Shining SOLO, Episode 8: Everything is terrible.

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(Written September 6, 2024)

It’s Manly Man Sports Day!  Will our guys prove their charms by doing the sports?  Will insects attack again?  Will the guys be required to do the sports while initiating conversations at the same time?  Let’s find out!

The one-on-one lunch dates are over, and classical music fills the glamping site again.  Yoshi reads the mission – they need to split into two teams and begin the ultimate charm and stamina showdown.

Jeong Woo is smirking.  He tells us, “When I heard it was about stamina, I thought I could show off my charms, since I really like sports.”  Yoshi, on the other hand, looks worried.  He agrees that physical strength is a charm that appeals to women, and he says he’s up to the challenge, but he doesn’t sound very convincing.

We get an unnecessarily long sequence of teams being chosen.  We end up with Team Sooo and Team Yoshi And The Kids.  We begin with the long jump.  The women will not participate in this, because you know how we women are, unable to jump because of our ovaries getting in the way and whatnot.  Team Sooo wins this event.

Next up, “mini” soccer.  With a cute name like this, of course the women can play.  I am NOT bitter.  Shut up. 

They do the soccer thing for a while, and then Min Ji steps to the sidelines to re-tie her shoelaces.  Doyoung notices and stands in front of her to protect her from the ball.  New girl Min Ye notices this and tell us she finds it charming.  During halftime, Jeong Woo brings bottles of water to the women because apparently they’re too weak and feminine to GET IT THEIR OWN DAMN SELVES, and I’m sorry, I just hate this.  Team Sooo wins the soccer match, so let’s move on. 

Time to choose today’s MVP.  The boys close their eyes while the women stand behind their MVP choice.  Of course, Min Ji plants herself behind Hyun Suk immediately.  The other girls run around giggling as they make their choice until I’m ready to throw a rock through the screen.  Eventually, even Min Ji changes her mind as all the girls line up behind Jeong Woo.  He was on the losing team, but sure.  Whatever ends this.

The girls say they were judging him based on how open and enthusiastic he was today and how he brought everyone water.  As MVP, tonight while the other men prepare dinner, he will get a one-on-five date with the women.  He’s told to use his charm to appeal to the women.  Jeong Woo really needs to get a jewel, so he can’t wait for this.

As evening falls over the glampsite, Jeong Woo’s bandmates gather around him and send him off to meet the women, whooping, whistling, and carrying on like they’re sending him to a brothel to lose his virginity.  He looks seriously stressed out.  This poor guy.  Don’t the other guys have a dinner they’re supposed to be cooking?

Jeong Woo joins the women around a glampfire.  He takes a long drink of something I hope contains alcohol.  He sets it down, turns to the women, and initiates a conversation by saying, “You guys voted yesterday, right?”

Um … Jeong Woo, whatcha doing?

The women cautiously say yes.  He asks if they know all the results, as in who got jewels and who got recorders.  They say they don’t, and I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.  They could have told each other, but if they didn’t, they wouldn’t know.  And Min Ye just got here and hasn’t voted yet.

Jeong Woo keeps going.  “Actually, my honest feeling was I hoped I would have at least one jewel.  With that in mind, I opened the cabinet.  Instead, I got three voice recorders.”

This feels a bit petulant, Jeong Woo.  You’re supposed to be trying to behave in a way that gets you jewels, not complain about the recordings.  Yes, you got some unfair comments, but bringing it up isn’t going to help.

Everyone is laughing it off, but the three women who left him recorders are avoiding eye contact.  Jeong Woo keeps going, saying he knows which members of his group got jewels, because of course they talk.  He says it would have hurt less if someone had gotten two jewels so he wouldn’t have been the only one to get none.  “But everyone got one except for me,” he says.

Okay, Jeong Woo, this is the show you signed up for.  And your three voice recorders were given to you in a secret vote, so you didn’t have to share that embarrassment with the girls.  Have you forgotten what your bandmate Jae Hyuk went through in the Part 1 final vote?  That was in public.  Maybe change the subject to something more positive, because complaining like this isn’t exactly charming.

But no, Jeong Woo keeps going.  He tells the girls that after he got the three recorders, he went home, laid down, and cried.  I don’t understand what he thinks he’s doing.  Is he trying to get an apology?

Min Ji points out that he went on to get five votes today for MVP.  She’s right.  That’s what he needs to be focused on.  The women just did him a huge favor with this vote.  I can’t believe Jeong Woo is making me side with Min Ji.

Seung Ji asks him, “What do you think your charm is as a man?”  He says he can take care of others well.  She then asks how he thinks the next two days will go, and I like how she’s leading him away from the self-pity and into a plan of action.

Or at least she’s trying to.  Jeong Woo says it will depend on the activities they do.  Oof.  Wrong answer.  No matter what activities are set up on this show, the one thing you can control is your attitude.

