Welcome back. It has been suggested to me that I should not encourage my readers to spam Yang Hyun-Suk of YG Entertainment. I have taken that suggestion under advisement but make no promises. The man eliminated Asahi from the show. This cannot stand.
Moving on. We’ve got some team battles to look forward to. Battles without Asahi in them, which is an affront to all that is good in the universe. But fine. Let’s do this. (through gritted teeth) Welcome to Episode Nine.
We’re jumping right into the
team battles, as a new stage is being built.
And we will have fans in the audience!
Real fans, not just YG employees!
FINALLY!
I love the fans and the
energy they bring to these shows. This
is going to be awesome. We have our ice
castle stage, which looks bigger than before.
Our announcer welcomes everyone, and we’re starting with a performance
by the Treasure 5 Team. Of course, it’s
the “Going Crazy” signal song. Let’s
goooooo!
It’s a high-energy start, but I’m ready to battle. We learn that the 300 fans in the audience will be the Treasure Makers, voting for their favorites. They will be voting with those little calculator-things. (I miss the light stick voting devices from Boys Planet.) We find out that nine trainees will be eliminated today, leaving eleven finalists. I wonder if CEO Yang is still determined to get a final group of five.
We’re starting with Team 1,
consisting of future Treasure members Hyun Suk, Jihoon, and Yoshi, along with
Yeon Gue and Do Hwan. We get a
flashback, where we learn that YG has chosen the songs for the teams, and the
teams have to pick from the list.
Right away, I’m excited about the BTS and EXO songs. But Hyun Suk, who usually has impeccable taste, chooses the Wanna One song “Boomerang.” I’m not a Wanna One fan, but I hope this team can make that song work.
The rest of the flashback shows the Boomerang Team struggling to put a performance together, which is all part of the Flashback Formula. We get a scary moment when Jihoon lands on his knee and needs medical attention.
He insists he’s fine. I’m sure he is. Now for the battle!
I watched this twice. They performed this song better than Wanna One. You’d never know Jihoon had hurt himself. And again, I get to hear Yoshi rap. This is my new favorite performance of the whole show.
The audience votes for their favorites. Now it’s time for CEO Yang’s feedback. He says it was more amazing than he expected. Given how frenzied the audience is, he probably can’t give any criticism or the fans will drag him off the platform and beat the crap out of him with their signs. K-pop fans will defend their biases by any means necessary.
We’re getting the voting
results already for this team.
They get 647 votes. That seems kind of low for an audience of 300 who are allowed to vote for five members each, but I never know how this works. For now, Team Boomerang is in first place.
Next up, it’s the team doing EXO’s “Growl.” The future Treasure members are Junghwan and Jaehyuk, and the others are Seok Hwa, Jong Seob, and Yun Seo. Right away, we learn this is the underdog team. None of them were picked by Byoung Gon or Hyun Suk for their teams. They were left over and put together by default.
Thankfully, they get a kickass song. I’ve seen “Growl” performed on almost every show I’ve recapped, and it’s always a huge crowd pleaser. But strangely, none of the teams wanted this song, and this team isn’t happy about being stuck with it. Are they kidding? Or is this part of the Flashback Formula? They can’t be serious about not wanting to do this song.
Okay, as they go through
rehearsal, I see it’s because it’s a difficult song to do, especially with the
falsetto. At first, I think it’s all part of the manufactured drama of a
survival show. But then Jaehyuk runs into
the bathroom in tears after being scolded by both the vocal and dance
coaches. Maybe this song is too much for
this young team. It’s a beast idol song,
and they’re just kids.
Or maybe I’m being tricked by the Flashback Formula again. We watch Jaehyuk practice and improve. He’s going to give a great performance, isn’t he? They’re all going to be great, right?
Let’s find out.
They’re not quite beast idols yet, but they definitely pulled it off. The audience screams are deafening. CEO Yang looks absolutely delighted. Not bad, kids.
The fans recover enough to
cast their votes. CEO Yang tells them
this was the team with the least training – holy crap, they’ve only been
training for six to eight months, and they just pulled THAT off? Give them ALL the votes.
Well, no. They get 607 votes, putting them in second place. What is up with these fans?
Time for Team 3, who has chosen the iKON song “Dumb and Dumber,” meaning that they will unfortunately be referred to as “Team Dumb and Dumber” for the rest of the episode. Do not tell me the producers didn’t do that on purpose. Along with Byoung Gon and Yoon Bin, the team includes future Treasure members Mashiho, Junkyu, and Doyoung.
We get a flashback. We’re getting the opposite of the Flashback Formula. The dance and vocal coaches praise them to the skies at the midpoint evals. I’m suspicious. What is this show trying to pull?
Flashback over. We never get a flashback where everything goes perfectly. What is going on here?
No time to dwell on it
now. Let’s watch Team Dumb and Dumber!
It really is a dumb song, but it’s a perfect performance. Confetti rains down on the fans. The group even dances out into the audience. It’s wild and fun, and not a single thing goes wrong, WHICH STRESSES ME OUT. I’ve never seen this before. A perfect flashback followed by a perfect performance. That never happens. The other shoe must be about to drop. One of the guys is going to fall off the stage during the voting, right? Someone will slip on the confetti? Suddenly decide K-pop isn’t his thing and leave to join a monastery? WHAT HORRIBLE THING IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN?
CEO Yang wonders if Treasure 5 could possibly beat this group. I know – they’re going to get a terrible score! That must be it.
We finally see the
score. And wow.
It’s 864. They’re in first place. I’m astonished. Mark your calendars, K-pop fans. This perfect journey will never happen again on a survival show. I’m pretty sure this was an accident, and a show editor is getting fired for this.
