Wild Idol, Episode 4: Quicksand

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(Written on April 7, 2024)

“You’re playing, and you think everything is going fine, but then one thing goes wrong.  And then another.  And another.  And you try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink.  ‘Til you can’t move.  Can’t breathe.  ‘Cause you’re in over your head.    Like quicksand.”

         -- Keanu Reeves as Shane Falco, The Replacements, 2000

When we left the South Korean wilderness, we had a field full of exhausted competitors ready to call it a day, but then the Tower dropped a cliffhanger.

Before we can get to that, Episode 4 begins with our usual intro of animals in the wild, which I was about to skip past until we got a scene of an alligator lunging out of the water to snatch a gnu from the riverbank and drag it under.  That was awesome.  Will our idols be doing that?  Lying just beneath the surface of the water, wearing those goggles with the plastic air tubes, and lunging out to drag the panelists underwater and seeing how long they can keep them there?  Because that would be fantastic.

It looks like this episode will focus on teamwork.  We are back at the Tower.  The contestants are wearing blue/gray jumpsuit uniforms now.  Jooan has his game face on, ready to defend his Number One spot.  Meanwhile, the tall, intimidating #29 contestant says, “I need to crush them.”  (Reminder:  he’s only 22 years old.)

We cut back to the cliffhanger moment.  The Tower says that a voting round was held for the last spot in the debut group.  All 44 idols voted for someone in the group to stay, and it was a tie.  So now we have sixteen.

“Only the strong will survive,” drones the Tower, “and only those who survive can debut!”  We get it already.  “An extreme debut project in the wild.”  Yes, WE KNOW.  This particular episode is almost two hours long, and if we don’t pick up the pace, it’s going to feel twice as long.  I need a bigger notebook. 

We are told there will only be seven members in the final group.  Which means nine of the current group will be going home.  Today, we will focus on the teamwork competition.  The teams that rank high today will have leverage in the teamwork evaluation.  As for the rankings and points, they have all been re-set.  This is especially good news for the two who had lower scores and rankings and got voted back in. 

There will be four teams with four trainees each.  The Tower announces the leaders of each group:

Team A:   Jooan

Team B:  Changsun

Team C:  Non-TAN member Park Gun Wook.

Team D:  Sunghyuk

The others now must choose the team they want to join.  If a team is already full, the leader will choose which teammates to kick out.  Well. That sounds brutal. 

Even though we’re down to just sixteen contestants, it’s still hard keeping track of all the names, especially when they don’t sound distinct to an American like me.  I don’t want to make  the non-TAN members sound like nobodies, and some of them are actually really talented and deserve to be referred to as more than just non-TAN members.  So I will give them nicknames where I can.  These competitors may not be particularly thrilled with the nicknames I’ve chosen, but I’m willing to bet they have just as much trouble with English names, so let’s make it even.  If they want to call me “Grumpy Redhead,” I think that’s fair.

With that in mind, I’m calling the intimidating #29 candidate “Baby Hercules.”  He immediately chooses Team A, Jooan’s team.  Jooan is very popular today, winding up with five players who want to join his team.  He’s going to have to turn away two people.  This is not a fun decision to make.  Why didn’t two of the guys just choose another leader when they saw Jooan’s team was full?   

So now, our indie artist outsider has to hurt some feelings.  He does not choose Baby H.  He’s apparently become friends with Jae Eok and chooses him.  Jae Eok’s hair is dyed a cool blue-gray that almost matches his jumpsuit.  According to Google, the color is “cadet gray,” so I will call him The Cadet. 

Jooan hugs Baby Hercules and the other player he’s cutting, and they seem to take it well.  But I already have my doubts about his decision.  If this team is going to be facing strength and endurance challenges, he should have kept Baby Hercules.

It’s too late now.  The teams are chosen.  Team C does not have any TAN members in it, but they do have Baby H, who is especially motivated to prove himself after being cut from the most popular team.  He says in a confessional that it’s his first time being dumped.  Hoo boy. 

Suddenly, the screen goes dark, and we see the words “Eight hours later…” My anxiety spikes.  It’s nighttime.  Jooan’s team is arguing.  Oh no. 

Then another blank screen, and the words “Forty hours later…” What’s going on?  It’s daytime, it looks like it’s raining, and Jooan’s team, which includes two of his future bandmates, is arguing again. 

We come back to the present.  Jooan’s team is happy and ready to start, with no inkling of the doom that apparently awaits them. 

Now we get a really cool “Golden Box” graphic on the Tower’s LED screen.  The Tower says, “A scramble for the Golden Box begins now.”  We learn there is only one box.  Only one team can get it.  Our idols are told to go to the river.  And there it is, floating in the water, looking more like a regular cardboard box than a Golden Box.  The show couldn’t spring for some gold paint?  Thirteen bucks USD per gallon on Amazon.  I’m just saying.  

