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(Written March 22, 2024)
This episode is called “3rd Debut Mission ‘Vocal Performance’ Results Revealed!” The pace is going full steam ahead, especially if we’re already going to know the winning vocal performance team after this.
Before we start, I want to correct something from my previous recap. It looks like after Yoosu and Kwangji were cut, the rankings for the remaining trainees changed, but not in any way that makes sense. Shownu is apparently Number Eight now, and Wonho is Nine. Jooheon is still Number One. I understand if everyone got bumped up one or two spots after two people were eliminated, but the new rankings are still all over the place. We don’t get an explanation, and for now, it doesn’t seem to matter.
We begin this episode with our trainees at a New Year’s Eve concert by K.will, the main judge on our panel. The venue is packed. The trainees are enjoying the show. It’s a party atmosphere and looks like a lot of fun, but suddenly No Mercy must have slipped K.will a note reminding him the they’re still filming, and he needs to be mean. He stops his concert and asks if there are any single guys in the audience, and he points to our boys when they cheer.
“Having fun?” he asks. “Yeah!” they shout.
K.will then says, “I guess it won’t be so much fun when you get eliminated, huh?” What branch of the Jersey Shore Charm School did this guy go to?
The audience laughs at our trainees, who look embarrassed and a little pissed off. Happy New Year, boys! Here’s a can of salt you can dump into K.Will’s champagne!
After the concert, the trainees gather at a café. They are in better spirits. They count down to 2015 and celebrate the new year. As they settle down, one of them says that Yoonho is going to be a fossil this year because it will be his seventh year in training. Reminder: Yoonho is nineteen. I hope his New Year’s resolution is to sign all the other guys up for lifetime AARP memberships.
They all agree that their resolution this year is to debut. It’s exciting to know that it’s going to happen for six of the trainees around that table.
They share their K-pop dream-chasing experiences. Shownu joined Starship almost a year ago. Minhyuk, Hyungwon, and Kwangji joined together. Because of the intense competition among trainees to debut, some people around this table came on to No Mercy as rivals. This is a revealing conversation, and I’m glad the show kept it in. We learn about the misconceptions they had as new trainees, how it felt to bounce from one entertainment company to another, and how it’s hard to make friends when everyone is either leaving, transferring, or debuting. (I’m reminded of Shownu and GOT7 in Episode One.)
They make a pact to debut in 2015 and leave No Mercy behind with good memories. This is both sweet and sad. A minute ago, I was happy to think that six of them will debut. Now I’m remembering that ONLY six of them will debut. And Yoonho, who will have sacrificed seven years of his life by that point, won’t be one of them. How much longer will he be able to stand being a trainee?
Right after this celebration, they return to the rehearsal rooms and find out they’re being split into the two teams we learned about last episode. So now we’re caught up in the timeline.
The teams separate and start rehearsals. We watch Shownu’s team develop their choreography. In confessionals, Wonho and his team tell us they’re nervous about competing against Shownu, since he’s the best dancer. Don’t worry, Team Two! You’re also up against three other amazing Monsta X dancers! You don’t stand a chance! (patting their heads) There, feel better?
I kid because I love. Or maybe I’m right. We watch Team Two rehearsing, and they’re having trouble jelling. While Team One gives us an amazing shot of Minkyun leaping forward, being caught by his bandmates and slingshotted back to land gracefully on his feet, Team Two keeps bumping into each other and losing the count. Poor #GUN especially struggles with the moves.
More
confessionals. Everyone on Team Two is
aware of the problem. #GUN knows he’s
dragging his team down. My heart is
sinking. I know he will eventually have
to get cut, but it’s still tough to watch.
Team One discusses
their song. They start rehearsing with a
vocal coach. Right away, the harmony is
off. They make a rule that anyone
off-key gets flicked in the forehead, and Shownu is the first to get
flicked. Then Hyungwon takes off his
coat to flick Minkyun, and he still has that sexy confidence from the last
episode. How is he still like this? Believe me, I’m not complaining.
Later, Minhyuk gets flicked, and we get our first dolphin scream! It’s all coming together, folks! They’re bonding as they take turns flicking each other for every cracked note. They will take that stage looking like they all stepped on rakes, but they will sound great.
Cut to evening. Team One has chosen a name: Ohjangnam. The closest translation I can find is “eldest son.” They are bonding as a team, eating takeout on the floor of the rehearsal space, and hanging out together. There they are. Four members of Monsta X … and Minkyun.
Moving on to Team Two, which is now Team Segyero, meaning “to the world.” They practice until 2am. Wonho stays up to keep working on music after the others go to sleep. I could never be a trainee. I love my bed too much.