So now all that’s left is
Treasure 5. Bang Yedam looks STRESSED.
To review: this team has future Treasure members Yedam, Jeongwoo, and Haruto, as well as Seung Hun and Keita. They’ll be doing my favorite of the four songs, “DNA” by BTS. We get a flashback, and since the last flashback really messed me up, I have no idea what to expect.
We get some drama. Yedam has to miss a lot of rehearsals because of tests at school. When did he have time to study? Do the other trainees not go to school? Something must be up. I think Yedam is really sneaking off to plan his solo career.
We cut to a confessional with Yedam. He’s stressing out over trying to fit school in with the show. This hasn’t come up before for him or any of the other trainees. He says he’s worried.
The group’s midpoint eval is with the group Winner. Yedam arrives an hour early to catch up. And, of course, he memorizes the dance in 30 minutes. Wait, no. That’s not how the flashback formula works. He’s supposed to do badly at the evals and get yelled at, and we’re supposed to wonder if he can pull it together in time for the battle. This show is so messed up, it can’t even do flashbacks right.
“Yedam is a genius,” says Doyoung. Fine. He’s a genius. I give up. Then, I swear to God, we get the members of Winner in a confessional, and they call Yedam a genius. I think my brain is actually breaking.
Showtime. Let’s see Yedam the Genius get a thousand
votes by himself and have BTS rush onto the stage and beg him to join their
group.
Honestly? It wasn’t that great. The other teams were full of energy of fire. This team did the steps well, but it just looked like they were going through the motions. I know the CEO will love it, and they’ll get ALL the votes, but I’m disappointed. It just felt low energy. The audience is screaming its collective lungs out, so I guess I’m going to be the lone dissenter here.
The votes come in. CEO Yang gives Yedam the highest praise, because of course he does. He also singles out Seung Hun for praise, which is all that poor trainee has ever wanted, so I’m happy for him.
The announcer drags out the
wait for the final vote and then cuts to commercial. The crowd sounds like it’s about to
riot. When we come back, we finally find
out the Treasure Team score.
It’s 812. The Treasure Team doesn’t get first place – Team Dumb and Dumber does. I feel a little vindicated.
This means no one from Team
Dumb and Dumber will be eliminated. They
all take their places on the Finalist platform.
That’s five spots taken, six spots left.
Only three from the second place team – Treasure 5 – can take the platform. Two will be eliminated. And just like on No Mercy’s finale, they’re not going to do eliminations with the audience there. The announcer tells the fans to watch the show to see who the finalists are. The fans find it hard to leave and start shouting for CEO Yang’s attention, demanding that all the trainees be allowed to debut. Aha – entitled behavior! Now they’re acting like Americans!
Finally, the audience leaves, and we can get on with this.
Back to Team Treasure 5, from
which two will be eliminated. So who’s
surviving? (Hint: There are three future Treasure members in
the group.) They are Yedam, Haruto, and
Jeongwoo.
Yedam, Haruto, and Jeongwoo
This is really hard on Keita and Seung Hun, who have been trainees at YG for years, and now another opportunity is gone. I know they’re both going to debut eventually and be okay, but I really feel for them right now. Keita is keeping that bright smile on his face, but Seung Hun looks ready to give up. The screen text tells us he’s been a trainee for nine years. We see a camera guy standing next to him, zooming in on his tears, and I just want to give that guy a hard shove off the stage.
In a confessional, Seung Hun asks, “What do I do with my life now?” Kid, get over to C9 Entertainment. You’ll find your CIX bandmates there.
Ugh, this industry. Okay, let’s move on.
Time to inflict emotional trauma on Team Boomerang. Only two will become finalists, and there are three future Treasure members in the group: Hyun Suk (don’t you dare cut him), Jihoon (don’t cut him either), and Yoshi (seriously, I WILL KILL YOU).
Survivor 1 is Hyun Suk. He’s been in tears this whole episode and now
almost crumples to the floor. I can’t
imagine what our guy is going through.
He barely manages to make it to the platform. Survivor 2 is Jihoon. Which means that our sweet K-pop anime
vampire and badass rapper Yoshi gets eliminated. My heart is breaking along with his.
Hyun Suk, Jihoon, and Yoshi
Only one more spot on the podium, and we still have two future Treasure members waiting, Junghwan and Jaehyuk.
Future Treasure maknae
Junghwan gets through. Jaehyuk, who
cannot seem to catch a break ever in his entire career, is eliminated.
Junghwan and Jaehyuk
The eliminated trainees leave. Our eleven stand on the platform. The announcer tells us that YG’s new group is among these eleven. Oh, no it isn’t. I can’t wait to write the final wrap-up essay explaining the total dumpster fire that finally led to the 10-member group we know, love, and take fashion advice from.
The announcer asks our CEO
how many will be in the final group. CEO
Yang says that his decision has been changing every day. Just the kind of decisive thinking we want
from a CEO. He’s finally decided the
group will have seven members. No, it
fucking won’t.
Sorry, I am fed up to here with our CEO, especially since I spent all that time trying to subliminally implant the number 10 in his head all last episode. Up10tion just sent me an invoice, and I don’t want to talk about it. We end the episode here. We have eleven finalists, seven of whom have absolutely no idea what kind of debut is in store for them.
We have a lot of ground to cover over the next few days. There’s the final episode of this show and the wrap-up, and in between all that, Starship Entertainment has a new survival show starting on YouTube. I want to recap that one as it happens.
We’ll be talking a lot. See you soon.
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