Wild Idol, Episode 7: Lookin’ like a true survivor.

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(Written on April 14, 2024)

My boss texted me first thing yesterday morning to tell me that she and her daughter stayed up until 2am to watch ATEEZ perform live at Coachella on the festival’s YouTube channel.  The official channel had shut down when I logged in to watch it, so I watched performances the audience members had uploaded from their cell phones.  I had to watch several, because the YouTube moderators kept taking them down for copyright infringement while I was still watching them.

ATEEZ has become another one of my K-pop obsessions.  They were not formed on one of these shows, but I love to imagine what kind of survival reality show would bring a group like that together.  Drinking games in old west saloons, actual gunfights in the streets of abandoned towns, motorcycle jumps over stadiums full of people dancing the Macarena.  Some trainees would actually get arrested during the show.  Others would get drunk, wander off, and wake up on the survival reality show for a girl group.   It would be awesome. 

Anyway, moving on.  One bit of housekeeping, because I know I’ll forget if I don’t get it out of the way now.  TAN’s fan group is called SODA because the word “tan” is the first syllable of the Korean term for soda, “tansan eumlyo.”  And true to K-pop form, SODA stands for “Special, Oxygen, Dynamic, and Adorable.” 

“Oxygen” jumps out as a strange thing to call your fan base.  How about “optimistic,” or “open,” or “original,” or even just “okay”?  I love K-pop, but the whole naming thing is bewildering.  And still can’t help calling them “Tan” instead of “T-A-N.”  I am a bad SODA.  Sorry.

Wild Idol, episode seven.  Here are the current teams, which the Tower could change as I type this:

Today’s opening montage is about animals migrating in search of food and water.  If they can’t keep up, they face death.  Then we watch an elephant drop dead of dehydration.  (We are twenty seconds into this episode.)  The rest of the herd mourns before moving on.  Okay, I get it.  We’re eliminating someone today.

Time for the singing competition and the possibility of an ARMY attack.  The first team up is Team B.  When they begin, they excite everyone because they’ve included choreography.  Jooan sings first, and he is back in the zone, lost in the song, looking like a star.  Taehoon picks it up in his higher, edgier voice, and I’m watching a TAN show.  They all sound so good. 

Even in the pouring rain, they are shining.  They don’t even seem to notice the rain.  I’m already feeling like this is the episode where things will turn around for Jooan.  The coaches are smiling from ear to ear.  The other teams look worried.

The coaches, raising their voices to be heard over the sound of the rain hitting their umbrellas, have nothing but praise.  Jooan is told his voice is amazing.  We are finally seeing confidence on his face again.  Taehoon also gets singled out for the sexy attitude he showed in the choreography.  The coaches say they felt like they were at a concert.  Me too.  I kept expecting to see lightsticks and hear fan chants.

Next up, Team D.  I like these guys, especially after the selfless act that put Jaejun in their ranks last episode.  They are nervous about following Team B.  They don’t have choreography, but The Spark sings first, and I didn’t know he sang this well.  Lovely voice.  Of course, we already knew Baby Hercules could sing. 

Jaejun’s voice is a little unsteady, and I remember he was having trouble in rehearsal because the song is too high out of his range.  When you hear him on the TAN song “Heartbeat,” you know he sounds great in his low, deeper range.  They should not have chosen this song.

The coaches do not look happy.  Towards the end, even The Spark’s voice cracks and hits a wrong note.  The wrong song can make even the most talented singers sound terrible.  You know it’s bad when the other teams look anxious on their behalf.  It also doesn’t help that all through the song, I’m hearing raindrops hit everyone’s mics.  They should have done this under a canopy or just moved it indoors.  The coaches are disappointed, saying the song’s key was too high.

Team C is up next, and we’re back to waterfall levels of rain being picked up by all the mics.  The Cadet is on this team now and has everything to prove after begging to be traded from Team A.  He does sound great.  He’s got high energy.  Unfortunately, this is a team competition, and the group looks like two main singers and two backup singers.  The coaches agree, basically telling them that The Cadet was carrying the group.  Validation for The Cadet, but bad news for the team.  Also, one of the coaches says the performance was a bit boring, which I think is harsh.  They just weren’t a team.

