Wild Idol, Episode 13 (finale): This could have been an email.

Back to Site Table of Contents

(Written April 22, 2024)

Our final episode begins with a flashback to the very beginning, showing all the highlights that brought us here.  For once, I’m not skipping through it.  I’m a little sentimental myself right now.

I decided to do this No Mercy and Wild Idol recap project exactly six weeks ago today.  I’ve produced about 170 pages, including screenshots, and learned a lot about Korean television and what K-pop trainees put themselves through.  I’ve spent a lot of time on Reddit and searching on Google, trying to get background information, and I’ve gone hoarse yelling at my screen.  After this, I’m going to take a break and spend some time outside.  I hear it’s nice out there.

Let’s get to it.  In the last episode, we were told that our trainees had been filming for five months.  Here in the flashback, we’re told it’s been 240 days, which comes out to eight months.  Did the last episode take three months?  No wonder so many of the idols burst into tears on camera.  This process must be exhausting, especially when all concept of time vanishes.

Back to the present.  We see the faces of our final fourteen.  Then we go to this big round stage that looks like something out of Star Trek.  Our idols are performing the “Born to Be Wild” song.  Baby H is blonde now.  Hyunyeop has blue hair.  I have no idea what look Surfer Dude was going for, but it’s pinkish blonde and wavy.  At any rate, it’s a good performance.  I never want to hear this song again.

Three of our panelists are here in formal wear.  They tell us this show is being broadcast live and how much the idols have improved since the show began.  They tell us the rules again:  seven will debut, based on 70% accumulated points and 30% audience votes.  The fans have been voting online and by text messages.  Each text counts as seven votes.  Ah, math.  I will not miss you.

Now our finalists take the stage.  We can hear faint sounds of applause, but there are very few people in the audience, all spread apart because of COVID.  Each contestant gets a chance to introduce himself and appeal to the fans for votes.  Changsun introduces himself as a born-to-be leader.  I’m telling you, check back with him in about ten years, when he’s running his own label.

The Cadet introduces himself as the one who’s been struggling under pressure.  He’s got a smile on his face, but I know how this will end for him.  I remember how emotionally stressful the final episode of No Mercy was.  This is going to hurt.

The Brat introduces himself as the cranky man of Wild Idol.  You know, I’ll miss that little twerp.

All our coaches are here, and I can make out some audience members, all masked up and socially distanced.  Ten of the coaches will be evaluating all the performances tonight.  Hopefully, Sung Kyu has been sedated.  Each coach has 20 points to award to their favorite idol, for a total of 200 points.   

We get a flashback to the different stages our idols have performed on during the show.  The Tower stages in the wild.  That episode of Show! Music Core.  The Purple Rain stage.  And now, this new space age looking stage. 

We start with Team Answer performing their song on the new stage.  Okay, so this is set up like an awards show, with lots of musical numbers.  The No Thanks team performs their song next.  The show is basically giving these idols as much screen time as possible so they can appeal to the voters.  I still like the “No Thanks” song.  

We go back to the ten coaches, and dammit, who gave Sung Kyu a microphone?  We do get to see Jun K from 2pm again, which is nice.  I like Tiger JK’s red suit.  The coaches give the same speech about how much the trainees have really, really improved.  Back when this aired live, if you weren’t a breathless fan texting in your votes, this must have dragged a bit. 

I’ll cut the show some slack about one thing.  They were not able to have a full audience of fans, which would have made this a lot more fun.  One of the things I liked about the No Mercy finale was seeing all the fans cheering and screaming, as well as all the signs they’d made or pulled up on their phones.  We got to see and hear them vote and talk about their favorites.  They brought the kind of energy that is really missing here. 

The socially distanced people in the audience are family members of the contestants, which is sweet.  I’m glad they could be there for their trainees and clap for them.  Some of them do cheer, but it’s hard to hear them from behind the COVID masks. 

We get more flashbacks from the show before coming back to the finale stage.  Now the idols are performing a song called “Diving to the Top.”  The arena is eerily quiet while our idols wait in their starting formation.  When they begin, I immediately remember that this is the choreography that The Cadet tried to change and ended with The Spark’s elimination.  I’m sure The Cadet is thrilled about doing this song again.  The air is filled with bubbles for this performance, which adds a whimsical touch.  That might lift his spirits. 

Those have to be soap bubbles.  Can you imagine performing, and one of those bubbles pops right in your eye?  Just one of the many random thoughts that wandered through my brain while I waited for this performance to end.  It wasn’t a bad performance.  It’s just not what I came here for.  I hate to keep comparing this to No Mercy,  but those trainees had to come up with all new performances for the finale.  

Another random thought:  the camera really loves Jooan.  I wonder if there was any doubt that he was going to win this.  Also, when those bubbles hit that stage and pop, won’t the dance surface get slippery? 