The teams sprint to the river.  They throw themselves in and race for the Cardboard Box.  Baby H gets the box first.  I warned you, Jooan. 

Speaking of Jooan, he is standing waist-deep in water, staring at the shore.  We see that The Cadet is still standing on the riverbank.  He didn’t even get into the water.  At first, I thought he didn’t get in because he saw Baby H already had the box, but no.  We see from a replay that he stopped dead right at the edge of the water as everyone else was jumping in.  Can he swim?  He has to be able to swim if he took part in the Ocean Shuttle Run and the group meditation in the river after the morning run.  Is he sabotaging the group?

The Tower tells Baby H to open the box.  Inside are gloves, shoe covers, and what looks like a weight belt.  Jooan tells us that the one he kicked off his team is the one who does so well on missions.  Oh, you noticed that too?

The tower announces a teamwork warm-up mission.  Across the river, planted in the far bank, are flags for each team.  Each team gets a boat and paddles and must race to retrieve their flag first.  This may be their toughest challenge yet.  I wonder how deep that water is.

Just a couple minutes in, Changsun’s team gets stuck on a rock.  Hyung Woo, who I’m going to call Aquaman, jumps into the water to pull it free.  He’s in a tough spot, pushing the boat while dodging the oars of the other boats going past him.  But he succeeds.

Jooan’s team, meanwhile, has their own struggle.  They bump headlong into another boat, bringing both boats to a stop.  When they finally break free, Park Ju Eon, who I will call The Brat, starts splashing water on Jooan’s team with his oar as they pull away.  Jooan’s team falls to the very back.

Sunghyuk’s team gets their flag first.  Aquaman jumps back into the water for Changsun’s team and grabs their flag.  (Someone check him for gills.)  Jooan’s team is the last to get their flag.  At least The Cadet is in the boat and rowing.  I no longer suspect him of sabotage, although I would like an explanation why he didn’t even try to get the Golden Box.

Sunghyuk’s team wins this challenge.  Incidentally, this team includes the second guy Jooan kicked off his team.  He tells us he’s feeling rather vindicated when he sees the frustration on Jooan’s face. 

Now for the Talent Missions.  The first challenge is a K-pop Idol Cover Dance Mission.  The four coaches, all famous K-pop idols, approach the Tower.  One is our previous vocal coach, Kim Sung Kyu, who is also one of the panelists.  You know, the one who made Baby H tell everyone his age.  The second one is Jun K of 2pm.  Third, we have Taeil from a group called Block B.  And by sheer coincidence, our fourth idol is Niel from Teen Top.  You remember.  The group whose name stands for “Teenage Emoboy Emotion Next Generation –” (passes out from lack of oxygen)

Our four teams have to do dance covers to these idols’ songs.  Jooan’s face lights up.  His team may be back in business.  

We see clips of all the songs.  As a newbie K-pop fan, the only one I recognize is “My House” by 2pm.  The teams get to choose songs in order of their rankings.  Since they’re in last place, Jooan’s team has to take whatever song is left.  Jooan doesn’t look so happy anymore.

Sunghyuk chooses first for his team, and something interesting happens.  He chooses a song that his teammates specifically didn’t want to do.  Now his teammates are confused and mad at him.  What is he thinking?  In a confessional, he says the song his team wanted would have been hard to rehearse.  Well, now the song you chose will also be hard to rehearse, since your fellow dancers are pissed off at you.  I’m looking forward to some angry dancing.

Changsun chooses for his team.  Earlier, he said he wanted the Teen Top song, but now he chooses a different song.  Niel of Teen Top, despite taking it well, now has a reason to hold a grudge, and he’s one of the judges.  I think too much time in the sun is frying everyone’s brains. 

Team C, with Baby H and The Brat (which would make a great name for a 1990s morning radio show duo) chooses the 2pm song, leaving Jooan’s team with Teen Top and the most difficult choreography of all four songs.  This could actually wind up being a huge opportunity.  If they can perfectly do this difficult footwork out in the wild, they could take this category.

But wait.  The Tower tells us they only have ninety minutes to rehearse.  At least they get iPads to watch the videos.  But still, only ninety minutes?!  I don’t know how they’re going to pull this off.

Based on the rehearsal footage, it’s not looking like they will.  The Cadet is leading Jooan’s team, and Jooan is having trouble learning the steps.  The other groups are having trouble, too.  And if that weren’t bad enough, halfway through their allotted time, it starts raining.  Then the K-pop idol coaches show up to check on their progress and tell them they’re doing everything all wrong.  Coming up next on Wild Idol, frogs and locusts rain down on our contestants!  Stay tuned!

