.

Back to the coaches.  You already know what they’re going to say.  After they say the word “improved” about 100 more times, it’s time for them to vote for their favorites.  They write the names down.  We never find out who they voted for. 

Then the hosts do a countdown, and then all voting is closed, including from the fans.  We’re halfway through the show, and I’m hoping that now we’re about to pick up the pace.

No such luck, but we do take an interesting detour.  We cut to interviews with the trainees talking about their experiences making the show.  They couldn’t believe how much it rained.  They feel like they can overcome anything now.  Everyone was obsessed with the points.  They all bonded, even though they were all competing.  We have to watch all the Team A drama again, but then we get to see that cool moment when Aquaman jumped out of his team’s boat to free it from the rocks. 

We see clips of the contestants’ auditions for the show, which I also found interesting.  I didn’t realize they all had to audition, not just the independent trainees.  Jooan brings his guitar into his audition, but we don’t get to hear him play it.  All the trainees talk about their dreams of debuting.  I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like for the seven who have to go home after this.

Now we get another stage performance.  I thought we were done with these.  The song is “If You Can Hear Me.”  It’s a wispy nothing of a ballad, but they all look and sound good singing it.  And boy does the camera really REALLY love Jooan.  It also has a thing on the side with The Cadet.  I wish The Cadet could have won as well.  I wish there had been eight spots in TAN.

I think it’s dawning on the trainees that all this is about to end, because some of them start crying onstage during the song.  They have been through a lot.  They start hugging each other.  I love that Jooan crosses the stage and hugs The Cadet. 

Random Thought #4,812:  Why does the Tower look like it has a toothbrush on either side of it?

The trainees line up across the stage.  Now, maybe, we can finally find out the winners.  The hosts ask the trainees questions about what this whole experience has been like, which they’ve already talked about in the interview clips.  I’m sure they’re all tired of talking about it.  Please award some points or something.  This show only should have been an hour long instead of two.  We still have forty minutes to go, and we are just killing time.  Any minute now, the coaches will start talking again about how much the performances have improved.

One of the hosts asked The Cadet if he thinks he’ll be in the final seven, and I want to smack her upside the head with her own microphone.  The Cadet breaks down in tears, saying he’ll be sad if he’s not able to continue.  The contestants are just as stressed out as the rest of us.  I don’t think I can take any more of these K-pop band reality shows.  My heart breaks every time. 

I can’t believe I was right about this – the hosts ask the coaches again what they thought of the performances tonight.  You won’t believe it – the coaches liked the final performances and thought all the idols have improved so much.  Did this show really have nothing else planned for this finale?  Did other celebrities cancel at the last minute?  We couldn’t get someone to juggle bowling pins or bring in their pets to do tricks?  Go check with the audience and see if any of them can do a makeup tutorial or something.  ANYTHING.  Again, this should not have been a two-hour live broadcast.  I actually think now that we could have done all this in thirty minutes, including the performances.  

Even Taehoon, always the defiant, determined one, is about to break down.  For the love of everything that is sacred and holy, please move this along. 

Okay, now something is happening!  The name of the group is about to be revealed.  I need to see the reactions on the trainees’ faces.  The hosts look at their notecards and announce the name, pronouncing it “tan” like the color.  The camera is too far away for us to see the finalists’ reactions.  Even if we were close enough, they’ve all turned their back to the cameras to see the big screen with the name and logo on it. 

Speaking of the name and logo, I get why BTS fans were upset. 

Now, thank God, we are going to get the names of the winners.  In order of name reveal, they are:

Hyunyeop.   Again, the cameras are too far away to get his reaction, and when they finally zoom in, he’s surrounded by all the other idols congratulating him, and I can’t see his face.  We finally do get to see him as he’s pulling himself together.  The hosts make him give a thank you speech before letting him ascend the winners’ podium.  Now we’re filling up time by making each winner give a speech?  And making the other contestants wait even longer while he gives that speech?  Again, this whole show could have been done in THIRTY MINUTES.

Jaejun.  I managed to get a screenshot of him before he’s swallowed up by the others congratulating him.  Not only does this show not know where to put the cameras, they cover the screen with so much text.  The text thing been a problem since episode one and drives me nuts when I’m getting screenshots.  I do love how cocky Jaejun is.  When the hosts ask if he was expecting to win, he says, “yes, I was.”  He’s only half-joking.