Back to our hosts, who talk about how the idols’ performances have really gone downhill since the show started.  Just kidding, they’ve improved.  Lia Kim, who absolutely slays in her leather jacket, talks about how they’ve improved.  Yerin, one of the expression coaches, talks about how they’ve improved.  Everyone nods in agreement about how much they’ve improved.  I’m pretty sure if I were one of the parents in the audience, even I would have fallen asleep by now.  My kid would never speak to me again.

“It’s getting warmed up in here!” one of the hosts blatantly lies to us.  We’re told that each text to submit a vote will cost ten cents.  This is the first I’m hearing about it.  I wonder how many South Korean teenagers froze mid-text and went into math mode and then panic mode. 

Suddenly, the show does warm up.  We’re about to see the rap, dance, and vocal performances from last episode.  I’m more than happy to see these again.

I will never ever get tired of that SHINee song. 

The coaches talk about how much the teams have improved and their confidence has improved and everything has improved. 

We’re getting another performance to a new song written by Kim Jong Wan, our coach from the alt rock band Nell.  He says he wrote a song about how the idols must be feeling right now.  It’s called “Can We Please Find Out Who Won Already?”  Wait, no.  It’s called “Last Chance.”

We cut to film footage of the idols in a recording studio with Kim Jong Wan, working on the song.  We also get choreo from Choi Young Yun.  Now time to see the performance on the finale stage.  

It really is impressive.  The pyrotechnics, combined with the high-energy dancing and aggressive vocals, make this a full-on explosion of a performance.  And it’s a really good song.  Nice job, Mr. Kim.

Back to the coaches.  You already know what they’re going to say.  After they say the word “improved” about 100 more times, it’s time for them to vote for their favorites.  They write the names down.  We never find out who they voted for. 

Then the hosts do a countdown, and then all voting is closed, including from the fans.  We’re halfway through the show, and I’m hoping that now we’re about to pick up the pace.

No such luck, but we do take an interesting detour.  We cut to interviews with the trainees talking about their experiences making the show.  They couldn’t believe how much it rained.  They feel like they can overcome anything now.  Everyone was obsessed with the points.  They all bonded, even though they were all competing.  We have to watch all the Team A drama again, but then we get to see that cool moment when Aquaman jumped out of his team’s boat to free it from the rocks. 

We see clips of the contestants’ auditions for the show, which I also found interesting.  I didn’t realize they all had to audition, not just the independent trainees.  Jooan brings his guitar into his audition, but we don’t get to hear him play it.  All the trainees talk about their dreams of debuting.  I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like for the seven who have to go home after this.

Now we get another stage performance.  I thought we were done with these.  The song is “If You Can Hear Me.”  It’s a wispy nothing of a ballad, but they all look and sound good singing it.  And boy does the camera really REALLY love Jooan.  It also has a thing on the side with The Cadet.  I wish The Cadet could have won as well.  I wish there had been eight spots in TAN.

I think it’s dawning on the trainees that all this is about to end, because some of them start crying onstage during the song.  They have been through a lot.  They start hugging each other.  I love that Jooan crosses the stage and hugs The Cadet. 

Random Thought #4,812:  Why does the Tower look like it has a toothbrush on either side of it?

The trainees line up across the stage.  Now, maybe, we can finally find out the winners.  The hosts ask the trainees questions about what this whole experience has been like, which they’ve already talked about in the interview clips.  I’m sure they’re all tired of talking about it.  Please award some points or something.  This show only should have been an hour long instead of two.  We still have forty minutes to go, and we are just killing time.  Any minute now, the coaches will start talking again about how much the performances have improved.

One of the hosts asked The Cadet if he thinks he’ll be in the final seven, and I want to smack her upside the head with her own microphone.  The Cadet breaks down in tears, saying he’ll be sad if he’s not able to continue.  The contestants are just as stressed out as the rest of us.  I don’t think I can take any more of these K-pop band reality shows.  My heart breaks every time. 

I can’t believe I was right about this – the hosts ask the coaches again what they thought of the performances tonight.  You won’t believe it – the coaches liked the final performances and thought all the idols have improved so much.  Did this show really have nothing else planned for this finale?  Did other celebrities cancel at the last minute?  We couldn’t get someone to juggle bowling pins or bring in their pets to do tricks?  Go check with the audience and see if any of them can do a makeup tutorial or something.  ANYTHING.  Again, this should not have been a two-hour live broadcast.  I actually think now that we could have done all this in thirty minutes, including the performances.  

Even Taehoon, always the defiant, determined one, is about to break down.  For the love of everything that is sacred and holy, please move this along. 