Now for Team A.  Time to see what they do with the notoriously difficult BTS song “Dynamite.”  I want to hear a good version of this song.  I don’t want ARMY to hurt them.  They have Hyung Seok and two members of TAN on this team.  (The Brat can go pound sand.)  Even the judges are pulling for them.

They start a little nervous, but Hyunyeop is nailing the high notes.  For the most part, their English is easy to understand.  They look great.  Like a team.  I can hear ARMY clicking the safety back on their guns.  Even the rain is letting up.

The Brat’s voice isn’t great, and I’m not just saying that because I don’t like him, but at least he’s on key.  Hyung Seok does forget some lines from the second verse.  The Brat seems to be forgetting lines too, or maybe he’s just slurring them because the English is too hard.  Twice he gets the line “I’m diamond, you know I glow up,” and slurs it.  They should have given that line to someone else.

Hyunyeop shines at the end, perfectly hitting the high notes sung by BTS’ Jimin.  Most importantly, they look like they’re having fun together.  All the other teams are dancing.  ARMY is retreating.  (If they don’t get the rented protest trucks back to Seoul by 6pm, they will lose the deposits.)

Big finish, and the coaches and panelists are clapping.  The coaches have mostly praise.  They did notice the slurred and forgotten lyrics, but they liked Hyung Seok’s rapping and the overall energy. 

Now for the team rankings.  The coaches deliberate.  Could Team A actually win this?  What a blow that would be to The Cadet.  

We get the results.  They start with last place, which is Team D.  That hurts, but I get it.  The song was out of their range.  I really want them to do better, and not just because they have two TAN guys on the team.  All four of them are talented and deserve better.

Third place:  Team C.  Wow.  The Cadet must seriously be re-evaluating his decision. 

First place …. TEAM B!  YES!  Jooan is coming out of the slump!

Which leaves Team A in second place, which isn’t bad.  They came up in the ranks by doing the hardest song and gave The Cadet something to think about.  They’re actually hugging each other and smiling.  I barely recognize some of them with smiles on their faces.

The idols return to the Tower.  It’s night now, and it looks like the rain has finally stopped.  Two coaches arrive.  One is Minzy, a female K-pop singer and rapper, and the other is our badass dance coach Lia Kim.  I love the female representation on this show full of male competitors. 

The next challenge involves the second track from this show, “Take the Free Fall.”  (Woah, this song was produced by two members of Day6 – Young K and Wonpil.  I love that band.)  This will be a team competition.  They will be rated as teams, so no more individuals trying to take the spotlight.  (side-eyeing The Cadet)

The teams get together to practice.  One of the hardest parts of the dance missions in the wild is that they don’t have mirrors.  So they have to look at their shadows.

Team A is back to getting on each other’s nerves.  Team B is focused and happy that they got Surfer Dude in the trade, since his strength is dancing. 

When it’s showtime, Team A is up first.  Right away, they start arguing over their formation.  They finally pull it together and start dancing.  It looks kind of clumsy.  They know the moves, but they’re not in sync.  They do not pass.  Lia Kim tells them to start again.  I’d forgotten – she’s the one who makes you do it over and over again until you get it right.  After a couple more attempts, Team A is sent away to practice more.

Team B’s turn.  They are way more high energy but miss some of the moves.  We watch the other teams try and get sent back for more practice.  This goes on for a while.  They keep trying and keep getting sent back.  Lia Kim would make a great drill sergeant.  We see the teams improve with each round. 

Finally, Team A is the first to pass!  I am actually happy for them.  I can see the huge improvement from their first attempt to the last.  This is the first time Team A has placed first in anything. 

Team C is the next to pass.  The Cadet loses out to his former teammates again.  Aquaman gets singled out for praise, which really makes him happy because he says he’s not the best dancer.  Team B passes next.  I’m so glad they’re not last. 

Team D can’t seem to pass, and Baby H knows it’s because of him.  They try again and again, and FINALLY, they pass.  Baby H throws off his raincoat in victory, and his shirt underneath is soaked with sweat.  Later, as his team sits and rests, he looks lost in thought.  Suddenly, he puts his head down and wipes away tears.  Our Golden

Box/Indiana Jones Idol has always kept a positive attitude, but today has been demoralizing.  He tells us that he feels terrible for putting his teammates through so many rounds until they came in last place.

