This has been a WEEK. We need to get some housekeeping out of the
way before we get started. For starters, the new ATEEZ album, Ashes to
Light, dropped on Wednesday. My
phone pretty much exploded. I know
everyone’s going nuts over the first track and video, “Ash,” but my immediate
favorite was “Face.” (What can I
say? I like my ATEEZ wild and
dangerous.) I also love the vocal
harmonies on “Days” and “Crescendo.”
Then, just when I was settling in with this new album, ATEEZ pulled a Kendrick Lamar and unexpectedly dropped a solo video for Mingi’s “Roar.” Just right out of nowhere. I said I liked my ATEEZ wild and dangerous, and Mingi apparently took that as a challenge. His performance pins you to the wall and leaves you breathless on the floor, wondering how your bra is gone but your shirt’s still on.
Also this past week, I got confirmation from several Tumblr users that Jongho is indeed an evil mastermind. Look no further than the epic tags written by user chestnutbeomie and posted by storkmuffin. (Go to the reblog section.) Jongho is a bit scary, which is kind of hot. I seriously do not understand what this group is doing to me. Let’s just get back to the recaps. Welcome to Episode Seven!
We’re in the home stretch of this series, and we open with San in a confessional, telling us his dates with Seonghwa were full of romance. “Romance limit exceeded,” he tells us. He’s asked how he felt when he found out Seonghwa was going to be his date. He answers without mentioning Yeosang at all, which I believe therapists call “growth.”
We get a flashback montage of their date, and I hope the whole episode won’t be flashbacks. K-pop reality shows generally have a pacing problem. I’m worried the showrunners have suddenly realized the dates are over and they still have two episodes to fill.
The showrunners must have
heard me, because now we cut to footage from just last month, on the group’s US
tour. OH, YES. I remember when this hit the internet.
More flashback footage, as San and Seonghwa arrive at the glampsite for whisky and marshmallows. We finally get our opening credits, and I settle in for new storylines. But no. Now we get flashbacks of Hongjoong and Wooyoung’s date. It looks like this is going to be an episode of B-roll footage.
Well. This is disappointing.
We get shots of the food our
boys are served in the hotel lounge. It’s
presented with the same “ta-da!” vibe as before, as if the showrunners forgot
we’ve already seen this.
“Um, guys? I
think this is a rerun.”
We get some conversation I don’t remember from before. As they enjoy the seafood, Hongjoong says, “I ate lobster with my mom not too long ago.” Wooyoung protests, “You can’t say that on the show! My mom will see this and say, ‘Hongjoong eats lobster with his mom. Why don’t you ever take me for lobster?’”
In a confessional, Wooyoung
tells us his date is bad at cooking. So
that’s driving, wardrobe, eating vegetables, and cooking that he thinks his
captain is terrible at. Poor
Hongjoong. He’s probably wishing he’d
been paired up with Yeosang as well.
“Did I mention Hongjoong snores? I’m so glad we finally got our own rooms.”
We get more flashbacks of the two of them falling off the banana boat in the Han River. Okay. Let’s see if I can liven this up with some of the research I did on this group back when I started these recaps. (checks notes) Here’s something. Wooyoung can touch his nose with his tongue, and Hongjoong’s English name is “Edward.”
I also found a great story on Reddit. Hongjoong constantly gets nagged by Seonghwa about cleaning up after himself. One year on Hongjoong’s birthday, Seonghwa put his birthday gift on top of Hongjoong’s pile of laundry, along with a threatening note. I’m not proud of this, but that sounds like something I would do. I was not a fun roommate in college.
Also, according to someone on Quora, Hongjoong’s top three words he’s had to say most as a leader are “stop,” “no,” and “please.” I’ve said it before: I can’t imagine trying to lead this group. He’s probably too exhausted to clean up and do laundry.
Back to our show. In a confessional, Hongjoong tells us that Wooyoung is a “very deep friend.” Hoo boy. Wait until he sees the footage of Wooyoung itemizing his faults.
On to our flashbacks of Yunho
and Mingi.
They talk about what they’ll be doing in ten years. “We’ll be forty,” Yunho tells Mingi, who sits quietly with that for a few seconds and then responds, “We’re doomed. Almost thirty already.” He looks genuinely sad.
As a Gen Xer, I really felt
that. Time leap headfirst into denial with
some fun facts! (scrambling through
my notes while trying to ignore the fact that time is a never-ending march
toward oblivion and we are all just dust in the wind) Here we go! Mingi also hates vegetables and is considered
the noisiest member. He’s also a big
scaredy-cat, as evidenced by some really funny videos on YouTube.
Also, Yunho always wears a ring that was a gift from his late grandfather. His friendship with Mingi is so strong, they call each other’s moms “Mom.” Or whatever the Korean equivalent is. (checking Google translate) “Eomma.” It’s pronounced “oh, ma!” like a Brooklyn guy yelling at his mom.