The sun rises over the dorm. Team Two is now rehearsing with the vocal coach. Wonho is dealing with a sore throat, and I’m sure the late hours aren’t helping. The coach says the same thing, telling Wonho not to take responsibility for everything and to get some rest.
Wonho goes to the
doctor for his throat. He goes back to
the rehearsal rooms and dozes off during vocal warmups. Later, his group argues over the arrangement
of the song. They’re all slumped over in
their seats and arguing barely above a rasp because they’re exhausted. However, they do start to come together. #GUN likes a new melody Wonho has written and
is writing a rap for it.
When we see them
next, they are practicing the choreography, and they are energized and in
sync. Even #GUN is getting the hang of
it. Kihyun is excited and tells us Team
Two could actually win this.
Back to Team One. They have been keeping an eye on Team Two. But they’re doing great as well. Because of course they are. They’re 80% Monsta X members. (Side note: How does Minhyuk’s hair still look perfect after hours of dancing? Everyone else is sweating, and he looks like he just left the salon.)
No time for beauty tips – It’s D-Day 3! I am so excited to see “80% Monsta X” vs. “20% Monsta X”! Sorry, but we’re past the halfway mark in this series, and they’re already starting to show us what the endgame looks like, so that’s just how I’m going to be from now on.
Sadly, we have left the K-pop Thunderdome behind. I will miss it. We are at the CJ E&M Center, which Google tells me is a television station in Seoul. Wonho looks much better. Our trainees are excited. No Mercy has built them a new stage here.
And what a stage it is. It’s awesome. I love it.
Honestly, I hope the set designers at No Mercy won a bunch of awards. This stage needs its own name as well, so I shall call it the K-pop Coliseum, because “Koliseum” just looks silly.
Our boys jump up onto the stage, and the two huge LED panels in the back slide open to make the space even bigger. They get a bit emotional. Minhyuk tells us he feels like he’s closer to debuting. I want so badly to tell him that in just a few years, Monsta X will be performing at the 20,000-seat Staples Center (now the Crypto Arena) in Los Angeles, but let’s not overwhelm him. He needs to focus.
Even the judges’ table got an upgrade.
We have more
judges joining us –a total of nine now.
We watch them settle in, including our good buddy K.will. One of the new judges teases him about the
fact that he used to have dreadlocks. Please
let there be a picture. There is a
picture! Thank you, No Mercy. Here is then … and now.
One of our new judges, Ga In, says that when she used to do badly in auditions, she would curse at the judges. So she’s a little nervous now that she’s on the other side of the table. Someone show her K.will’s old photo.
The stage lights up in the K-pop Coliseum. Spotlights swirl. The LED doors open, and here come our trainees. They are ready for battle, and I am SO FREAKIN EXCITED.
One of our new
judges tells our boys that teams are about making other members shine more OH
WHO CARES JUST START THIS THING ALREADY.
Ga In says Shownu’s team has the cutest members. OK, what the hell is up with all this
flirting between the judges and the contestants? We’ve talked about this. The other judges are revealed – Giriboy,
Jooyoung, and Mad Clown, who looks as happy to be here as you’d expect.
Yay.
The new judges talk some more about teamwork and I DON’T CARE JUST SHUT UP AND START THIS.
Finally, we’re ready to begin. Shownu’s team, “80% Monsta X,” will do their vocal performance first. They bow and introduce themselves. K.will reminds Shownu how badly he did in the last mission, and I wish he still had those dreadlocks so I could use them to strangle him.
Flashback to rehearsals. This show gives me whiplash. They decide to personalize the lyrics to tell the judges a little about themselves. Jooheon talks about his mom. Minhyuk talks about his dad. Here’s where we learn that they are all the oldest sons in their families, so that’s how they come up with the name Ohjangnam.
Then they all face the camera and trash talk the other team. Minkyun has a special burn for Yoonho. “I know you’ve been training for a long time, but ten years would be better for you than six years.”
From now on, his name is Mosquito again.
Back to the Coliseum, and K.will asks Team One if they are ready. Bitch, they’ve been ready for two solid pages of my notes, and I’ve been fast-forwarding through parts. PICK. UP. THE. PACE. DREADHEAD.
We begin. The set design for Team One is amazing. Even the judges rave about it because apparently, THEY CAN’T SHUT UP FOR TEN MINUTES TO SAVE THEIR LIVES.
Team One starts singing “Officially Missing You.” The harmonies are gorgeous. Jooheon groove-raps, and his flow is perfect. The lyrics hit hard, especially when we’ve seen what they’ve been through so far just in six episodes.
Now I have to think about not only training, but my
future,
and achieving a dream that’s not guaranteed.