The drums start up again.  It’s time for the rankings. 

Individual rankings come first.  But we’re getting the rankings without the lead vocalist points.  The rankings are displayed in Korean but not translated, so I have no idea what I’m looking at.  Gun Wook, who was in first place last time, looks bummed, so I’m guessing he’s gone down a slot or two. 

Then the Tower announces that The Cadet and Jooan placed first in the title tack singing mission.  Yay!  So now they each get to CHOOSE A TRAINEE THEY WANT TO TAKE FIFTY POINTS AWAY FROM JESUS CHRIST NOT THIS AGAIN.

(walking away from desk screaming)
(walking into bedroom screaming)
(screaming into a pillow)
(answering knock at the door while screaming)
(screaming at the nice police officer that everything is fine and my neighbors overreacted by calling 911)
(stopping screaming when nice officer threatens to tase me)
(sitting back down at computer)
(staring at screen)

I don’t want to hit the Play button.  This is the dumbest strategy ever for deciding on members of a K-pop band.  Why not have them compete in a kimchi-eating contest to see which one of them gets to be a brain surgeon?  As long as we’re being ridiculous about this.

Remember back in the No Mercy recaps, when I would get mad at the contestants for forgetting they were on a survival reality show?  Well, we have the opposite problem here.  Our wild idols know what show they are SUPPOSED to be on.  Which is why decisions like this one are so bewildering.  The showrunners keep forgetting what the goal of this show is supposed to be.

Okay, let’s hit Play so we can get this over with.

The Cadet and Jooan stare at the Tower.  Since I still can’t read Korean, I don’t know who’s at risk.  The Cadet gets to choose first, and he chooses … Changsun.  This is the second time Changsun has been robbed of points through no fault of his own.  He’s now lost a total of one hundred points.

The Cadet gets the fifty points and rises to a two-way tie for fourth place.  Changsun is now down to sixth place, and I want to go outside and burn down some trees. 

Jooan’s turn.  Apparently, he’s in 11^th place.  He chooses Gun Wook.  Jooan now slides up to third place.  I can’t read the rest of the rankings, so I have no idea where Gun Wook is now or where anyone else ranks.  How dare this Korean show on a Korean network featuring Korean idols display their rankings in Korean.  Very inconsiderate. 

But it turns out none of this matters because now the dance competition points will be factored in, so the rankings will change again. Proving yet again that this show decides on rules by getting drunk and throwing a Magic Eight Ball at the wall.

We find out that Taehoon and The Cadet were picked as winners of the dance competition, but only The Cadet gets to steal another fifty points from somebody else.  I don’t understand any of this, but the nice police officer said that if I scream and scare my neighbors again over a television show, I’ll be taken into custody.  So I will just sit here and eat cake frosting right out of the can.

Taehoon is at the top of the rankings now, so The Cadet takes fifty points from him.  I really should have bought the buttercream frosting instead of the whipped kind.  Can I get Food Lion to deliver a single can of frosting?  We’re only halfway through this series, so I should probably get more.

Now The Cadet is in 5^th place.  Taehoon falls to third place, and I should probably order some pretzels as well, and maybe a couple of frozen pizzas.  Gun Wook is back in first place somehow.  Nachos!  I need nachos.

We get a confessional with Hyunyeop, who is ranked at the very bottom.  He says, “A few days ago, we were talking about going up in the ranks together.  But everyone went up to the point where I couldn’t catch up.  When the trainee I trained with debuted, became popular, and appeared on shows, while I was still practicing in the practice room, I felt exactly the same as I do now.”

This is Shownu and GOT7 all over again, and now I just want to go to the nearest Golden Corral and face-plant myself right into the buffet.

We cut to the next day.  The idols wake up to drums and run to the Tower.  We’re getting a teamwork evaluation, and the Tower says it’s finally the last day.  The last day of what?  We’re only on Episode Seven.  I thought I had missed something, but the panelists are confused too. 

The idols, however, seem to get it.  They clap and tell us it’s the last mission and evaluation.  I don’t know what they’re so excited about.  If any of them win, someone else WILL JUST TAKE THEIR POINTS AWAY AND SCREW IT I’M JUST ORDERING ALL THE McDONALD’S ON DOORDASH.  ALL OF THEM.