Back to our clip show
episode. We see Yunho and Mingi at the
baeksuk restaurant. This is one of my favorite
moments from the show, seeing these two enjoying baeksuk while surrounded by
nature. I’ve learned that Mingi has been
very open about his anxiety, so it makes sense that his date involves nature
walks, good food, and paragliding. For
all the thrills, I still saw something kind of Zen in the paragliding.
Back to San and our clean freak Seonghwa. One thing I’ve noticed on these dinner dates is that the group members are very aware of the cameras and film crew stationed just a few feet away from them. They’re always looking off camera, and you can tell when they’re making eye contact with a crew member.
San calls himself and Seonghwa ATEEZ’s official light drinkers, which reminds me of something from my notes. Seonghwa ranked the drinking tolerance of the group members a few years ago. He ranked himself, San, and Hongjoong at the bottom. In fact, Hongjoong was in last place, and considering he’s the shortest and probably weighs the least, it makes sense that his tolerance is so low.
I’m surprised that Jongho only came in second place, but he’s behind Yunho, the one with the biggest body mass in the group. I got a kick out of a Reddit comment that Hongjoong and Seonghwa are probably the biggest drinkers of the group, despite their low-ranking tolerance on the list, because they are the dad and mom of this group and need the most alcohol to get through it. Their kids have driven them to drink.
I found a YouTube video from
five years ago in which Hongjoong, filming a show called ATEEZ Treasure
Film, is very clearly drunk. I love
how drunk Hongjoong still tries to stay in Cool Idol Mode.
“Hellooooo Atineeeeeee! Pleazzzz stop making the room spin!”
Back at the glampsite, San says he doesn’t like to drink much because “alcohol multiplies feelings,” which is the best way of putting it I’ve ever heard.
Now we head over to the heavy drinkers of ATEEZ, Jongho and Yeosang (#2 and #5 on Seonghwa’s list). They talk about the drinking habits of each member, and we get the clip of Jongho insisting he doesn’t have a drinking problem. Fun Fact: Seonghwa once said he had to switch off Jongho’s alarm clock because it wasn’t waking Jongho, but it was waking up Seonghwa, who was in a totally separate room. I’m not saying that Jongho was passed out drunk, but I’m not NOT saying it either.
At the restaurant, Jongho says Mingi tries to get others to drink when he’s drunk, and if someone else can drink better than him, he tries to go home. Yeosang responds, “He must have gone home a lot when drinking with you.” Our shyest member has some fire in him.
Back in the studio, all the
members are quick to say that none of the members have extreme drinking habits,
and none of them get too rowdy when they drink.
Again, I’d like to call YouTube to the stand for contradicting testimony. This is from something called WANTEEZ Drink
Tour:
We do seem to be getting some
new footage from these dates. Jongho
starts singing, and Yeosang hands him a microphone. Koreans love their karaoke. These two call it “noraebang,” which
literally means “song room” and is a private karaoke room with food and musical
instruments.
Jongho sings Park Hyo Shin’s “Memories Resemble Love,” and for all the crap I’ve given him in my recaps, I have to say he has one of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard. His high range is to swoon for.
After that lovely interlude, we join San and Seonghwa by the glampfire. San is blissed out after three shots of whisky and says, “I’m seriously so happy.” According to my notes, San’s name means “mountain,” and his sister Hanuel’s name means “sky.” His parents sound really cool.
San definitely has a low tolerance, but he’s so sweet when he’s drunk. “I really do have great people in my life,” he keeps saying. Seonghwa finally gets tired of it and says, “You’ve got good luck with people because you’re a good person. There, I said it.”
“We’re just receiving so much
love right now,” San insists, and I just want to give him a hug and maybe get
him some coffee. “If I were more emotional, I’d be crying right
now,” he says. Oh my God, how is this
onstage monster so sweet offstage?
The two of them scarf down some spicy noodles, and then San sits back and looks contentedly at the sky. “One thing’s for sure,” he says, “I’m happy. I was really, truly happy today.”
I seriously might cry.
San keeps drinking whisky, and his face is starting to get red. I hope the crew takes his keys away.
Now back to Jongho and Yeosang. They get a notification on their phones. It’s a new Hidden Ask question: “Who’s the most different off camera than on camera?”
Just based on what I’ve learned over the past few weeks, I’d say San and Mingi. They are absolute beast idols onstage, sometimes downright scary, but they are sweet and quiet in person. (Well, mostly San.)
Yeosang picks San. He knows his bandmate well. Back in the studio, San lights up like the Fourth of July at hearing his favorite bandmate finally talk about him.
Back at the glampfire, we learn
that everyone in the group has the same answer. San is still blissed out on Macallan and
says, “I’ve never seen a group as kind as ours.” This man is wonderful. Please take the bottle away from him.
“I love carpet.
I love desk. I love lamp.”