Min Ye asks him what activities he likes to do.  He says singing.  Okay, but this is a show about getting out of your comfort zone.  We know you can sing.  Can you try something new, like maybe getting over yourself?

Thankfully, we cut to the other guys preparing dinner.  They stop when they hear singing coming from the glampfire date site.  It’s Jeong Woo singing to the girls.  We cut back to them, and the girls are all clapping and oohing and aahing over his singing, and I’m officially done.  The girls applaud in amazement when he finishes, and I just want Jae Hyuk to stomp onto the set and hit his bandmate with a mic stand.

What’s even more frustrating is how the girls tell us in confessionals how Jeong Woo has really improved today, and he’s more confident and charming and (screams into a pillow for ten minutes).

When we come back from the confessionals, Jeong Woo is singing again while the girls sway and look at him adoringly.  When will this segment end?

We cut back to the bandmates, and Jung Hwan looks how I feel.  Doyoung can’t believe Jeong Woo played the singing card.  The guys agree that their singing bandmate will get all the jewels, and they don’t stand a chance.  Since the women seem to have fallen for it, I’m afraid they’re probably right.

Jeong Woo and the girls rejoin the group.  They grill meat at the table, and the whole meal looks really good.  The other band members are bending over backwards to be attentive and caring and helpful because they have to compete with the singing charms of Mr. Bruised Ego.  (screams into a pillow for 10 more minutes)

While I was screaming, a thought occurred to me.  I’m watching these bandmates fall all over themselves to be charming – pouring drinks, asking if anyone needs more food, etc.  And I realize they’re doing this just to get jewels from the girls.  The point of this show is “how to be nice to girls so they will give you things.”  Doyoung brings Min Ji a Coke, and now she’s in a confessional talking about how charming and considerate he is.  For bringing her a Coke.  Aim high, sister.

During dinner, the girls tell the guys that Jeong Woo told them he was the only one who didn’t get a jewel.  Hyun Suk’s reaction is 100% correct:

The girls ask who got the fourth voice recorder.  Jung Hwan raises his hand, which is fine because he was asked directly.  I’m surprised that he doesn’t know for sure who gave it to him.  Do these women sound that much alike?  Because I don’t speak Korean, I can’t distinguish regional accents or the kind of vocal differences   I can easily hear in English.  

Ji Soo does cop to giving Jung Hwan the recorder, and he has a sense of humor about it.  The maknae has a less fragile ego than his older brother in this group.  Still, Ji Soo feels the need to backtrack and apologize, and I can’t scream anymore because my voice is gone and my neighbors have threatened to call the police.

Finally, the midnight bell tolls over the glamping site.  Thank God.  The production crew has moved the lockers out here.  We now have five jewels and five recorders.  We also have footage of a lot of sporting activities we didn’t get to see earlier, which is fine with me.  This is not shaping up to be my favorite episode.

The women do the voting thing, and then I guess they get on the bus and leave.  First up to check his locker is Doyoung. Last time, he got one jewel from Ji Soo.  This time, he opens his locker and gets … one jewel.  Was it Ji Soo again?  We the viewers see that it was actually Ha Yul who gave him the jewel this time.  Last time, Ha Yul gave her jewel to Yoshi.  I’m just glad she didn’t fall for Jeong Woo’s emotional manipulation.

Next up, Yoshi.  Last time, he got one jewel from Ha Yul.  Today, he gets one jewel … and THREE VOICE RECORDERS.  I’m glad that’s another jewel that didn’t go to Jeong Woo, but what the hell?

Okay, let’s unpack this.  We’re shown that the jewel is from Min Ji.  I’m pleasantly surprised by this.  Now for the criticism.

Recorder 1:  It’s Min Ye.  “I’ll go with Yoshi.  Whether it was during sports, or just in general, he seems like he has a lot of talent and skills.  But when we had a deep conversation on the bus, he mentioned feeling a lack of confidence, which stayed with me.  So maybe Yoshi is too hard on himself and can’t easily satisfy himself.  The type that’s hard on themselves, that’s what I thought about him.  Acknowledging one’s strengths and being kinder to oneself might make one more attractive as a person and as a man.  That’s why I gave the voice recorder to Yoshi.”

Jeez.  I thought Min Ji was long-winded.  They definitely need time limits on these recorders.  Also, Yoshi let himself be vulnerable with this woman he just met, and she used it against him.

Yoshi actually defends himself, and I want to give him a hug.  He tells us, “I honestly told her up front that I lack confidence, but that honesty turned out to be a poison.”

This is awful.  These guys are criticized for not starting conversations, and then starting them and saying the wrong things, which I know is what I accused Jeong Woo of earlier, but Yoshi was being vulnerable in this case.  He may never speak to anyone again.

Okay.  Let’s get the rest of this over with.