Sunghyuk.  Our drama queen.  It occurs to me that this finale is way more positive in tone than the No Mercy finale.  Here, they didn’t dismiss the few audience members who are there, and the other contestants are hugging and congratulating the winners.  It feels more like a celebration. 

Jiseong.  Our high school student.  He’s the first one to refer to the name TAN in his thank-you speech, like he’s getting used to the sound of it.  He walks to the winners’ podium like he’s still testing out the name in his head.

The hosts stop here and try to chat with the rest of the idols who are still waiting to hear what their future will bring.  The remaining contestants are all so stressed out I can practically hear them grinding their teeth, and the hosts are asking, “So, who do you think will be the other winners?  Do you think you will be one of the winners?  How are you feeling right now?  Hey, where did you get that knife?”

Seriously, dragging it out like this really is cruel.  It’s not fun.  Just get on with it. 

Now we get into something I couldn’t really follow.  Turns out they’ve been announcing the winners from sixth place to third, and now they have to announce the first and second place winners before going back and telling us who came in seventh.  We’re told that Changsun and Taehoon are the two people in the top two places, but they can’t celebrate yet, because they need to wait to find out who came in number one.  Why are they making this so confusing?  

Changsun is finally named as the first place winner, and everyone runs to hug him, forgetting that this means that Taehoon is in second place and also needs to be congratulated, but I don’t blame any of them for not being able to follow this. 

Changsun manages to choke out his thank you speech through sobs.  He thanks his grandmother, who he tells us died two weeks ago.  Oh my God.  He really wanted her to see him debut.  The hosts, in the only act of common sense and compassion they’ve shown this entire episode, allow him to go to the winners’ podium, and now Taehoon has to follow that with his thank you speech.  He says a few words and then makes it to the podium, where Changsun is still sobbing. 

Now for the final spot.  I’m not exaggerating when I report that they wait SEVEN MINUTES to announce Jooan’s name.  They ask the coaches who they think it will be.  They ask the remaining contestants who they think it will be.  They laugh and joke and do fake-outs.  Is this some form of hazing?  Are all K-pop idols required to torture potential new debuting artists like this?  I got a screenshot of Jooan’s face, which I think perfectly sums up not only his stress, but how it feels to be watching this show right now.

They finally announce Jooan’s name.  He literally almost collapses.  Everyone surrounds him, not just to hug him but to keep him upright.  The other TAN members jump off the podium and run to him.  The showrunners must have made them march their K-pop butts back to the podium, because suddenly it’s just Jooan with a microphone, surrounded by all the ones who didn’t make it.

He expresses his condolences to all of them.  He’s crying when he says, “Mom, I’ll keep at it a little longer.”  I would love to know the story behind that.  He gives up trying to talk after that and just keeps crying.

Needing to stretch for more time, the hosts want him to keep talking.  You’ve got to be kidding me.  This is beyond cruel at this point.  Jooan manages to thank everyone again.  He tells his father, who’s in the audience, that he loves him.  Finally, sensing that Jooan may just die right there on camera, the hosts let him go to the winners’ podium.  As soon as he makes it up there, a big confetti cannon goes off right behind the podium, scaring the winners so badly, they almost fall off.  

The hosts announce that TAN will debut in 2022, and then the show finally, mercifully ends.

Even with a full audience, this would have been exhausting.  All I have the energy to say now is that TAN deserved a much better finale than this. 

They also deserved a much better career than the one they wound up getting.  But more on that in the next essay.

 

TAN Update:  Wild Idol for real

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Wild Idol, Episode 12: no time for a title LET’S START THE SHOW.

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(Written on April 21, 2024)

The show clearly knows we’re chomping at the bit, so we’re getting right to the Stage Battle.  Let’s do this!

Our idols line up on the stage, all looking fabulous.  They are about to meet the judges.  They are:

Giriboy.  The rapper from our No Mercy recaps!  Welcome back, my guy!  He’s the only newcomer to this show on the judging panel.  The rest are familiar faces, such as:

Lil Boi.  One of our rapping coaches.