Now we join Mingi and Yunho just in time to see Yunho drink an entire small bowl of Makgeolli in one shot. Our boys get a text notification with a new Hidden Ask question, and this is the one I’ve been waiting for: “Do you have a truth that you’ve been keeping from a member?” Right away, they both know Jongho wrote this question. I just know the man is always looking for blackmail material he can use to rule the universe.
Jongho, in the extremely
unlikely event that you are reading these recaps, I would just like to say that
I welcome you as our new K-pop overlord.
I’d like to remind you that as a trusted online recapper on Tumblr that I
could be helpful in … well, I’m sure I can think of something. Please don’t kill me.
Jungho insists he wrote this question because he thought it would be fun. Yes, I absolutely believe that causing chaos is fun for him. But the real reason turns out to be way more petty than I expected. “When we used to live together in the dorm, we wondered who kept leaving their paper cup on top of the water dispenser,” he explains. “I feel like some members are still hiding things like that.”
The other members share my reaction, which is: Wow. Hongjoong says he doesn’t even think the culprit would remember doing that, and I agree. Also, it appears that Jungho is a bigger neat freak than Seonghwa. I once had a roommate who dyed her hair black in the shower and left black streaks all over the bathroom. It looked like a demon had been slaughtered in there. I would have been so grateful if she had just left paper cups everywhere instead.
Okay, let’s see if we can find this culprit. We go to Hongjoong and Wooyoung in the dinner lounge and wind up getting a confession to a totally different crime. Wooyoung says, “Once Jongho shouted at us, asking who ate this one particular food in the green room.”
Back in the studio, Jongho says triumphantly that this is exactly the kind of response he wanted. The man is PET-TY.
“I actually ate that,” Wooyoung
says casually. He never copped to it
because Jongho was so angry, he actually scared the other group members. Again, Jongho is the MAKNAE. According to Google, “The maknae embodies youth,
innocence, and a fresh energy that appeals to fans and adds to the group’s
charm. The usual maknae image is cute
and innocent.” Unless you eat his
favorite food in the green room. Then he
becomes someone who forces you to confess on a reality show.
“Yeah, I ate all the Cool Ranch Doritos in the green
room. I sure hope this doesn’t wind up
on the internet!”
According to Wooyoung, Jongho
was so angry about this, he wouldn’t let it go.
You don’t say. Then, in a scene
that will easily be one of my favorite moments of the entire series, Wooyoung
looks right into the camera and says, “It was really tasty, Jongho. I can’t remember what I ate, but your
reaction was much more delicious than the food.”
Hongjoong has his own confession. Back in the dorms, he used to swipe clothes from other members out of the laundry room and wear them for TV appearances. Apparently, no one noticed.
“Did you at least wash the clothes afterwards?” Wooyoung asks.
“I think I did. Maybe not,” is the response. Okay, now I understand why Seonghwa left his birthday present on a pile of laundry.
Speaking of Seonghwa, we now go back to the glampsite, where San is struggling to get the bottle of whisky open. It’s a decanter, so all he has to do is gently pull the top off, but the fact that he can’t even manage that means it’s just as well. Someone please get our boy some coffee.
Jongho’s question is put to them. Seonghwa says he used San’s bathroom multiple
times in the dorms. This admission takes
a few seconds to work its way through San’s whisky-soaked brain. “My bathroom?” he asks. “Let’s just say we’re equal since I used your
bathroom too.”
Back in the seafood restaurant, Jongho keeps pushing his date to tell his secrets, but the openhearted Yeosang doesn’t seem to have any. “Even when there’s a situation worth getting angry about,” Yeosang says, “it doesn’t really make me angry. All I think about is that I need to resolve this situation right away.” Yeah, that pretty much tracks with everything I’ve been learning about Yeosang over the past few weeks.
Yeosang does confess to getting a little irritated with his bandmates in the breakroom when he’s trying to relax, and the more energetic members (cough Mingi cough) are dancing and singing. “But they’re kind of cute, too,” he adds quickly. He now joins San as the two members I want to see protected at all costs.
They get another Hidden Ask question: “How do you want to be remembered?” Hongjoong wrote this one.
Jongho wants to be remembered as the kind of idol fans can be thankful for and gain inspiration from. Or he will make them pay. (Okay, he doesn’t actually say that last part.)
Seonghwa says when he is remembered, he hopes only good memories come to mind.
San stares off camera,
probably wondering why all the crew members are now identical triplets, and
slurs that he just wants to be remembered as a cool person.
“Why is our camera guy out of focus?”
We end the episode here. Next week, our group will vote on the best date duo after pushing San into a cold shower and making him swallow some Alka-Seltzer tablets whole. I really am sad to see this series end.
For the record, my vote for best date is San/Seonghwa, followed closely by Yonho/Mingi.
See you next week, ATINY!
Episode 8 (FINALE): Turbulence
Back to Site Table of Contents
No comments:
Post a Comment