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(Written on March 19, 2024)
No Mercy’s title for this episode is (deep breath) “Rap Part No. 1 After the 2nd Debut Mission? Who is the Winner of the 2nd Debut Mission Rap Part?”
I came up with a better title (see above). No Mercy, please let me write your titles. You’re bad at this. You stick to being mean and cruel and breaking our hearts.
Let’s do this. We ended Episode 3 on a low point, as evidenced by my root beer and jellybean hangover. Now we are focusing on the rap battles. If any of the rappers are wearing sailor hats, I will officially quit this series.
But wait – we’ve been faked out (something that will happen more than once in this episode). We’re not starting with the rap battles. We are starting with Minhyuk vs. Seokwon!
Come on, Minhyuk. You can do this.
Seokwon tells us
that the judges are not happy after that previous performance. So now, not only do he and Minhyuk have to do
battle, they also have to get the judges back on track emotionally. They have their work cut out for them.
Our boys are ready. They greet the judges with their team name: High Numbers. Right away, I have hope. The judges want to know what High Numbers thought of the previous performance. That question puts our boys in a tough spot. But Minhyuk has a great save. He says, “Shownu and Kihyun didn’t do a good job, and I’m worried the atmosphere might affect our reviews. But since you’re pros, I believe you’ll all be fair.”
I am so proud of Minhyuk right now. And the judges LOVE his answer. They are HOWLING with laughter over the way he flipped the script on that judge.
The judges compliment High Numbers on their skill of appealing to the audience, which is an understatement if I’ve ever heard one. I am so ready for this performance. But first, of course, we get another flashback.
Minhyuk and Seokwon are in the rehearsal room, trying to choose a song. They decide to ask the other trainees for suggestions. They go to Shownu and Kihyun, who probably should have told them to leave because they needed more time to work on their terrible routine.
We then cut to
Minhyuk leaving the dorm and walking down a busy street. We’re about to meet his parents! Yes, Minhyuk will be the focus of our
Backstory Section this week, and I could not be happier.
His mother is overjoyed to see him. His dad has a big grin on his face. Minhyuk’s good looks clearly come from both of them. His mother gets teary-eyed and says he has lost so much weight. They go out to eat. Mom keeps urging more food on him. I love his parents so much.
In a confessional, Minhyuk
tells us his family was against him becoming a trainee at first, but he had to
keep trying. Mom tells us she was
initially disappointed to hear that he wanted to be a singer, but his vocal
teacher told her she had never seen anyone more diligent than her son. He was the only student who got to class
thirty minutes early to warm up. Minhyuk’s
mom knew then that she had to support him.
I am overwhelmed by the
amount of love around that table. But we
have to cut away now and join Seokwon as he stands on a rooftop at night,
looking out over the city. He calls his
dad, who is working in Indonesia. (Props
to the camera crew, by the way. They
know how to get great shots like this.)
Seokwon’s father tells him to stay healthy. It’s an affectionate conversation, but Seokwon tells us that he has trouble finding the words because he hasn’t been able to show his dad any good results. He wants to work harder and do better. He wants his dad to be proud of him.
Back to the rehearsal rooms. Minhyuk has to tell Seokwon to stop moping and start focusing on helping him find a song. And oh my God do they find a song. They find “The Manual” by Eddy Kim. An absolutely incredible song.
They are excited about this song, because of course they are. It’s perfect. They are inspired. They put their bickering aside and excitedly start working together. As I’ve said before, several journal entries ago, that’s how beautiful this song is. Even on the saddest days, it casts a warm, beautiful spell on the listener. I see that spell electrifying Minhyuk and Seokwon when they are literally at the lowest point in this competition.
They plan a new
arrangement of the song that works better for them. The artistic chemistry between them sparks
and pops. They are both so excited about
their performance, neither one is talking about the fact that one of them will
be considered for elimination afterwards.
Maybe #GUN and I were wrong about this mission, at least in this
case. They’re even speaking as
“we.” As in, “We cannot be
eliminated.” “We have to work hard.” “We have to show them we can do this.”
Back to D-Day 2,
and I am so excited. Literally on the
edge of my seat. We hear one last
voiceover to us from Seokwon: “Let’s
wipe the stage. Just blow their
minds.” YES. WELCOME TO THE K-POP THUNDERDOME.