Sung Kyu.  Hoo boy.  You may remember him as one of the vocal coaches, but he’s also one of the panelists who never knows when to stop talking, even when it involves breaking a show rule and telling everyone the age of one of the contestants.  You know, the rule set in the beginning so the trainees would all start on a level playing field and not have to be intimidated by Korean social norms about showing deference to people older than you?  Yeah, that guy.  You have no IDEA how long I can hold a grudge.

Kim Jong Wan.  Another vocal coach who is usually paired with Sung Kyu.  All this time, I’ve been focused on the trainees and just assumed Jong Wan was a pop artist, but I just looked him up, and he’s in an alternative rock band called Nell.  He’s the lead vocalist, keyboardist, and guitarist.  According to Wikipedia, they’re known for their gloomy and psychedelic sound.  I watched a couple of their YouTube videos, and they’re really good.  I did not know that the soft-spoken, bespectacled vocal coach was actually kind of a badass.

Rounding out the judges’ table is our pink-haired dance battle coach Hyoyeon, and finally, choreographer Choi Yung Jun, who choreographed Team Answer’s song.  

The judges are excited.  I’m excited.  Let’s go!

The rap team is going first.  They are Jiseong, Gun Wook, Surfer Dude, and Aquaman.  They will do one song with individual performances and then come together as a group for the next song.  They will be rapping about numbers as a throwback to when they started this show and had only number badges instead of names.  They’re ready to get started. 

Unfortunately, they can’t get started.  One of the judges, and of course it’s Sung Kyu, wants to chat first.  He asks them why they chose to rap in this competition.  Because swing dance wasn’t an option, numbnuts.  LET’S START THE SHOW ALREADY.

Sung Kyu wants to keep talking.  He asks which of the idols standing before him are rivals, who they think will win the best rapper points in this performance, and I really wish Korean culture weren’t so polite so our trainees could tell him to put a sock in it and let them get started.

The judges then talk to each other about what it’s been like coaching these rappers, how much they’ve improved, and why an American redhead from the future has just burst into the studio with a loaded gun and demanded that they get this show on the road already.

We then flash back to a few days ago, when the coaches were checking up on our rappers, and I’m just going to lean on the skip button for the entire six and a half minutes of this.  We are now thirteen minutes into this episode and haven’t seen a single performance. 

FINALLY we are back to the Purple Rain Stage.  Time for the rap battle to begin!  Right after Sung Kyu asks the rap coaches what they will be looking for in this performance.  Personally, my criteria would require the performance to ACTUALLY BEGIN AT SOME POINT.  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Another minute later, almost fifteen minutes into this episode, we’re ready to begin.  Gun Wook starts us off with confidence and a bit of swagger.  The lyrics don’t get translated, but it doesn’t matter.  He goes rapid-fire on us without missing a syllable, and I love it.

Jiseong is next with aggressive, in-your-face rapping.  He struts across the stage, which is now showing a graffiti’d alleyway.  Love it.  Defiant.  Determined to break the rules.  Telling authority where to stuff it.

Change of vibe.  Surfer Dude appears in a jacket and fedora.  He tosses the hat offstage and gazes directly into the camera.  His voice is low and seductive, and his first words are in English.   “I can’t love you cuz I’m a workaholic.”  The words trigger every “I can fix him” impulse in womenkind.  Then the beat picks up, and he switches to Korean, but I still understand.  He’s the un-gettable guy, and all women want is to get him.

Last up is Aquaman.  Police sirens wail from the soundtrack as he runs onto the stage like he’s fleeing a crime scene.  This is gangsta rap, and the dangerous growl in his voice backs him up.  He stares into the camera, daring you to come at him.

The other rappers join him, and it’s time for the group performance.  They move like a street gang.  Their choreo is so high energy.  A choreographed fight breaks out between Surfer Dude and Jiseong at one point, never losing the flow.  It’s like they’re preparing for battle with another crew but will still turn on each other in a second if provoked.  Honestly, I’d debut these four rappers together as a group and be done with it.

The judges love it.  They’ve seen a huge improvement since these idols started the show.  And now they have to choose a winner from this group and award 100 points.  Even I can do the math on this.  Jiseong is the only TAN member in this group, and his ranking is currently outside the top seven.  He really needs to get these points. 

