Shining SOLO, Episode 9: Women, amirite?

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(Written September 8, 2024)

Well.  That was a rough episode.  Why would YG Entertainment put their own group through this?  And for Jeong Woo, how much worse can it get?  I’m almost afraid to hit Play on this episode.

(deep breath)  Here we go.

The women arrive at the house first, looking fabulous.  They decide to take the couches the guys usually sit in, because why not, they’ve already taken their self-esteem and sense of dignity and any hope of feeling confident when talking to a woman ever again.

What, too dark?

The girls talk about how much they love the house.  The boys arrive, and as soon as they sit down, classical music fills the air.  Okay guys, let’s do this.

Hyun Suk reads the mission:

Today is Secret Day.  Guys, please board the designated vehicles now.  Hyun Suk is in Car 1, Yoshi and Doyoung are in Car 2, and Jeong Woo and Jung Hwan are in Car 3.

Hyun Suk wonders why he’s separated from his bandmates.  Whatever the reason, the girls are supposed to join the vehicle containing the guy they’d like to spend the Secret Day with.  Each vehicle can hold up to four people. 

The girls immediately point out that one car may wind up with no girls.  I’m worried that in the cars with two guys, the girls who join them may just want to be with one of them, making the other guy a third wheel.  Seriously, does YG Entertainment hate their own band?

The guys go outside to the three SUVs, get in their assigned ones, and wait for the girls to come out and crush what’s left of their dignity.  Inside, the girls make a show of struggling with the decision.

We see Hyun Suk in his car, looking amazing in a slightly oversized suit with a school uniform blazer and glasses.  I would get in his car and demand he take me clothes shopping.  He’s talking to the camera, wondering why he’s so nervous about this mission.  “I’m actually feeling sad,” he tells us.  “But I am strong.  Life is meant to be lived solo anyway.  How to enjoy it alone, how to navigate it.”  He’s talking himself up in case he doesn’t get chosen.  We’re five minutes into this episode, and already I want to die.

Seung Ji is the first one to walk outside.  She passes Hyun Suk’s car and heads right for Yoshi and Doyoung.  She hops in and sits next to Yoshi.

Seung Ji says she’s here because she wants to talk to Yoshi.  Remembering her comments on his recorder, he apologizes for yesterday and says he was distracted.

Now it’s Ji Soo’s turn.  She immediately goes to Hyun Suk’s car and peers into the tinted windows, trying to see him.  She calls his name.  This is the woman he had a really good lunch date with yesterday.  I’m hoping these two will get a chance to talk again, especially since I wanted to hear more about her hesitation to continue with dancing.

So what does Hyun Suk do?  He looks away and doesn’t respond or open the door.  The subtitles tell us he’s embarrassed.  What?  He knows her.  He should feel comfortable enough with her not to be embarrassed.  Again, there may be a cultural thing I’m missing, but the only conclusion my Western mind can draw is that he doesn’t like her, or at least just doesn’t want to spend the day with her.

It gets harsher.  The windows may be tinted, but she can tell she’s been rejected.  Despite the fact that she’s probably feeling hurt, she keeps a smile on her face and moves on to the other two cars.  To which I say GOOD FOR HER.  I hope she has an amazing day with whomever she spends it with.

She peers into Yoshi and Doyoung’s car.  We cut back to Hyun Suk, who says to the camera, “Ji Soo, I wasn’t avoiding your gaze.  I hid because I thought you couldn’t see me.

I sat blinking at the screen when he said that.  He’s not apologizing for hiding.  He’s apologizing for her seeing him hide.  I have no idea what’s going on with him, but fortunately, Ji Soo chooses Yoshu and Doyoung’s car and is enthusiastically welcomed.  “I came for the snacks!” she says gaily.  Ladies, take note.  This is how you handle rejection.  You keep your head up and move on.

Both Yoshi and Doyoung are happy, especially Yoshi. He can now talk to two women who left voice recorders in his locker. 

Back in the first car, Hyun Suk is upset that he’s not getting selected.  Dude, you know I adore you, but this was completely your own fault.

Next up is Ha Yul.  I love her outfit.  I’m hoping she chooses the car with Jung Hwan and Jeong Woo because she’s left voice recorders for both guys.  She needs facetime with them.  But she goes straight for Yoshi and Doyoung’s car and finds it already full.  She moves on to Hyun Suk’s car.  Here’s another chance for him to behave like a decent human being.

Ha Yul is more assertive, actually opening the door instead of peering through the window.  Hyun Suk is happy to see her and offers blurry bags of snacks.  He tells us in a confessional he’s happy she chose his car.  Well, she chose another car first, but okay.  As annoyed as I am with him right now, I’m relieved that he’s not spending the day alone.

Meanwhile, Jung Hwan and Jeong Woo are bummed out in their car.  I really hope at least one girl chooses them instead of getting stuck with them because the other cars are full.

Min Ye is the next to emerge from the house.  She immediately goes to Hyun Suk’s car and gets in.  This is not looking good for Jung Hwan and Jeong Woo. 