Okay, now something is happening!  The name of the group is about to be revealed.  I need to see the reactions on the trainees’ faces.  The hosts look at their notecards and announce the name, pronouncing it “tan” like the color.  The camera is too far away for us to see the finalists’ reactions.  Even if we were close enough, they’ve all turned their back to the cameras to see the big screen with the name and logo on it. 

Speaking of the name and logo, I get why BTS fans were upset. 

Now, thank God, we are going to get the names of the winners.  In order of name reveal, they are:

Hyunyeop.   Again, the cameras are too far away to get his reaction, and when they finally zoom in, he’s surrounded by all the other idols congratulating him, and I can’t see his face.  We finally do get to see him as he’s pulling himself together.  The hosts make him give a thank you speech before letting him ascend the winners’ podium.  Now we’re filling up time by making each winner give a speech?  And making the other contestants wait even longer while he gives that speech?  Again, this whole show could have been done in THIRTY MINUTES.

Jaejun.  I managed to get a screenshot of him before he’s swallowed up by the others congratulating him.  Not only does this show not know where to put the cameras, they cover the screen with so much text.  The text thing been a problem since episode one and drives me nuts when I’m getting screenshots.  I do love how cocky Jaejun is.  When the hosts ask if he was expecting to win, he says, “yes, I was.”  He’s only half-joking.

Sunghyuk.  Our drama queen.  It occurs to me that this finale is way more positive in tone than the No Mercy finale.  Here, they didn’t dismiss the few audience members who are there, and the other contestants are hugging and congratulating the winners.  It feels more like a celebration. 

Jiseong.  Our high school student.  He’s the first one to refer to the name TAN in his thank-you speech, like he’s getting used to the sound of it.  He walks to the winners’ podium like he’s still testing out the name in his head.

The hosts stop here and try to chat with the rest of the idols who are still waiting to hear what their future will bring.  The remaining contestants are all so stressed out I can practically hear them grinding their teeth, and the hosts are asking, “So, who do you think will be the other winners?  Do you think you will be one of the winners?  How are you feeling right now?  Hey, where did you get that knife?”

Seriously, dragging it out like this really is cruel.  It’s not fun.  Just get on with it. 

Now we get into something I couldn’t really follow.  Turns out they’ve been announcing the winners from sixth place to third, and now they have to announce the first and second place winners before going back and telling us who came in seventh.  We’re told that Changsun and Taehoon are the two people in the top two places, but they can’t celebrate yet, because they need to wait to find out who came in number one.  Why are they making this so confusing?  

Changsun is finally named as the first place winner, and everyone runs to hug him, forgetting that this means that Taehoon is in second place and also needs to be congratulated, but I don’t blame any of them for not being able to follow this. 

Changsun manages to choke out his thank you speech through sobs.  He thanks his grandmother, who he tells us died two weeks ago.  Oh my God.  He really wanted her to see him debut.  The hosts, in the only act of common sense and compassion they’ve shown this entire episode, allow him to go to the winners’ podium, and now Taehoon has to follow that with his thank you speech.  He says a few words and then makes it to the podium, where Changsun is still sobbing. 

Now for the final spot.  I’m not exaggerating when I report that they wait SEVEN MINUTES to announce Jooan’s name.  They ask the coaches who they think it will be.  They ask the remaining contestants who they think it will be.  They laugh and joke and do fake-outs.  Is this some form of hazing?  Are all K-pop idols required to torture potential new debuting artists like this?  I got a screenshot of Jooan’s face, which I think perfectly sums up not only his stress, but how it feels to be watching this show right now.

They finally announce Jooan’s name.  He literally almost collapses.  Everyone surrounds him, not just to hug him but to keep him upright.  The other TAN members jump off the podium and run to him.  The showrunners must have made them march their K-pop butts back to the podium, because suddenly it’s just Jooan with a microphone, surrounded by all the ones who didn’t make it.

He expresses his condolences to all of them.  He’s crying when he says, “Mom, I’ll keep at it a little longer.”  I would love to know the story behind that.  He gives up trying to talk after that and just keeps crying.

Needing to stretch for more time, the hosts want him to keep talking.  You’ve got to be kidding me.  This is beyond cruel at this point.  Jooan manages to thank everyone again.  He tells his father, who’s in the audience, that he loves him.  Finally, sensing that Jooan may just die right there on camera, the hosts let him go to the winners’ podium.  As soon as he makes it up there, a big confetti cannon goes off right behind the podium, scaring the winners so badly, they almost fall off.  

The hosts announce that TAN will debut in 2022, and then the show finally, mercifully ends.

Even with a full audience, this would have been exhausting.  All I have the energy to say now is that TAN deserved a much better finale than this. 

They also deserved a much better career than the one they wound up getting.  But more on that in the next essay.

 

TAN Update:  Wild Idol for real

Back to Site Table of Contents