And yes, Jiseong takes it.  He looks so relieved.  The judges talk about how great his performance was and how they liked the changes he’d made over the past week and I don’t care, let’s get to the next show.  The judges continue analyzing the performance for a few more minutes, and the whole episode is going to be like this, isn’t it?

Next up, the dance team!  We have Changsun, Taehoon, The Brat, Sunghyuk, and Jaejun.  I’m looking at the rankings again.  The only non-TAN guy in the top seven is Baby H, and Jiseong may just have gotten enough points to kick him out and make the top seven all TAN guys.  The Brat is in 12^th place.  He’s the only one who could win this without knocking any TAN guys out of the top seven.  

More chatter among the judges.  Another flashback to the previous week of practice.  I skip through it.  Now we can start.  They are dancing to “Fools” by Troye Sivan and “Believer” by Imagine Dragons.  This team isn’t only performing the choreography, they wrote it themselves.

The first song is a slow, yearning ballad.  The choreo involves reaching out and pulling inward.  The dancers do a lift during a verse about swimming.  Every graceful move reflects want and need.  They end this part by gathering in a circle and dropping their white scarves.  It feels like an act of surrender.

Then we move to “Believer.”  They put on black jackets, and the tempo picks up.  This is now a confident, sexy vibe.  It’s tribal.  Backstage, the other idols are mesmerized.

Yeah, there’s no way The Brat is going to win this.  Jaejun and Taehoon own this performance.  They’re going to jostle each other in the top seven.

The judges give their feedback.  Some of them single out Jaejun for praise, finding his stage presence cool and confident.  The others compliment Changsun, saying they liked his laid-back style.  They all get praise, but it looks like it’s going to be between Jaejun and and Changsun, not Taehoon.  That’s a surprise.

The judges debate and choose Changsun.  I did not see that coming.  I’m happy for him.  He just wasn’t the one who had my attention.  Jaejun is clearly disappointed.      I get it.  I don’t understand that vote, either.

Another few minutes of jabber as the judges talk about Changsun’s stage presence and dance technique and please let’s just move on to the vocalists.  I want to hear their arrangement of that SHINee song. 

Our vocalists take the stage.  They are Baby H, Jooan, Hyunyeop, the Cadet, and Ki Joong.  Out of all three groups, they have the best costumes.  I love the combination of leather, chains, and plaid fabric.  Very British.  Shout out to the wardrobe department.  

The judges tell them their song choice is a difficult one.  The idols are unfazed.  They say they wanted to try something different.  More jabber from the judges, more time wasted in a flashback, skip skip skip.  On with the show!

We begin with a soulful piano intro.  The opening lines are sung in stunningly beautiful harmony.  Then they trade lines, including Hyunyeop in his gorgeous falsetto.  Then they kick it into the dance pop tempo.  I love this arrangement so much.  I love the British landmarks on the LED screens behind them.  I love the boundless energy of the performance.  They move like rock stars and are caught up in the joy of singing this amazing song.  

Of all the stage performances I’ve seen on No Mercy and Wild Idol combined, this is my absolute favorite.  By a mile.  The judges are bopping in their seats.  When the song ends on a triumphant high note, the judges clap and cheer.  I rewind and watch it a couple more times.  It’s even got a gospel vibe behind it, which is what’s getting me so emotional each time I watch it.  I now have both the original version and this one on my K-pop playlist. 

The judges have a tough job ahead of them.  While all the trainees get praise, it comes down to Jooan and The Cadet.  I’m just blissfully happy and don’t care who they choose, because TAN will come out TAN, and I will be watching this performance on YouTube repeatedly for the rest of my life.

The judges deliberate, and it takes them a really long time.  They are clearly struggling to choose between Jooan and The Cadet, and suddenly, is it weird that now I want The Cadet to win this?  Jooan will be part of TAN in the end.  I want The Cadet to get this win before being eliminated.  

The judges announce the winner, and it’s … THE CADET!  I am so happy.  I thought it would be Jooan, and I know he’s disappointed now, but he’s going to be fine.  If The Cadet is going to wind up leaving the industry, I want him to remember this performance and this win for the rest of his life.  I love seeing him smile in the confessional.  He absolutely deserves this. 