The Tower explains the final mission.  The first team to successfully explain to me how to read Korean gets to be in the final group.  Wait, no.  Scratch that.  I’m on a sugar high. 

Each team has to prepare a perfect performance to the Free Fall song.  The performances will be broadcast in real time to one hundred Wild Idol judges.  Wait, what?  Where did they find one hundred people to judge this?

Okay, we get a cool map graphic that looks like fans of the show from all over Korea will be the judges.  Each judge will vote for a team. 

The idols will be divided into two teams of eight.  Since they are the top-ranked team, Team B will choose which other team will join their ranks. 

Everyone wants to work with Team B.  Changsun is suddenly the most popular guy on the show, as all the other teams beg him to let them join.  Including teams whose members HAVE ROBBED HIM OF ONE HUNDRED POINTS so far.  Both of these thieves are on Team C.

The Tower then tells them that after the mission, the trainee with the lowest ranking on the losing team will be eliminated.  Two trainees look stricken at this.  The Spark is at Number 13 and the lowest ranked member of his team.  Hyunyeop is on the same spot with his team and ranked at the very bottom.  

Team B goes into a huddle.  Changsun talks strategy.  They have to pick a team that won’t get any of their own teammates eliminated.  Ultimately, they choose Team A.  Jooan made this suggestion, not just out of strategy but also guilt.  He wants to make everything up to them. 

So this is how Hyunyeop will get saved from elimination.  The A/B Team will win, and on Team C/D, Sunghyuk and Jaejun are ranked too high for elimination.  When Team C/D loses, The Spark will be the one eliminated. 

Back on Team A, Hyunheop is overcome and fighting back tears.  Team B’s choice has given him the only lifeline he has left, and he knows it. 

Changsun gives Team A their new name tags.  Hyunyeop hugs him, and now I’m going to cry.  Then Jooan walks over and hugs Hyunyeop, and okay NOW I’m going to cry.

Team D gets their new name tags, now that they are combined with Team C.  The teams now huddle to plan their performances.  Changsun, whose team has now doubled in size, is assigning parts and working everything out like the Captain of K-pop Industry he will be someday.  He directs the choreography, already leading most of the trainees who will eventually be his bandmates, and this must be what TAN practice sessions look like.

Team C/D is having a harder time with this, and once again, it’s because The Cadet is trying to stand out from the team.  He is changing the choreography and making it more complicated.  The others are having trouble following it.  They start arguing with The Cadet.  They are wasting too much time on this and getting frustrated.

We find out the teams have been given three hours to put their performances together, and Team C/D has wasted about an hour on this formation alone.  The argument gets more heated.  The Spark has the look of someone who knows the end is near.  His fate rests in the hands of this squabbling team.

Lia Kim stops by Team A/B to check on their progress.  She has some of them move to different positions.  Now they’re confused and arguing.  The expressions on Taehoon’s and Jooan’s faces sum up how I’m feeling. 

 

This might not work out.  (I mean, I know it WILL work out because Team A/B has to win in order for TAN to come out the way it does.)  And of course, The Brat is throwing an attitude again.

Lia Kim now visits the mess that is Team C/D.  She asks to see the dance so far and is told that they actually haven’t started practicing.  Sadly, we do not get to see her reaction.  The next scene shows the team showing her the choreography.  Clearly, a scene has been cut.  I’m looking to see if anyone is bleeding or limping, anything to show how Lia Kim took the “haven’t started practicing” news.  They’re still stumbling around, unable to figure out the new choreography, so my money is on concussions. 

Finally, Sunghyuk convinces The Cadet to go back to the original choreography.  The Cadet is bummed because he wanted the judges to be able to see his choreo skills as well as his singing.  He’s thinking only of himself.  He’s not thinking about the team, and he’s definitely not thinking about The Spark.  With Lia Kim’s help, Team C/D gets back up to speed.  She walks away, I’m guessing to the nearest bar.

With thirty minutes left until the live broadcast, the camera crews are setting up.  The teams go into Final Rehearsal Mode.  Team A/B looks great, like they’ve been performing together for years.  Team C/D looks tired.  They spent too much of the rehearsal time arguing and had to start over.

The Tower announces the beginning of the live broadcast.  This is actually pretty exciting, even if I do know the outcome.  I’m excited to see the performances.