Min Ji is the last one out of the house.  She goes right to Yoshi and Doyoung’s car and finds it full.  So now she runs to Jung Hwan and Jeong Woo’s car.  She gets in, and they’re all awkward.  Jung Hwan sits next to her, so it looks like Jeong Woo, who has experienced enough indignities on this show, is the third wheel.  But she has given voice recorders to both guys, so now’s her chance to talk to them in person.  

The cars move out to begin the Secret Day Mission.  Jung Hwan and Min Ji are chatting away while Jeong Woo sits quietly in the back row.

Right away, Jung Hwan screws up conversationally because he forgot Min Ji is a ballet dancer.  She’s insulted.  This is a very bad start.

Their car pulls up to a roller skating rink.  The show tells us roller rinks are the iconic symbol of retro for Gen Z.  As a Gen Xer who grew up going to roller rinks, I now feel ancient.  I always love when my childhood memories are called retro.  Jung Hwan tries to make up for his earlier mistake by helping Min Ji get her skates on.  He also helps with her wrist pads, knee pads, and everything else the show’s insurance policy is probably insisting on.

The three of them are not confident skaters.  As they struggle to stay on their feet, members of the show’s production team stay close.  But because the show doesn’t want to show the production team members on camera, they are blurred, making them look like ghosts of people who died at the rink and are now haunting the place.

Jeong Woo gets the hang of it and speeds around, trying to show off.  This date is going to end with an ambulance ride, isn’t it?  I can hardly bear to look.  It finally occurs to our speed demon that he can use his skating skills to get facetime with Min Ji, so he comes back and starts teaching her how to skate.

After a few laps, our trio sits awkwardly in the snack bar area with drinks and glow sticks.  The rink is empty and dead quiet.  I understand that playing music over the PA would interfere with the show’s audio, but couldn’t they have some blurry extras skating around and talking?  Anything to lighten up the atmosphere?

Now we check out what’s going on with Yoshi, Doyoung, Ji Soo, and Seung Ji.  It’s hard to follow the conversation when two couples are talking at once, but it sounds like they’re talking about the votes and who’s been getting jewels and recorders.  At least Yoshi is being positive about it, saying he learned a lot by listening to the recorders.

Their car pulls up to the date site.  It’s a sauna.  The show tells us that Gen Z considers the charcoal kiln sauna to be a trendy rural escape, and I’m pretty sure even Gen Z viewers of this show are demanding to see the raw data backing up this claim.  Doyoung says it’s a place to sweat it out, drink sweet rice drinks, eat baked eggs, go to the ice sauna, and then take a nap.  This sounds like the absolute worst date ever.  

Yoshi does not seem thrilled about this date idea.  He says a sauna is a place he usually goes with the guys.  Nobody in this car looks happy.  I wouldn’t blame any of them for jumping out and flagging Hyun Suk’s car down.

But our group decides to make the best of it.  They sit in the sauna with their rice drinks and boiled eggs.  Yoshi and Seung Ji get roasted sweet potatoes out of an oven in the middle of the sauna, and I have no idea what’s going on here.  But they do seem to be enjoying themselves, so … yay, I guess?

They go back to talking about jewels and voice recorders.  Doyoung tries to guess who’s been giving him jewels and then asks both girls to give one to Yoshi, which I guess is sweet.  I’m glad when they change the subject to first impressions of each other.  Deyoung liked that Ji Soo was smiling.  Yoshi said she looked like a rich girl.  Yoshi, ever anxious, is second-guessing everything he says.

This whole thing is making me anxious, too.  Dating has always stressed me out.  I’m glad when we switch over to Hyun Suk, Ha Yul and Min Ye.  They go to a café, which is a much better date location.  They order food that looks way better than boiled eggs and sweet potatoes.  Hyun Suk is being the perfect gentleman, making sure the girls have everything they need and passing napkins and other items around the table.  I don’t know where this guy was earlier when Ji Soo was trying to get into the car, but he’s here now.

Min Ye asks about his outfit, and finally, this is the date conversation I’ve been waiting for.  She says he looked flashy yesterday for the sports day, and he’s more clean-cut today.  Hyun Suk says he usually dresses as a maximalist, mixing styles and patterns, like how we first saw him on Day One.  Ha Yul says he pulls off the shiny, glittery style well.  Honestly, I think he looks good in anything. 

But then the talk goes back to the votes.  Hyun Suk comes right out and asks if either woman has ever given him a jewel.  We know he’s gotten jewels from Min Ji and Seung Ji, neither of whom are sitting here.  Of course, the girls don’t know where his jewels came from, so now he asks Ha Yul who got her lollipop in the first impression vote.  She cops to giving it to him.  He then asks Min Ye whom she would have given a first impression lollipop to when she first showed up on the bus, and she says Doyoung, because she liked the coat he was wearing.  I have no idea how to respond to that.  I guess that’s fair, since I had the same reaction to Hyun Suk on Day One.

FINALLY, everyone returns to the house.  No sooner do they arrive than classical music fills the house again.  I would need a serious nap after the Secret Day Mission, especially if I’d been on the sauna date, but the show seems to realize it’s running out of time and only has one and a half episodes left.  Off to the Stairway Mailbox to get a new mission.  Tonight, they will play the Truth Game to reveal each other’s thoughts.