To his enormous credit, Jooan says in his confessional that this performance of “Sherlock” would not have been possible without The Cadet.  

Now all the idols gather onstage in front of the judges, who congratulate them on their hard work.  Then they gather in front of the Tower.  The Last Chance mission has come to an end.  

The Tower shows them the current rankings and then factors in the new winners.  Jiseong moves from Number Eight to Number Four.  The Cadet, previously Number Eleven, moves to Number Eight.  So close.  Changsun, previously Number Seven, moves to Number Two.  Taehoon has managed to hold on to the Number One spot, although now by only thirty points.

Now we look to the last episode.  The Tower tells them that the final seven will be decided by 70% accumulated mission scores and 30% viewer voting results.  The results will be announced during the final live performance.  So this show is going to leave seven contestants behind in the final show.

We cut to a few days later, when the idols visit the studio again.  We find out that they have been filming this show for five months.  Now, each one will sit in front of the others, one at a time, and talk about their experiences while getting roasted by the others.  Basically, this show is running down the clock again.

We get some basic stuff.  Everyone trash talks Taehoon, the one in first place.  We learn that Changsun has always been seen as the leader for all the idols since day one.  They call Sunghyuk a fossil.  (He was 22 when this was filmed.)

They tease Jooan for being short.  I looked it up – he’s 5’8”.  The average height for men in South Korea is 5’9”.  So, um … burn, I guess? 

But then someone brings up Jooan’s time on Team A, and now I’m ready to fight.  They mock his gesture of ripping off his name tag when he left his own team, and now I will absolutely cut a bitch.  And I’m bringing John Wick with me. 

In other news, The Cadet has dyed his hair red now.  Everyone jokes about the day he had to beg on his knees to be let out of Team A.  Yeah, that was a barrel of laughs, all right.  Especially for Hyung Seok, who has probably already blocked all three of his former teammates on social media.

More flashbacks.  I think we’re done here.  I’m going to watch the “Sherlock” performance several hundred more times.  See you next time for the final episode, when we see TAN emerge and see their reaction to their band name.  I’m so curious, yeah.

Episode 13 (finale):  This could have been an email.

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Wild Idol, Episode 11: Baby, I’m a Star.

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(Written on April 20, 2024)

No animal stories today.  We go right to the Tower and D-Day for the Stage Battle.  I’m very excited to see our idols on the big outdoor stages and very curious about how they’re getting an audience to see them.

We see the Tower stages.  The “Answer” one is blue and sleek, with huge LED panels and a clear, reflective floor.  The “No Thanks” stage is red and looks like an auto repair shop exploded. 

Our idols hit the stages to get a feel for them, and the weather is still really bad.  The high winds are even shaking the cameras a little.  Team No Thanks gets some rehearsal time while the winds whip at their hair and clothes.  It’s a bad sign that Team Answer is watching them rehearse and looking worried.  Sunghyuk’s dramatics over being pushed to this team are way more understandable now.

After the rehearsal, I’m pretty sure I hear thunder, and it’s definitely raining again.  The stage floors are wet.  Was South Korea having a nonstop monsoon?  I looked up the weather in the Sobaek Mountain Range for early 2021, when filming would have been done.  Those mountains got twelve inches of rain in mid-April.  They really should have filmed this in someone’s backyard. 

Now Team Answer rehearses, and it looks like all those hours of rehearsal paid off.  They’re actually good.  This is going to be a real competition.  Now it’s the No Thanks Team’s turn to look concerned. 

We’re two hours before the online broadcast, and I just now remember that COVID was still happening while this was being filmed, so that’s why they keep doing live broadcasts instead of having live audiences.  COVID seems like a bad dream now, and if it weren’t for the masks I still keep and the toilet paper I still hoard just in case it happens again, I’d have forgotten about it.  For Pete’s sake, it’s the whole reason I work from home now.  We Americans have very short memories.

A team of stylists have descended on our idols.  When they get back onstage, they look like … well, TAN.  I’m seeing TAN up there.  Even the junkyard stage is starting to grow on me. 

By showtime, it’s pitch dark and raining HARD.  Team Answer is actually happy about the rain.  They are wearing white shirts with black leather straps underneath, so when those shirts get soaked, they’re going to be one smoking hot group of pneumonia victims. 