I’m on this stage to find my life.
Shownu and Hyungwon move to
the front to join him, and then they change the tempo to dance pop to show off
their moves. They are a solid team. Even Mosquito doesn’t look out of place among
the Monsta X members.
They sing about the rankings, the hard work, the mistakes they’ve made – they’ve made this song so personal. Minhyuk and Mosquito harmonize in the background in a heavenly sound that makes my heart swell up with joy.
They end with a “Happy New Year” to the judges. I loved it. I hope the judges do too. Let’s hear the professional criticism.
Ga In tells Jooheon how handsome he is. She can’t take her eyes off him. Thanks, Ga In. That was helpful.
When the other judges finally wrestle the microphone away from her, we hit another snag. They feel that Jooheon stole the show, and the others didn’t really stand out. OK, but don’t they need a lead vocalist? And Hwungwon had a verse to himself during the up-tempo part. They all did. I’m a little confused. It really feels like they didn’t see the same performance I did.
The reassuring news is that the judges did like the performance overall, and Shownu has redeemed himself. Team One goes back to the dressing room after the camera crew pries Ga In off Jooheon’s leg. (OK, I’m exaggerating, but she does spend the entire discussion looking like she’s trying to beam her phone number telepathically into Jooheon’s skull.)
Team Two enters the Coliseum. K.will kicks things off by asking Wonho which member of his group should be eliminated if they don’t do well. I’m guessing K.will spent his childhood burning ants with a magnifying glass. Wonho says if they don’t do well, he volunteers himself to be eliminated. This impresses the judges. Flashback time!
In rehearsals, Wonho and Crew make the same decision as Team One to personalize the lyrics to their song. Then they gather in front of the camera to do their own trash talking of Team One. And I’m sorry, but if trash talking were its own mission, Team Two would win hands-down. My favorite moment of the insult session (which they rap) is when they say, “Minkyun is a mosquito, there’s no taste in this, no one likes his voice!”
THEY’RE STILL CALLING HIM MOSQUITO, TOO. You know, I had stopped doing that earlier because I thought I was beating that joke to death. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.
Back to the Coliseum. The LED panels making up the stage turn into
a starry night sky. The group is using
rolling chairs in their choreography.
The stars swirl around them as they get up to sing.
Thirty seconds in, I know they’ve won this. The personalized lyrics still sting. “People stop saying hi, they say good luck now.” I feel that.
I see now what the judges meant in their criticism of Team One. When I remember that performance, I think of Jooheon. Team Two is an actual team. They are trading lines. No one takes all the attention. This was the purpose of the mission. Twenty percent of Monsta X understood this better than the eighty percent.
God, these lyrics. No Mercy has done a good job of letting us get to know these trainees and what they’ve been through, so I know exactly what they mean when they rap:
Everyone expects so much from me
Not like any other 19-year-olds, growing up
I’m too old to complain, past twenty already
Worries grow bigger inside me,
but my father
grows shorter each day, I want to rewind the film
This hit me harder than it would have if I’d watched it when it first aired in 2015. I’ve become very aware lately of how my parents are getting older. Imagine if I’d spent the past few years as a K-pop trainee, desperately trying to make my father proud, and watching him age before me, knowing I’m running out of time. Every trainee knows exactly what that feels like.
I need a minute.
Sorry. This song just hit me really hard, and #GUN wrote some amazing lyrics that found common ground between a Korean rapper struggling through the K-pop trainee system and a white girl in North Carolina.
OK, let’s shake this off and get back to our regularly scheduled recap. The judges like this performance better. One judge even tells #GUN he has more potential as a rapper than Jooheon. Then it takes a downturn. They like the singing, except for Seokwon and Yoonho. They were the weakest links, apparently. I didn’t notice. I’m starting to wonder if this is No Mercy doing the reality show trick of setting one of them up for elimination.
Both teams are called to the front of the stage. It’s time to pick the winner in the vocal category. The judges debate right in front of them. In the end, the vote is really close. Five to four. Wonho’s team wins. The twenty percent team.
Backstage, Shownu and Minkyuk pep talk their fellow eldest sons. They both show their strengths as leaders, not just Shownu. Minhyuk tells his dejected teammates that he doesn’t want this loss to affect their performance in the dance round. Shownu agrees, saying, “Yeah, I’m worried too, but let’s not be affected. Let’s do better next time.”
They manage to
lift the spirits of their team after this frustrating loss, which should be a
mission in itself. And I believe they
are going to own the K-pop Coliseum in the next round when I see the preview,
which highlights their slingshot move we saw in their rehearsal.
This ain’t over yet.
Episode 7: At least no one dies.
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