The opening guitar chords play, and Hyolyn immediately lights up. She loves this song as much as I do. She sings along to herself as they sing. And God, do they sing. They trade the lines, and it’s gorgeous. They blend their voices together, and I am swooning.
After the first chorus, the tempo suddenly picks up. Our boys pull off their jackets and ties, and Minhyuk whips off the glasses he’s been wearing. The judges are excited. I’m thinking our boys about to start a new song, but no – it’s still “The Manual,” but they’ve picked up the tempo to something pop/rock/jazz so they can show off their dance moves. I love it. I love it so much.
They’re not doing synchronized choreography, but they still look like they’ve been performing together for years. They move back and forth across the stage, crossing each other while not getting in each other’s way. Even when they’re not looking at each other, they’re aware of where the other person is. It’s smooth. It’s what K-pop groups spend a long time learning to do together. These two nailed it in a week. Hyolyn lets out a whoop we can hear over the music. Soyou gives two thumbs up, and they’re not even done yet.
They slow it back down for the end and finish by blowing a kiss into the microphone. The judges are cheering. If Grumpy Expert Guy were here right now, he might actually smile. I am so happy right now.
The judges joke with each other, demanding to know whose idea it was to put these guys in the bottom two slots. They give rave reviews. Minhyuk beams when Soyou says it was the best. Okay Minhyuk, now you can get all goofy over your crush. You’ve earned it.
Our boys jump around the stage and knock a mic stand over in their excitement. I don’t care which one gets chosen for elimination, because there’s no way either of them is getting cut in this round. Right now, Shownu is the vocalist in danger, and I know he won’t get cut, so someone is going to have to be worse than him.
I’m looking at you, Mosquito.
Time to choose
one for elimination, and it’s Seokwon.
He’ll be fine. He seems to know
it as he waves goodbye. But then we get
another fake out, this one unintentional.
The judges screwed up. They read
the wrong name. Minhyuk will be
considered for elimination, and I am stunned at this mistake. How did they allow this part to be
aired? Hasn’t Minhyuk been through
enough already?
I think Minhyuk knows what I know. He’s still smiling when he leaves the stage. He waves and cheerfully says he’ll be back. Yes, he will. Our dolphin-shrieking, cucumber-hating, unblinking gazing, fan-challenging Minhyuk will definitely be back.
Just as I’m thinking how proud Minhyuk’s parents will be, he says in a confessional that he can’t wait for his parents to see this episode as soon as possible. God, this show. I’m running out of Kleenex.
Next up: Jooheon and #GUN. It’s billed as “Powerful Rap Battle of Best Friends.” Now that I’ve seen how this mission can be done without sabotaging each other, I’m no longer concerned about putting ambulances on standby. Proceed.
The judges are psyched. I’m psyched. But of course, first we have to flash back to the previous week. We are in a café, where our rappers are meeting with a famous rapper friend of theirs. He goes by Mad Clown. In the last episode, they were talking on the phone with Mr. Clown, and I could not wait to see what this guy looks like. I resisted the urge to Google him so I could be surprised. Now, we finally get the reveal. Ladies and Gentleman, Mad Clown!
He’s ridiculously normal. You have no idea how badly I wanted to give that picture a fake subtitle reading, “Settle down, class. It’s time for your Anthropology 101 final.”
Mr. Clown has a pleasant enough demeanor if you don’t speak Korean. If you’re getting the same subtitles I am, you wonder if he’s related to Grumpy Expert Guy. He doesn’t like the song Jooheon and #GUN have chosen. They show him some of the dance moves they’ve come up with, and he’s still not into it. He tells them they’re overdoing it. He gives them some advice on how to work together, and then out of nowhere, he tells #GUN that he’s not a good rapper.
I can’t tell if he’s joking. Our boys look a little taken aback but laugh it off. All I’m thinking is that No Mercy must be setting us up to see #GUN get cut in this round. I’ve seen enough reality television to know how this works.
Mr. Clown tells them to strive to do better, wishes them luck, and leaves. I am very confused as to why he was there in the first place, unless No Mercy wants to remind us how mean this show can be. Yes, we know. We saw your judges read the wrong name for elimination a few minutes ago. We are side-eyeing the hell out of you.