The Tower announces that the Stage Battle will begin, and we see the faces of the audience on the Tower’s LED screen, just like in the previous live broadcast.  

Team Answer will go first.  The stage and the team both look amazing.  They may be fending off wind and rain, but they’re going to make sure to introduce themselves to the cameras so the audience will remember their names for the individual voting.  Then they take their places while the other team watches anxiously from backstage.  The music starts.

The rain is definitely working to their advantage.  They look wild and adventurous.  The song is a piece of fluff that I forget right after hearing it, but the performance is electric.  They should be doing a harder rock song. 

I feel sad about the ones who aren’t going to make it to the final group, because boy do they deserve to.  Especially The Cadet and Baby H.  They absolutely belong onstage.  They are already stars.  When they hold their final pose, the wind and rain whipping around them makes them look like gods.  The online audience is clapping and waving enthusiastically.  

The Tower reminds the audience about voting for their favorite member of Team Answer.  They write down the names and hold them up to the cameras.

Next up, Team No Thanks.  If Team Answer looks like gods, these guys look like demons.  Dangerous and sexy.  The wild weather takes on a whole new context, like they are the ones bringing the storm.  They introduce themselves and do a better job flirting with the camera than the other team, especially Jaejun.  Teenage me would definitely have voted for this team, and they haven’t even started yet.  The online audience looks more excited to see them.

The music starts, and our bad boys are ready to go.  I like that they get a song with a harder beat.  They are perfectly in sync with higher energy than Team Answer.  They’re fueled by a better song with a great hook.  

Backstage, Team Answer is very nervous.  The Tower tells the audience to hold up their votes for their favorite member of Team No Thanks.  Immediately afterward, it’s time for the audience to vote for their favorite overall team.  I have my personal preference, and I know one team is mostly TAN, but I could see the vote going either way. 

The idols, still dressed in their stage outfits, gather in front of the Tower for the results.

The winning team, and the one that will perform on MBC’s Show! Music Core was decided by a close vote of 59-41.  And it’s Team Answer.

They seem as surprised as I am.  I’m happy for them, especially with indie Hyunyeop and Drama Queen Sunghyuk on their team.  And Surfer Dude, The Cadet, and Ki Joong finally, FINALLY get a win.  It’s weird – I liked the other team better, but I’m still glad Team Answer won.  Ki Joong bursts into tears again, and this time, I love to see it.  The lowest ranked underdogs will get to perform on their dream stage.  The Cadet is crying, too.

Team No Thanks looks stunned.  They really expected to win.  Eventually, they shake it off and put their hands in to do a team cheer. 

The Tower reminds Team Answer that each member of their group will get fifty points.  I’m so glad they won’t be stealing the points from the other team.  And now, it’s time to find out the results of the individual votes.

For Team Answer, it’s … Hyunyeop!  Man, he needed this.  For Team No Thanks, it’s Jooan.  I figured it would be either Jooan or Jaejun.  Jooan shows no joy whatsoever.  He’s taking the team loss hard.  

The individual winners get more points as well, but the Tower doesn’t remind us how many.  Now it’s time to see the new rankings.  I predict there will be a lot of changes, but Taehoon will still be in the top spot, since he was over a hundred points ahead of the second-ranked idol.

Here are the rankings, with the TAN members highlighted:

Taehoon is only about fifty points ahead of Jaejun now.  Sunghyuk actually yells “Thank you!” to Taehoon when his new ranking is announced.  Changsun, as the No Thanks Team Leader, feels like he failed his team, but they refuse to hear it.  There’s already a strong bond growing between these future bandmates.

Change of scene.  We now see the Tower in a different place, with different lighting.  They’ve moved it again.  The drums start beating, and our idols run to the new location.  It looks like it’s indoors.  They’re in a studio.  Wait, they’ve been outside, pummeled by rain and wind for the past several days, and they could have been in a studio?  

The Tower looks shorter, like they had to shave about twenty feet off the top to fit it inside.  “Only the strong will survive,” the shortened Tower tells them, which sounds weird in this non-wilderness environment.  Are they still doing the “fight to survive” thing?  Are the idols standing on a kill floor?