Recorder 2:  It’s Seung Ji.  “I chose Yoshi.  I know he’s introverted.  When we played games today, I think he showed a lot of charm through actions.  But I didn’t really see him initiating a conversation with the women or trying to get to know them more.  And when I tried to initiate a conversation or compliment him because I wanted to talk to him, he didn’t really show any reactions or respond to me, and the conversation was kept very short.  That’s why I chose Yoshi.”

Yoshi feels awful because he remembers this incident and says he was distracted.  Remember in the Secret Open Chat when he said he was often misunderstood?  Yeah.  I see it now.

Recorder 3:  It’s Ji Soo.  “The man who lacked charm the most today was Yoshi.  Yoshi really tried hard in sports and other things.  I get that we were on different teams, but I feel like we talked the least today.  He seemed quite passive, so I chose him.”

At least she kept it short.

Yoshi is downright neurotic right now, confessing there were about three people he didn’t get to talk to today.  So now, not only does he need to make sure he initiates conversation with every single woman, he has to make sure he doesn’t say anything bad about himself, and at the same time, he doesn’t want to brag, and here, Yoshi, I’m just going to FedEx you some pillows to scream into.  It’s quite cathartic.

Okay, next up is maknae Jung Hwan.  Last time, he got a jewel from Seung Ji and a recorder from Ji Soo.  He’s a nervous wreck and has to sit down and breathe deeply before opening his locker.

Jung Hwan gets two jewels and two voice recorders.  Okay, that means there’s one jewel and no voice recorders left.  Guys, someone’s locker is going to be empty.  We have two people and one jewel left.  I can’t believe that hasn’t happened before.

Back to Jung Hwan.  The jewels came from Ji Soo and Min Ye.  Now for the criticism.  Let’s buckle up.

Recorder 1:  It’s Min Ji.  “I didn’t get to talk much with Jung Hwan, be it yesterday or today.  I haven’t seen that side of him yet.”

Well, that was thankfully brief.

Recorder 2:  It’s Ha Yul.  “We were on different teams today, so we didn’t get time to get to know each other.  I wonder what other charms Jung Hwan might have.  Unexpected charms.  It would have been nice to discover more of that.”

Unexpected charms?  You want unexpected?  I don’t know what more you want from these guys, ladies.  It was hard enough for this one to overcome his shyness and carry on a conversation.  Now he has to worry about surprising you every day.  Tomorrow, I’d love to see Jung Hwan show up in tap shoes and a top hat, singing “Ragtime Gal.”

Our maknae is a bit frustrated because he was on a different team from both women and didn’t have much of a chance to show his charms, expected or otherwise.  These poor guys.  And I thought the guys in Part 1 had it bad.

Jeong Woo’s turn.  Moment of truth.  He opens his locker to find … nothing.

This is HARSH.  I didn’t like his behavior today, but I wanted him to get a voice recorder telling him to put on some big boy pants.  At least it would have been SOMETHING.  This is not helpful at all.

Jeong Woo is confused.  What is he supposed to do now?  He has nothing to react to.

Jeong Woo stands there, stunned, and I feel horrible for him.  I don’t like seeing people get hurt and embarrassed like this on television.  K-pop shows can be especially cruel, and this isn’t even a survival reality show.

The show gives us confessionals with some of the women.  Min Ji is asked why she didn’t give him a jewel.  She says she thought about it, and it was a real struggle.

Again, I’m being forced to defend Min Ji.  Jeong Woo was not being charming.  He was being petulant and entitled. 

Ji Soo says, “I didn’t directly feel the charm.” 

Seung Ji says, “During singing and chatting, I thought I saw a lot of charm.  But then again, during dinner, his presence seemed to diminish.”

Wait, what?  No.  That’s really not fair.  For an introvert, the singing and chatting would have taken a lot out of him.  You can’t expect him to keep entertaining you all during dinner.  You’re not a child at a birthday party.

We get a confessional with Jeong Woo, and he’s asked why he was quiet during dinner.  He says he was out of energy.  He had used it up during the one-on-five date.  He needed time to recharge.  He does try to be optimistic, saying he’ll do his best tomorrow.  I’m just worried that he thinks doing his best will mean more complaining about the votes.

We have a couple more minutes left in this episode, and here comes Hyun Suk.  We all know what’s in his locker.  It’s a jewel from Seung Ji.  He deserves it, and I’m happy for him, but I’m just emotionally exhausted by this whole episode.

Now ends a truly frustrating episode in this series.  Until next time:

1. What other unexpected charms should Jung Hwan spring on the women tomorrow?  Playing ping pong on a unicycle?  Reciting the entire script of the movie Parasite from memory?  Breaking chopsticks with his butt?
   
   
2. How many years will Yoshi spend in therapy after this show? 
   
   
3. Would it be better if the women had to give the criticism face to face?  (Yes.  The answer is yes.)

See you next episode.

Episode 9:  Women, amirite?

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