Turns out #GUN is really shaken by what just happened. This show won’t let us be happy for ten freaking minutes. Never meet your idols, folks. When we cut to the final practice before D-Day 2, it just feels like #GUN is off his game. There’s no doubt about it. We are being set up to see him lose.
Back to the present, and our rappers are onstage before the judges. The judges ask which one of them they think will win. What are they supposed to say to that? #GUN, his confidence shattered at this point, clearly knows it’s Jooheon.
They start, and
right away, I love these lyrics. It
feels like an attack on the judges, and possibly the show itself. Here is the English translation we are given
of just a few of the lines:
Troublemaker, who made me this way?
You all turned me like this (bang bang)
Tying us up, separating us, putting us back
together, do whatever
Why do you still not know us? Why don’t you know, why don’t you know?
Give and take, JOOHEAN and #GUN, go find out
about us
Why don’t you know, why don’t you know?|
Boom and clap, best teamwork, we’re a
fantastic combination
I’m not good at math but I have a lot of
problems.
Like Minhyuk and Seokwon, these two are aware of each other and move without getting in each other’s way. They smash things onstage. They vent and taunt and swagger. One of them may have to get cut tonight, but he won’t go quietly.
The song ends suddenly, and our boys turn to walk away. One of the judges picks up a microphone. And in the best fake out of the episode, the boys whip around and keep going. The judges are caught off guard and can’t help laughing. When the song does end, the room is quiet until a judge asks if they’re really done this time.
The panel liked the performance. They hate that they will have to choose one of them for elimination. One judge says, “Your company [Starship] is so cruel.” Um, yeah. Hello. You must be new here.
The judges point out that Joohean looked like the main rapper, and #GUN looked more like a hype man. We know where this is going. #GUN is chosen for elimination. He leaves the stage upbeat, knowing he gave a performance he can be proud of.
The one thing I haven’t been writing about is how the camera keeps cutting to Shownu and Kihyun, who are sitting backstage, watching these great performances. They look dead inside. This must be the most agonizing night of their lives. I know they will somehow redeem themselves over the course of the show, but it’s still so painful to see them like that. If this show had any mercy, it would just let them go back to the dorms. But as we’ve established many times so far, this show laughs at our pain. It feeds on our tears. I’m pretty sure Satan watches this show for pointers.
Next up: Kwangji vs. Yoonho, the Battle of the Low-Tone Rappers. I have to be honest, there are zero stakes for me here. I’ll just scan through to see if anything interesting happens.
- They’re good friends, they get along.
- Flashback: They rehearse and faux-battle with Jooheon and #GUN, who look like they’d rather spend the time being insulted by Mr. Clown.
- They take the stage. They use a revolving panel, which is clever stage production.
- The judges don’t hate it, but they don’t seem too impressed.
- Kwangji is the one chosen to face elimination. He is dejected. But when I remember that Yoonho is the six-year industry “fossil,” I’m glad it worked out this way.
Now that the rappers are done, we find out which one will be recording a song with Hyolyn and SanE. No surprise, it’s Jooheon. He is definitely guarding his Number One badge like he told us he would. Did I mention he’s the best? He is. He is so the best.
Cut to him in the recording studio, and he is having the time of his life. I love that big smile on that handsome and boyish face with those dimples to die for and I promise I’ll stop now.
We’re getting to the end of the episode, but No Mercy will not let me leave on a happy note. They preview what is coming next: Hyungwon and his furry jacket vs. Wonho and his abs. At first, I’m fired up to see these two future bandmate besties compete, now that I’ve seen how the pairs can work together without trying to destroy each other.
Then they tell
the judges what song they are going to be doing.
Oh no.
We’ve already established that Hyungwon’s sexuality is more mysterious rather than overt, and he’s not good with blatantly sexual songs. Wonho has shown a similar awkwardness. We’ve already seen two of their future bandmates take an explicit song performed by American singers known for their sexual aggressiveness and turn it into a song I may never be able to listen to again.
Oh noooooo.
Oh no no no no no
…
Episode 5: Goodbye, Thunderdome. Hello, Dramarama.
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