We are told that they will no longer be in the wild, to which I say THANK GOD.  The final seven winners will be decided through the final live broadcast.  Now comes something called the Last Chance.  We still have two and a half episodes to fill.  Are we about to eliminate someone?

The Last Chance Mission will include a modeling challenge and a stage battle.  First, they will be posing for pictures for the modeling mission.  One trainee’s photos will be chosen as the best, and that trainee will be awarded fifty points.  Now that fifty points can mean a new first-ranked idol, Taehoon is really looking nervous.

We cut to a week later.  I guess the show gave the idols a week off to wring out all their rain-soaked clothes.  Our idols return to the studio and are greeted by show staff.  The boys meet Editor-in-Chief Jung Hye Wook of Men’s Health.  She tells us specifically she’s from Men’s Health, but when she holds up a sign with the magazine’s logo on it, the show blurs it out.  Korean broadcasting laws are complicated.

When Jaejun is doing a confessional and they show the cover of the magazine behind him, they only kinda sorta blur out the name.  They barely blur about half of it, like the show couldn’t tell if it was illegal or not, so they hedged their bets.  More on this in a minute.

Our muscular idols, like Taehoon and Jaejun, are excited about this shoot.  The ones without six-pack abs are a little nervous.  The editor says she wants to take them out of the wild and transform them into handsome city men.  Only one of them will get to be on the cover.  My money is on Jaejun.  He’s got that Men’s Health look.

Wait, I forgot about Baby H, and he tells us he won a modeling contest before Wild Idol.  He’s already a professional model.  I’m glad to hear that, because he’ll need something to fall back on when he doesn’t make it into TAN.  And Aquaman tells us he’s a professional model as well.  My money isn’t so much on Jaejun anymore.  

Now we get what is clearly an advertisement for our good friends at Masitdak Snacks.  The idols pick out their favorite flavors from a basket provided right there in the studio and talk about how much they enjoy them.  Boy, is it out of place and awkward.  They’re trying to make it seem like casual conversation, but I just know there’s a production assistant right behind the camera, frantically gesturing at them to hold the labels up to the lens.  The show tells us that now that our idols have charged up their bodies with protein, it’s time for them to go into hair and makeup.  O…kay.  That was weird, but sure.

We see the Men’s Health logo on a card in the makeup room, and okay seriously, what’s up with this?  Only the word “health” is blurred out.  Does the English word “health” mean something obscene in Korean?  Did the magazine only buy half a sponsorship?

So yes, I paused the show and found some answers on Reddit.  South Korea has broadcast regulations banning indirect advertising, or embedded marketing.  In this case, the word “men’s” is pretty common, but put it next to the word “health,” and you have indirect advertising.  Even though they say the name of the magazine many times in this episode and show the cover of the actual magazine, they still have to blur out part of the name. 

Quick tangent:  This happens all the time in K-pop artist interviews when an idol is wearing a logo on their clothing.  What’s really funny is that they usually don’t blur it out very well.  In some cases, when the idol moves a couple of feet to the side, the blur doesn’t move with him, so we can clearly see the logo until he moves back to his previous position.  

So back to the Men’s Health Magazine shoot.  Our boys are getting makeovers.  One of the hairstylists asks Taehoon if they really didn’t have any hair or makeup styling while they were filming in the mountains.  Taehoon says he didn’t even get to wash his hair for the first modeling challenge and that he styled his hair with oil from his face.  If you’ll excuse me, I have to throw up now.

Sorry about that.  And I’m sorry, Taehoon, but you guys looked very well put together out in the wild.  I believe you looked naturally that way just like I believe you love nothing better than Garlic Chicken Masitdak Snacks first thing in the morning.

Now for the photo shoots. Of course, they all look stunning.

Afterwards, when the Men’s Health staff has left the building, our idols gather at the Tower to find out the winner.  It’s Baby H, for fifty points and the magazine cover.  He moves up to Number Four in the rankings, pushing everyone below down a spot. 

The Tower tells them that before the live show, there is one more chance to come up in the rankings and be a candidate for the final seven.  The idols must choose a category to compete in, either vocal, dance, or rap.  Each team has to pull off a perfect performance.  A panel of judges will evaluate them.  The best idols will win one hundred points each.  Our idols choose their categories.