Time’s up, and the K-pop coaches waiting at the Tower jump a mile when the drums start beating again.  That got a chuckle out of me.  What noobs.  Then the four teams arrive.  At least it’s stopped raining. 

The coaches decide the order by pulling letters out of a box.  They explain how they’re going to award points, but it involves math so I don’t care.  

Jooan’s team, with the hardest choreo, goes first, and they nail the footwork.  I can’t believe they learned all this in ninety minutes.  The Cadet redeems himself by getting singled out for praise from the judges, and rightly so.  He already looks like a K-pop idol.  You could put him on a stage right now, and he’d be right at home.

Team C is next.  As they get ready, Kim Sung Kyu (the same vocal coach who asked Baby H his age in the first place), tells the other coaches that Baby H is twenty-two.  The other judges get flustered, which means they knew to follow the rules, while the vocal coach, WHO IS ALSO A PANELIST, did not.  This proves my scientific theory that panelists ruin everything.  Oh, and Team C does a great job.  The judges have nothing but praise.  Moving on.

Time for Changsun’s team.  They do sexually-charged moves right out of the gate, including having Jaejun pour water over Changsun.  With Taehoon’s fierce facial expressions and Jaejun’s krumping solo, I think they might win this.

Finally, Sunghyuk’s team.  They start out making mistakes and just get worse from there.  Even when they get their confidence back, they’re never truly in sync.  The coaches are brutal in their criticism, but they do get some nice comments from coaches who feel badly for them.  The one who made the most mistakes, Hyung Seok, tears up a bit from the criticism, and my heart breaks.  He takes the most blame for bringing his team down.  

When the team rankings are announced, Sunghyuk’s team is in last place, and Hyung Seok takes it particularly hard.  Interestingly, Sunghyuk wonders if his team would have done better if he hadn’t gone against his teammates when choosing a song.

Jooan’s team gets third place, and I yelled, “SERIOUSLY?” at my screen.  I call no way.  They had the most difficult choreo, some of which they had to learn in the rain, and they nailed it. 

Changsun’s team takes first place, which I agree with.  I just think Jooan’s team was good enough for second.  The team with Baby H and The Brat places second.  Another vindication for Baby H.  It doesn’t go unnoticed by Jooan.  Unfortunately, things are about to get even worse for our indie artist.

The coaches announce the best dancer from each team, awarding each one fifty extra points.  The leaders of each team get this honor, except for Jooan’s team.  The Cadet gets chosen instead.  In a confessional, Jooan tries to be diplomatic, but we can tell he’s crushed.  He’s in quicksand, and the harder he tries, the worse it gets for him.

The K-pop coaches leave.  The Tower tells the idols they did good work today, and now it’s time to announce the team rankings.  Jooan looks like all he wants to do is crawl back into his tent and pretend this day never happened. 

The ranking begins.  Jooan’s team is in last place.  Please stop.  Jooan is just going to hurl himself into the river at this point.  The Cadet looks pissed.  I sense a fight brewing.

Sunghyuk’s team is in third place.  They won the boat race but lost the dance challenge.  Hyung Seok knows he’s to blame and might be following Jooan into the river.

And now it’s time for the individual rankings, just to make sure Jooan and Hyung Seok have no self esteem left whatsoever.

First place:  Changsun.  So much for the rivalry.

Second place:  Park Gun Wook, the leader of the team with Baby H and The Brat.

Third place:  A 3-way tie.  Taehoon, Jaejun, and Aquaman.

Sixth place:  Sunghyuk.

Seventh place:  A 4-way tie.  Ki Joong, The Brat, Baby H, and The Cadet.    I’m in pain right now.  I might jump into that river next.

Eleventh place:  Another tie.  Hyung Seok and two other non-TAN members.

Fourteenth place:  A tie between three TAN members.  Jiseong, Hyunyeop, and of course, Jooan.

I don’t know how much more of this I can take, and we still have 20 minutes left in this episode.  Jooan has gone from first place to last.  Even if I were watching this show when it initially aired and didn’t know who TAN was, I’d be devastated.

Mercifully, we cut away to later, with the boys having dinner outside of their tents.  These tents look bigger and nicer than the ones they had before.  Sunghyuk’s team is bummed.  Yoon Ho, who I’m calling Surfer Dude because of his fried blonde hair, tells them to shake it off and start again tomorrow.

Over at Team A’s tent, Jooan isn’t eating.  His teammates try to lift his spirits.  He finally acknowledges, halfheartedly, that things could be better tomorrow.  He says it exactly the way I do when other people are trying to lift my spirits and I just want them to shut up.