Team A/B is going first.  Changsun introduces his team to the viewing audience, and he is calm and charismatic in front of the camera.  Then, they get into formation and begin.

Jooan is singing lead.  The movements look like I’m watching a TAN performance.  There’s a countdown in the lyrics, and it reminds me of “Walking on the Moon.”  Even Hyunyeop looks joyful.  Yes, they’re competing for something they want more than anything else in the world, but right now, they look like they’re having the time of their lives.

The online judges are clapping.  Most of them are wearing COVID masks, so I can’t see their expressions.  But it was a wonderful, exhilarating performance. 

Now for Team C/D.  Sunghyuk tells us in a confessional that he wants his team to appeal to the audience with their energy, charm, and “desperateness” (according to the translation).  He is very nervous introducing his team to the cameras.  He also tells the broadcast audience they are desperate, so please vote for them.  I’m cringing.  Please stop using the word “desperate.”  I know they’re using another word in Korean, so I’m hoping it doesn’t carry the same meaning as the English translation.

They begin, and right away, they look better than they did in rehearsals.  Even Baby H looks like he’s having fun.  Jaejun isn’t struggling for the notes this time.  They are high energy and having fun, right up until the final shot in front of the cameras.  Instead of just smiling, they hold up a note asking for support and votes, which kind of looks like a hostage video.  “Vote for us or we shoot this guy.”

The performances are done, and I think this is going to be a lot closer than I originally thought.  The Tower tells the judges to vote, which they do by writing their choices on paper and holding it up to the screen. 

Night falls.  The idols gather around the Tower to hear the results.  Turns out it was a close vote, 53-47.  Wow.  The winning team is, of course, Team A/B.  Hyunyeop is one step closer to not watching other trainees around him debut while he remains alone in practice rooms.  

And then there’s The Spark.  Team C/D closes ranks around him and console him.  I knew he’d get cut eventually, but I am sad to see him go.

The Tower tells Yoon Jae Chan (The Spark) that it’s time for him to go back to the tent and pack his things.  Now, both teams surround him to hug him goodbye.  We can hear him sobbing. 

I looked him up.  He is now acting in K-dramas.  I couldn’t find a whole lot of information about him, but at least he’s making progress in his career.  He didn’t give up.

Baby H is hyperventilating and crying.  His teammates are trying to calm him down.  He and The Spark had become really good friends.  He feels guilty, wondering if his team would have won if he had just given a better performance.  I know it’s not his fault.  He’s not the one who wasted time trying to change the choreography so he could stand out individually. 

Once Baby H is breathing normally again, the remaining fifteen trainees gather around the Tower.  It’s time for the updated individual rankings.

We start at the bottom half of the rankings.

Number 8.  A three-way tie.  Surfer Dude, Baby H, and Aquaman.

Number 11.  Sunghyuk.  He’s dropped way down.

Number 12.  Ki Joong.  The one guy I cannot get a read on.  I’m not even sure which one he is.  I see him in confessionals, and I forget him immediately. 

Number 13.  A tie between Hyung Seok and Jiseong.

Number 15.  Hyunyeop.  Still at the very bottom, but he’s still here, dammit.

Now we go to the top half of the rankings. 

Number 7.  The Brat.  Pause for groans.

Number 6.  Jaejun.  Hanging in there.  Not a bad showing after the disaster with the song in the wrong key.

Number 5.  The Cadet.  He needs to be eliminated next, and he can take The Brat with him.

Number 4.  Gun Wook.  He seems like an okay guy, but he’s stolen points from Changsun and needs to go.  I know the Tower told him to do it.  I don’t care. 

Number 2.  A tie between Taehoon and Changsun.  So … oh my God … that means … 

NUMBER ONE IS JOOAN.

Our indie artist went from the very top to the very bottom, and then back to the top again.  Amazing.  I think we can retire the Michael Jackson song, and I know exactly what Jooan’s new theme song should be.

The Tower reminds them that only seven will debut.  Also, the points they earn from now on will be accumulated until the moment the show finalizes the members for the debut.  The team missions are over.

We close with a stage performance of “Take the Free Fall,” which I’m sure is great, but I’ve taken fifteen pages of notes and need to vacuum up all these pretzel crumbs.

Episode 8:  Song of the Wild Idols

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