The teams huddle.  We join our rappers first.  They debate whether their theme should be “number” or “anti-hero,” and even with subtitles, I don’t understand this conversation. 

Thankfully, we move on to the dancers.  The Brat is in this group.  Why isn’t he with the rappers?  Maybe he feels he has a better chance of winning here.  He’s the only non-TAN member of this group, so he’s probably screwed.  The group agrees to wear suits and choose a song that starts with dance pop and moves into hip-hop. 

Now on to the vocalists.  They try to choose a song.  One of the songs that gets considered is “Love Me Right” by EXO, a song I absolutely love.  But they pass on this and throw out more ideas.  

The Cadet is strangely quiet.  He doesn’t offer any opinions.  When Jooan encourages him to speak his mind, he puts his head down and begins to cry.  He explains that he feels he’s been selfish.  So now, rather than pushing for what he wants, he will listen to the others and let them decide.

This is a full turn from the guy whose insistence on changing the choreography led to The Spark being eliminated.  I’d actually let that go since discovering just how talented he is and knowing how I would also fight for myself if I had that kind of talent.  I really, really wish he had wound up in TAN. 

I usually save this next part for when someone gets eliminated.  But after The Cadet’s amazing performance in the last Stage Battle that led to his team winning, I tried to find current information about him.  The most I could find is that he was supposed to debut several times, but none of them panned out.  He seems to have disappeared from the K-pop industry.

This makes me sad.  He definitely had the talent.  He had the star quality.  But after going through the heartbreak of failure over and over again, maybe the best thing for his mental health was to walk away from the industry.  Maybe start his own dance studio or be a vocal coach.  I hope he’s okay, especially after seeing him break down like this.  I hope he’s living a happy life.

Now, in a confessional, he specifically mentions how he screwed up the choreography and how he fought to get out of Team A.  When we cut back to the vocal team meeting, the others are compassionate.  Over the course of the show, they’ve all been in the bottom ranks.  So they tell him it’s not selfish to speak up.  When The Cadet eventually does get eliminated, I’ll be glad he’s made peace with his fellow contestants. 

The vocal team decides to do a classic K-pop song by SHINee called “Sherlock.”  I pulled up the video on YouTube, and oh my God, that’s a great song.  It hooked me immediately.  The song is over a decade old, and I don’t know if I ever would have found it if it weren’t for this show.

We get montages of all the teams rehearsing and getting feedback from the coaches who have appeared on the show so far.  It looks like they’ve been given a week to put their performances together.  They will be doing these Last Chance performances at the MBC Studio.  The stage looks incredible.  I love the purple.  I am calling it the Purple Rain Stage.  (We miss you so much, Prince …)

Our idols arrive and are blown away by the stage.  They see the judges’ table on the other side of the studio.  I feel like we’re back at No Mercy.  As the idols walk around and get a feel for the stage, they get excited about the chance to perform here.  It’s a great venue.  I’m excited for them. 

They take a day for rehearsals, and then it’s time for hair, makeup, and wardrobe again.  Please, nobody ask Taehoon about his time in the wilderness. 

Cut to ninety minutes before showtime.  We have about ten minutes left in the episode, so I hope we get to see at least one performance.  Nope.  Instead, each group does one last round of dress rehearsal.  We only get glimpses of these rehearsals.  Mostly we see the reactions of the other idols watching them from backstage.    I love the way the lighting changes with each performance.  Shout-out to whomever designed this stage.  When the vocalists are rehearsing, I can hear that they are doing their own arrangement of “Sherlock,” and I’m so excited to hear the full song.  This is going to be a great show.

We then cut to another montage of the rehearsals we just saw, and as great as it looks, I think this episode is just running out the clock.  Turns out that’s exactly what they’re doing, because they’re closing out with studio performances of Team Answer and Team No Thanks doing their songs from the previous battle.  They all look amazing, especially The Cadet, who experienced so many setbacks before getting to the MBC dream stage. 

Well, I’m excited for the next two episodes.  If they are going to stretch the hell out of this, we’ll at least get to see some great performances.  Stay tuned.

Episode 12:  no time for a title LET’S START THE SHOW

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