How is the Truth Game different from the Secret Open Chat?  The boys and girls write down questions they have about the opposite sex and submit them anonymously for discussion.  These answers are just going to make me sad again, aren’t they?

Everyone gathers in the living room, and the first question is directed at Doyoung.  “If you had one more day to charm your way to becoming Mr. Treasure, what would be your plan for the day?”

Doyoung says they’d spend the day at the gym.  He’d show off his mad weightlifting skills, do some sports, and then he and the girls would go out to eat.  The girls say they haven’t had the chance to see him exercise.  They were all at the field day sports thing, weren’t they?  Never mind.  Doyoung takes the bait and drops and gives them ten clapping push-ups.  The girls cheer and clap and marvel at his manliness, and I watch my faith in humanity fizzle out like a sparkler in the rain.  When Doyoung finishes and stands up, the show tells us that he completely nailed the charm appeal.  Sure, show.  Whatever you say.

The second question is also to Doyoung.  “What do you think are your two best charms?”  In keeping with the macho theme, I’d love to see him respond by flexing his arms, kissing each bicep, and saying, “Meet my two best charms, Super and Junior.”  But no, he says something about his serious side and his playful side both being charming, which is an answer l like better than the push-ups.

The next question is for maknae Jung Hwan.  “Is there one thing where you can say you’re better than the older members?”  His answer is also about exercise, because he can’t be outdone by Doyoung.  He says he’s good at gymnastics.  The girls pout that there’s not enough room to demonstrate, but he says he can do it.  He’s going to do some Taekwondo moves.

He does an admittedly impressive jump kick while the girls gasp in admiration.  This is definitely as depressing as I thought it would be.

Next question is for Yoshi.  “What’s your secret weapon for charming someone?”  Yoshi struggles with the question for a few seconds and then says, “My fashion sense and proportions.”  I’ll give him that.  Unfortunately, no one asks him to get up and demonstrate runway modeling. 

Next question is for Jeung Woo.  “How close do you think you’ve gotten with the women in the house?”  I’d love it if he smiled brightly and said, “Close enough for them to stab me in the back, apparently!”  But of course, no. 

We’re shown that Min Ji wrote this question, and she expects the answer to be that he’s grown 60-70% closer to the women.  But Jeong Woo says he’s 35% closer to them now.  I think that’s a fair answer, given his experiences on this show.  He’s learned that even when he puts himself out there, he can’t get the response he was hoping for.  When Min Ji asks if he’s sure about the percentage, he raises it to 40%, but that’s as high as he’ll go.  Min Ji, you’re the one who left a long, vague criticism in his locker in the first vote.  Maybe back off.

Hyun Suk is asked which members of the group would he introduce to his sister, and I sincerely hope his sister would be confident enough to tell her brother to piss off while she talks to any of the members she wants.  He answers either Jung Hwan or Jeong Woo, because he trusts his maknae with his sister, and she can sing with Jeong Woo.  Is this episode over yet?

No, because it’s time for the girls to answer questions, and here’s where things take an even more frustrating turn.  These questions are directed to all the girls in general.  I don’t know how to unpack that.  I guess when you talk to one girl, you’ve talked to them all.  Proceed.

First question:  “Is there a specific act you like from guys?”  We get a standard answer from Ha Yul that she likes a good listener who makes eye contact and shows that he’s really paying attention.  This is strange, since the women have spent the whole show complaining that the guys weren’t initiating conversations, but moving on. 

Next question.  “What’s the most important factor when choosing the final Mr. Treasure?”  Min Ji gives an answer that stops me in my tracks.  She says she’ll probably choose the first person who comes to mind.  She says four days is not enough time to really get to know these guys, so she’ll just give the jewel to the first guy that pops into her head.

The fact that no one on the production team yelled CUT and told her to try again, or that this wasn’t edited out in the first place, tells me no one on this set was paying attention.  The members of Treasure just accept this as an acceptable answer instead of demanding to know why they’ve been bending over backwards for four straight days just to have her play mental eenie-meanie-miney-moe at the end.  Maybe they’re just nodding along and waiting for this show to be over so they can go back to not speaking to women ever again.

The next question simply reads, “Looks vs. someone with a compatible sense of humor.”  These are their only two options?  I’d love for one of them to say, “Someone with money, of course!”  But no, they know the right answer is to choose the sense of humor, so they choose the sense of humor.  

The next question is, “Do you like dramatic surprise events with flowers or balloons?”

Seung Ji says she likes romance and surprises, but some of the women disagree.  I’m pleasantly surprised to hear the women express differences of opinion on something.  This is when the guys decide that understanding women is tough.  I’m not joking about this – they say that women are difficult to understand because they don’t all agree on the same things.  It’s like we’re human beings or something.

Next question:  I don’t care.  I’m done with this, and thankfully it’s the last question and the episode ends.

For next time, I’m helping the men out with just a couple more questions for the women:

1. So, do women like food and stuff?
   
   
2. If I keep nodding and agreeing with you, will you give me a jewel?

 

Only one more episode of this, folks.  Fighting!

Episode 10 (Finale):  Once More Unto the Bridge

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