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(Written May 15, 2024)
It’s guerilla concert
time! Whooooooo! I don’t have a light stick, but I’ve glued a
yellow highlighter to a spatula, so that should work fine. Let’s do this!
We open on the JYP Building. The trainees are split into vocal and dance teams. As we watch the dancers rehearse, we get a helpful message from whoever translated this. Over a close-up of Jay Park dancing, the subtitle reads, “JaeBum’s wonderful appearance’s Hot Blood.” At the top of the screen is a typed message reading, “It really doesn’t make sense when translated literally.” I understand. I’m just grateful someone took the time to translate this as best they could.
The dance team rehearses until they are drenched in sweat and lying on the floor. One asks, “When does practice end?” A teammate answers, “It doesn’t end.” Darn right it doesn’t. Get back on your feet. We find out they will be singing live while dancing, which is incredibly hard, but after all that military training, I think they can do this.
Rehearsals are looking and sounding great, but of course we know by now that these shows cannot allow us to be happy for long. We cut to Jinwoon (currently of 2am) missing the practice and sitting by himself. He has injured his shoulder. He can’t raise his right arm past chest level. He’s really bummed. He knows this is going to be a fun concert to be a part of, and he’s missing it.
Fast forward to final rehearsals in the practice room the day before the concert. Our script writer is here. They gather around this woman who is still bundled up like a ski instructor. That room must be 400 degrees after all these guys have been dancing in it for hours. Does she have an iron deficiency? Could someone please check her thyroid? I am genuinely concerned for this woman.
Whatever’s going on with her, she tells the group they need to spend the day advertising the concert so people will show up. None of our trainees have ever advertised a concert before. Someone is coming to help them. In walks a man named Kim Kisoo, who is apparently famous because our trainees are losing their minds. I can’t find anything about him on Google. Maybe the translator misspelled his name.
Mr. Kim says he’s talked with the Mnet production team, and he suggests advertising at a girl’s school in the area where the concert will be held. Right away, I’m wondering what kind of security they have at girls’ schools in Korea. At my former schools, a group of guys couldn’t just show up on campus like this, and security is even stricter now. Somebody’s going to get arrested.
Our trainees perk up and start cheering about going to a girls’ school. Um, how old are these girls going to be? Are these guys going to be disrupting classes? Will the teachers be around? Does this happen a lot in Korea?
Mr. Kim shows them the color
flyers they will be handing out to the students. The YouTube translator adds their own note
that says, “It’s hard to tell if they’re happy to be advertising or happy to be
meeting female students.” Okay, I’m
officially creeped out. I have so many
questions about a school that lets a bunch of 20-something men just show up and
mingle with their female students.
It gets worse. On the bus, Mr. Kim advises them to wink and flirt with the girls. (In Korea, the emergency number to dial for the police is 112. Just felt the need to throw that out there.) Mr. Kim wants to see how our trainees would give eye contact. The example Jay Park gives belongs on a horror movie poster. Thankfully, Mr. Kim shuts that down, saying he’s going to scare the girls away.
We arrive at a girls’ middle school in Seoul. Middle school for me was ages 12-15. I looked it up, and it’s the same in South Korea. These girls are literal children.
Turns out classes are done for the day, so the students are gone. Aw, too bad. Guess we need get right back to the JYP Building as fast as possible and throw the flyers out the windows at passers-by. Just slam that gas pedal to the floor.
But no, we’re off to find another school. Their timing is perfect on their second try. The girls have been watching the show and recognize the Hot Blood Boys. They mob the trainees for selfies. They gather around the bus and give high-fives to our boys through the windows. I am so uncomfortable right now.
Finally, the bus drives away. We cut to March 8th at 4:30pm. The trainees are getting back on the bus to go to the concert venue. A passing female fan gives Junho a small box of chocolates. That’s really nice, but he should throw it away as soon as she’s gone. (Seriously, a few K-pop idols have been poisoned by anti-fans in the past few years. THROW IT AWAY.)
The stage is set up in front of the Doota Mall in Seoul, and it all looks really cool. Fans have already gathered to watch the boys rehearse. They’re clutching their signs and taking pictures. Our trainees are nervous. They want to get on with this already.
Backstage, Mr. Kim tells them they should be nervous, not just about the show, but about the fact that there will be a final elimination afterward. You’re telling them this right before they go onstage? I’m guessing you’re not famous for being tactful. Who exactly are you again?
When the sun sets and the
concert starts, there are, by my conservative estimate, 50 billion people in
the audience. Exactly how big was that
girls’ school? Mr. Kim comes out to
introduce the band, the pyrotechnics kick in, and we’re off!
The dance team starts with choreo to “Ice Box” by Omaion. The girls love it. Apparently, the audience will be voting and ranking the members. I’d forgotten about that part. Up to now, voting and ranking are vague notions that occasionally get mentioned on this show, and when we had three people eliminated earlier, one of them mysteriously came back. So I have no idea how any of that works.
The next dance performance is to “Yeah,” by Usher, a classic I still love. These are not the scruffy boys who introduced themselves in Episode 1. These are men. They still look a little rough around the edges, but I can easily see the idols they will become.
Now for the vocal team. The song is “Proposal” by Noel. The harmonies are lovely – and oh my God, we get a fanchant. I love K-pop fans.
Backstage, our trainees are getting more and more nervous about the upcoming elimination. It’s all they’re talking about. But they don’t have time to dwell on it, because both teams are about to take the stage and perform together. Jinwoon won’t be in this part because of his shoulder. He sees the others off and then turns around in tears. He’s probably thinking he’ll be eliminated because of this. Since he will make it to 2am, I’m looking forward to seeing his reaction when he’s proven wrong.
The group onstage is
performing the Chris Brown song “Gimme Dat.”
I do some quick Googling. This
was filmed a year before Chris Brown beat up Rihanna and put her in the hospital. So we didn’t know about him yet. Okay.
Proceed.
The trainees are a bit crowded on that stage, but they give a fun, high-energy performance, and the crowd eats it up. Khun grabs the mic, and I want to see if his rapping has improved since Mr. Typhoon’s assignment, but we suddenly cut backstage to Jinwoon, still in tears. Poor guy. Mr. Kim is attempting to consoling him. He says, “If you cry now, what are you going to do when something worse happens later on?” WHAT. This is NOT helpful. He then goes on to say, “Are you going to cry like this every time?” Hit him, Jinwoon. I bet he’ll cry.
Back to the stage for a rousing rendition of Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back.” Wow. We’re just covering all kinds of artists we won’t want to be celebrating in a few years. What an innocent time 2008 was.
Cut to the Mnet Building,
where they are tallying the audience votes.
Our trainees are all gathered at the JYP Building for the results.
Unlike the elimination ceremonies on No Mercy and Wild Idol, this one is mercifully brief. The names of the trainees who can stay are read very quickly. The eliminated ones are Leeschi, Doojoon, and – wait, Jinwoon? Jinwoon got eliminated? But he’s in 2am! Is he going to sneak back in the way JoKwon did?
Our eliminated three are devasted. The other trainees hug them. And we end here.
What a downer of an ending after such a fun concert. I’ll be curious to see how Jinwoon comes back.
And if you are a college or
university dean, and Mr. Kim is studying grief counseling at your institution,
please expel him immediately. Jeez.
Episode 9: Fan service and a fairy tale
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