Night falls, and we do get to see inside the tents, which are definitely nicer than the ones before.  Even with four to a tent, it’s spacious.  Just as the idols are dozing off, the drums start up again, jolting them awake.  Dear God, just let this day end already.

Hyung Seok, desperately trying to do one thing right today, gets to the Tower first.  When all the idols arrive, the drumming stops.  These guys are all going to suffer from PTSD whenever they hear drums in the future.  I’m surprised TAN didn’t wind up being an a cappella group.

The Tower announces they are going to have a teammate trade.  Each team has to select a teammate to let go, and right away, I have a terrible feeling that Jooan’s own team will mutiny and kick him out.

All the contestants are PISSED.  The lower-ranking teams have just finished pep-talking each other and preparing to do better tomorrow, and now that team spirit is being pulled apart.  The higher-ranking teams are upset because individuals who get traded take their individual scores with them, which will be added to the new team’s score.  At first glance, nobody is benefitting from this.  All I can think is, just get this over with.

The teams have to get together to discuss which teammate to trade.  Their individual rankings and scores are lit up on the Tower to help them make their decisions, and also because the Tower doesn’t have hands to literally rub salt in the wound.

The campsite is dead silent.  No one knows how to start the discussion. Finally, over on Sunghyuk’s team, Hyung Seok volunteers to leave for the good of his team.  I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to break again so soon, but here we are. 

Over on Team B, Changsun reveals himself to be a remarkable strategist and team leader.  I had to pause and rewind because I wanted to write down exactly what he tells his team:

“I’m going to be real, okay?  If you think about it, it can be a good opportunity to leave the team.  I’m just being honest.  First of all, our team score isn’t bad.  We already have a good team score and good individual scores.  You’ll be treated well even if you leave this team.  They might want to scout you.  The dance mission, which we were confident in, has ended, and there’s no guarantee that we’ll be in the lead in the future.  So it might be better if you join another team to get better points.  It’s not such a bad situation as an individual.” 

 

This is what Changsun is telling his team while the other teams can barely even start their discussion.  I hope Changsun winds up running his own entertainment company someday.  And his teammates agree.  They are all dancers, which is why they won the dance challenge.  The dance part is now done.  They need a vocalist.  Team B will not stay at the top of the rankings with their current lineup.

Over at Team C, we get another interesting perspective.  Baby H wants to leave for the fun of it.  He wants to be adventurous and see what things would be like in a different group.  It’s the polar opposite of Changsun’s approach, but I find it just as valid.  Changsun is leading with his head, and Baby H is leading with his heart.  The show actually plays the theme from Indiana Jones in the background while Baby H explains his decision.  I’d love to go bowling with these showrunners sometime. 

Jooan’s team has been quiet the longest.  Someone in the group suggests that since The Cadet has the highest individual score, he should be the leader of the team now.  We cut away to Jooan in the confessional, and he’s crying.  All three of his teammates want to leave.  The quicksand is pulling him under.  He can’t see daylight.

The tension is almost unbearable.  The Tower announces that time is up, and the teammates who are leaving need to step forward.

Baby H is first, leaving Team C.  He doesn’t even hesitate.

Aquaman leaves Changun’s team, inspired by his team leader’s speech.

Hyung Seok falls on his sword and leaves Sunghyuk’s team. 

All I can think right now is that Jooan should leave his own team.  The next challenges will include vocals, which will make him valuable to other teams.  Plus, it will show how he has taken responsibility.  He’s the one who put this team together, and they are now disillusioned in him. 

The Tower is demanding an answer.  Jooan’s teammates frantically tell the Tower they need just a few more minutes.  They haven’t made a decision.  I am literally on the edge of my seat.  I can hardly breathe.  This is killing me.  I can’t take my eyes off Jooan, who is standing very still, making a decision.

And then, he does it.

To the shock of his teammates, the rest of the idols, the panel, and probably even the Tower itself, Jooan rips off his Team A badge and steps forward.  I cheer so loudly, I may have woken up my neighbors. 

Jooan is smiling.  It’s the smile of someone who has finally figured something out and seen daylight.  He is walking away from the pool of quicksand. 

His teammates are frantic, trying to get him to come back, telling the Tower they need more time.  They feel abandoned and a little angry with him for leaving, and I’m trying to reason with them through my computer screen, quoting Keanu Reeves and explaining about quicksand, because that’s what this show has reduced me to. 

The episode ends here, and I’m still convinced that if it had gone on for just one more minute, I could have made them see.

I need to go to bed.

Episode 5:  Everything is terrible.

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